My Head is Swimming
Husband got a call and could tell it was bad news by his reaction, thought it might be his dad as his dad is in his 80's and not in great health. NOPE! It was SS29 in the hospital, 45 minutes from us, white blood cell count up and they don't know what's wrong.
This is the kid that 2 years ago told his dad and I off in several emails, telling us what terrible parents we were and said that we would never know his daughter as our grandchild. There was never any apology and as much as my husband hurt from what he said, husband has tried to have contact with his son with little success. When husband got this call he called SS's wife and I heard husband clerifying who he was, saying he was SS's dad.
I have been thinking what to do myself. I disengaged for the 3rd time 2 years ago and swore I would not be sucked in again. Thinking it thru though I realized I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don't get involved. It does not matter which route I take nothing will be right in the eyes of my SS, his wife and the many SS family supporters.
It's times like these that I just want to walk out of my life completely.
I agree with 'ditzyblnd'
I agree with 'ditzyblnd' above. Silence. Let your husband do what he must do and support him of course but behind the scenes. There is little doubt that you will be criticized for not being involved but since you are damned either way the critics will find the least to carp about when you're silent and not in the picture.
It will be interesting to see
It will be interesting to see what docs find. My husband lost his sister 2 years ago to lukemia, a very fast growing form of the disease. Docs didn't even know she had it til she collapsed and she never regained consciencness so you can understand the concernse fo the family right now.
I have to agree with everyone
I have to agree with everyone else. Support your husband in what he must do but stay away from ss. It will just be more if the sane old drama.
Thanks everyone, it is
Thanks everyone, it is wonderful to have the support here from those who have been thru it and understand. I IMed with one of my adult daughters last night and was trying to express my thoughts but it didn't go over well. In her mind I am the one being hateful and unforgiving and my place is to be there, at least that's the way I took what was said. I mentioned to her that this could not be trusted a you could not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. She acts like she is stunned. Seh was the one pointing out all his lies when they lived at home so I made mentioned of an incident and she said, "that was 10 years, I hope he would not be a the same person." So I get little support outside of this group. I get the feeling in general from people that I am just upposed to take the BS and keep smiling, forgiving and being loving but that simply is not possible. I am so beyond done. Lesson learned yet again, not to think my own flesh and blood sees things the way I do or understands how I feel and not depend on them for support.
I've been through this too.
I've been through this too. My Sister used to say SD comes first in DH's life, maybe I'm over-reacting, etc., etc. She has children and this is the way she felt so everybody else should too. I haven't given birth to kids so I was completely ignorant. But thank goodness I have this site. I told her, "We will have to agree to disagree." But one odd thing: When I rephrased it so that it echoed the relationship she had with her MIL she suddenly 'understood'.
I enthusiastically agree with
I enthusiastically agree with all of you. So much that I just want to shout it from the rooftops! I have received support about my own SD25 and SS26 issues from my therapist, it is even more validating to hear things like this from people to whom I'm not paying $125 an hour. Even my own sister has said that I don't get it because I don't have kids. I feel so isolated sometimes because I can't talk about these issues with others in my family.
SD25 was upset because I didn't come see her when she was in the hospital for several weeks due to early labor. I had surgery twice and never even got a call from her. DH has been in the hospital 4 times, and she's never shown any interest. She wouldn't even help us get him to his follow up doctor appointments when he had his knee replaced even tho she wasn't working during those times and I'd started a new job and didn't have sick time to use when I had to take the time off.
I also have to blame DH for this, as well, because he just makes me ill the way he runs to her side when she calls. We have to remember that Bioparents are sometimes to blame for these issues as well.
Sounds like something we'd
Sounds like something we'd get from our kids. I too feel so alone sometimes. All of what we have been thru has been terribly hard on our marriage, quite honestly it is surprising we are still together.
Husband did make the call to his son's wife to see if there was anything he could do and basically right now he's waiting. I am the type that would normally rush right in and be to help and support but not this time for me and I think this is all real good actually as this might actually give SS some time to think about his actions and his harsh words as he lays alone in that hospital bed and daddy has not jumped to his side.
UPDATE: Mr Over-Exaggerator
UPDATE: Mr Over-Exaggerator SS who was in the hospital and his wife had it plastered all over FB how concerned she was......turns out it was FLU!!!!!!!