When approached by crazy, what to do, what to do...
So, most of the time, confrontation is in email format, not to me, we are all good. But, we just so happened to have the girls this weekend and had to get them to a sporting event - we were a little late. Not for the game itself, but for the pre-game - 6 minutes. You would have thought we had poisoned the entire school with our low-class antics - such lack of responsibility...my GOD.
So, I get over the fact that BM is making her snide comments and focus on girl child ready to go into her match. Up comes Grammy (bio-mom's mom) - I have never spoken a word to this woman in the 6 years that I have been grossly exposed to her but realized very early on that the apple has never fallen too far from the tree. A little history, she almost, ALMOST ahead of BM, caused the demise of the marriage with my DH because she was so controlling, interfering,etc. in the relationship. She is smiling. I smile back. She begins to spew all this angry gross stuff while SD is tying her shoes at our feet, about ready to go on the court. My mouth drops open :jawdrop: and I am unsure what to say. So, I say, "God Bless you." She is startled. She says, "God Bless you too! Oh, but YOU don't believe in God." It goes south from there. I state she doesn't know me. Well, apparently she does. So all this is happening and more, no one hears it, I am left with the result which is a mortified SK - luckily I didn't lower myself to her level but, now I want to make sure this woman has a boudary set for her.
If she ever did something like this again, what would you do/say if anything? I don't want a physical altercation or even a verbal one. I don't play that classless BS. So, what CAN I do to make my point without being an idiot like her? Is it always a good idea to walk away?
By the way, DH blew Grammy kisses the entire game after that. It drives her batty.
When confronted with
When confronted with crazy...
Don't sleep with it?
Other than that Just ignore her. I mean you could play the victim. I'm sorry I don't know what I did to offend you but I apologize for it. I will try my best to stay out of your way for the sake of SD.
Say that really loud so other people can hear you. Then bring on the trembling voice and quivering lips and almost shed tears and bowed head and say to someone (preferably someone you know) but someone else who comes to offer comfort I try so hard to make everyone happy, but why does she still hate me?
Don't know about you but that's what I'd do. It highlights their crazy and makes people want to protect you. Drives my Bm up the walls because everyone jumps to my defense since they think I can't protect myself.
Luckily, she attacks everyone
Luckily, she attacks everyone around her during these moments. (BM) So, the evidence is there for all to see. They just never see it so it is really is a let-down...everyone else sees that they are less than human and the people who could benefit the most from enlightenment (them) don't think they have done a thing wrong. But that is really what it is all about if you think about it. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Hello! Your life sucks! Try something different, BM! Maybe you could keep a boyfriend, friends, etc. if you changed!
And there it is. We cannot change THEM. So, we just have to protect ourselves. I am way passed trying to change the outcome - I just want to be proud of myself in these trying times. Control what I can and kick to the curb the rest...thank you for your advice...
Well..whether you believe in
Well..whether you believe in God or not, stop her at her own hypocrisy (i am assuming that she does believe in God) and memorize a couple of these passages to put her in her spot the next time she feels like belittling you in public or in front of family..
(Matthew 7:1-5) 7 “Stop judging that YOU may not be judged; 2 for with what judgment YOU are judging, YOU will be judged; and with the measure that YOU are measuring out, they will measure out to YOU. 3 Why, then, do you look at the straw in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the rafter in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Allow me to extract the straw from your eye’; when, look! a rafter is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First extract the rafter from your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to extract the straw from your brother’s eye.
(Luke 6:37) “Moreover, stop judging, and YOU will by no means be judged; and stop condemning, and YOU will by no means be condemned. Keep on releasing, and YOU will be released.
(Romans 2:1) Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are, if you judge; for in the thing in which you judge another, you condemn yourself, inasmuch as you that judge practice the same things.
(Romans 14:13) Therefore let us not be judging one another any longer, but rather make this YOUR decision, not to put before a brother a stumbling block or a cause for tripping.
(1 Corinthians 4:5) Hence do not judge anything before the due time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring the secret things of darkness to light and make the counsels of the hearts manifest, and then each one will have his praise come to him from God.
Good luck should you have to ever run into her again!
Uh, I should truly pay you
Uh, I should truly pay you for this information because it is PRICELESS. Thank you, Halo Horns - this was very helpful. In the event that I cannot memorize this, I will have these typed up on little slips of paper like fortune cookie lovelies and pass them out to all who go that route.
That was GOOD.
No problem! Sometimes you
No problem! Sometimes you have to deal idiots the lesson(s) that they try to stand on as they are spewing shit at you!
}:)
Ignore the crazy. Stay away
Ignore the crazy. Stay away from it. Don't engage it.
AND DON'T:
"By the way, DH blew Grammy kisses the entire game after that. It drives her batty."
SMH
I am bright but sort of
I am bright but sort of stupid when it comes to certain things...wha is SMH?
I am all about ignoring. How do you set a boundaries was my question?
shaking my head You don't
shaking my head
You don't "set boundaries" with crazy. You set yourself a boundary to ignore not and not engage it.
Remember, you cannot control others. Trying will only drive you nuts.
I hope next time your DH acts more maturely.
Thank you for answering my
Thank you for answering my question and a few others your comments provoked.
That's true...thank you for
That's true...thank you for your advice.
What if they follow you?
What if they follow you?
Uh, maybe stand up for
Uh, maybe stand up for yourself??
It's not a popular choice,
It's not a popular choice, but I usually mirror the crazy back, or one-up it. Why? Well, in my experience these people are adult bullies. And adult bullies *thrive* when people are a) shocked and b) silent. Take away their power by a) speaking up, speaking loud and telling your truth to them. I have no problems telling BM or anybody that would do this type of stuff what I think about their behaviour. Because, like the playground, bullies (kid or adult) don't stop until you call them on their behaviour and match them.
Narcisissists as well: when a person with NPD freaks out, you do it back - whatever they do, you mimic. Because they will stop ONLY after recognizing they aren't the alpha-dog.
Bullies and Narcissists CANNOT handle when a person stands up to them. When finished, use a general 'bye bye' and leave it at that. Ignore them after that or tell them you'll get them for harassment.
I've always stood up to BM (and anyone like this). If her mother ever tried this crap on me, I wouldn't hesitate to fire back. It's been done before by me and BM doesn't try her bullshit on me now. I think she was shocked to see a petite woman being able to handle her continued jealousy-driven antics - reason being, the main insult BM and her puppet, er husband, used to sling at me was that I was petite (insert any expletive-laden synonym for 'petite') and for whatever reason were really hung up on the fact that I'm NOT a fat big-boned lard-face like BM. *so so so weird*!
I also recorded her during her last episode of verbal abuse towards me - in front of the children on my front doorstep
- very fun
Just stand up to them. Who cares who hears you? The skids - yes they will be embarrassed, but unfortunately many BM's have done this for YEARS in front of their children, so at the very least you won't have anybody bothering you and the skid(s) will see you have an excellent backbone.
Dont' back down or gape at bullies, they are ALL wimps deep down with a very low opinion of themselves - reason why they use these tactics - to make themselves feel better or more important. Show them you're better! Not by remaining silent (thereby giving them permission almost *yes it makes no sense but it's how they think* to continue to abuse you) but by speaking up. And speaking up loudly. It's worth it.
I would tell my children (and my step kids) to stand up to a bully ANY DAY. Why not with a BM or anyone else? Please, these kinds of people are just babies in adult clothing.
Thank you so much for
Thank you so much for validating my thoughts...I really appreciate it.
This is what my DH and I came
This is what my DH and I came up with tonight as we revisted our confrontation from yesterday. Just record. Even if nothing comes of it, it will freak them out.
I think the key is not
I think the key is not engaging and fighting back but delivering a quick yet firm command: "You're very angry right now which is inappropriate for a child. Turn around and walk away," works for me. Or "You're doing the power trip thing again. Give it a rest."
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your responses. If I am lucky, I won't have to worry about another confrontation for awhile. They seem to stew and let things build up and then blow...so, I should be good for now.
I left out one kicker...one that my husband is still thinking about. The conversation started with her (grammy) spewing junk in front of girl child. The junk, on Veterans Day, was that my husband was dishonorably discharged from the Navy and we were lying to the kids to make him look good. Uh, we qualified for a VA loan, saw the DD214 myself plus all of his recognition, etc.
There is more...just trying to make dad and wife look bad to the kids because...WE LOOK SO GOOD COMPARED TO THE BM! We went to dinner after the game and dad talked to both girls about verifying information if they have questions. All I said is continue to look at people's actions and not their words. I asked girl child why she thinks people say things like that and she said, "Because they are jealous." So, if she gets it, does it really matter if grammy gets it? NOPE.
See? I feel better by the hour...thanks everyone.