You are here

Thanksgiving/MIL

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:40pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

Sooo I have only posted a couple of times but since I'm sure everyone here has some type of in-law/future in-law sitch-a-shun going on I thought I could ask to make sure I'm not just being super duper biotch of the year.
FDH and I just bought a house 6/2012 and have made a decision that because both of our parents are divorced and love drama that we would be celebrating all holidays at our new home and whoever wanted to swing by was totally welcome. Well Future MIL called today and practically had a fit because we won't be going to her house for Thanksgiving... who knows how she'll react when we tell her that Xmas morning will be at our own home too... We get along fine but the longer I'm around the more comfortable she gets and thinks she can try to boss me around. Am I being a jerk for wanting to spend the holidays in our new home???

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:53pm

I wasn't trying to be, I really wanted to know where you were going with that...

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:49pm

I don't think you are a jerk at all. I love spending holidays at our house. Due to crazy MIL issues, we now go away every Thanksgiving and have made it a tradition. But they come to our house for Christmas. If they don't want to come, we eat without them!

The last Thanksgiving I had with my inlaws, my MIL figured she could boss me around. She gave me a huge list of vegetables, half of them I never even heard of, and told me thats what she wanted me to cook. I went crazy at the food store, got them all, cooked them all. She arrives with a big bag of everything she told me to get and she cooked it all herself at her house!! Crazy!! Why did she ask me to cook all that food if she was going to just cook her own?? The kids don't like all that so no one ate it!!

That was the last time I hosted Thanksgiving. I do Christmas but I don't ask what they want. I make a roast beef and I decide on the veggies!!

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:59pm

Yep, sounds like something my future MIL would pull. My FDH broke w/ BM when Future SKID was 3 mo, and after that he relied on his mom for everything. Although FDH didn't have ANY boundries set up with ANYONE when I came on the scene, he has been amazing at slapping them all in place, however his mom is having a hard time with them... maybe even harder than BM. He puts her in her place but that doesn't stop her from coming at me with her nonsense. thanks for the response, I feel better about not budging on this issue.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:51pm

Nope, not a jerk for wanting to spend holidays in your own home. I go home to Detroit every year to see my daughter, family and friends. I won't miss a Christmas there. Smile

Halo_Horns's picture

Submitted by Halo_Horns on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:02pm

>>Am I being a jerk for wanting to spend the holidays in our new home?<<
I am sickened that we all have to feel jerkish for wanting to do something in our house with our stuff that we bought with our money for our entertainment and memories.
You are not even married yet! Don't start feeling "bad" for wanting to do what you and your FDH want to do for Your family! Set the standard now!
Enjoy your Thanksgiving in your new home and have a blast decorating it and starting traditions in your new home that you will always remember!

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:11pm

I honestly feel like because FDH moved in with his mom/step dad after his and BM split that FMIL thinks she has some type of say in our lives because he relied on her before and helped him FSS. I dont know how long it's going to take her to realize that this relationship is between her son and myself, not the 3 of us.. ::sigh::

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:36pm

Nope, and you should just ignore your MIL. This is what we do because both of our parents are divorced and quite immature about it. We just tell people we are cooking at our house so we can see ALL of our family and whoever wants to see us can come join, if not, they lose.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:42pm

With the exception of this year... I should add. My MIL is banned from our house. My guess is she will spend her Holidays ALONE in her sad sad existance.

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:52pm

Sometimes I wonder if MIL would be as pushy/assish if my FDH didn't have a child...

anabihibik's picture

Submitted by anabihibik on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 7:45pm

This is an advantage to having a career that requires some holidays. I sign up to work the ones I don't want to deal with. Next year with the new baby, I'm not running around everywhere and I'm not hosting. We're having small scale first holidays.

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 12:56am

My ex mil thought we should spend every holiday at their house, even though they were 8 hours away, and she fully expected us to drag 3 kids and their Christmas morning presents with us so they got the joy of watching them open them on Christmas morning. And not ONE Christmas morning were we EVER at their house. Do what makes you and your SO happy. That's all that matters!

byebyebirdie's picture

Submitted by byebyebirdie on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 1:09pm

It's so nice to be able to spend holiday in your home and have people come to you. We rotate the Christmas holiday between sibs on my DH side and its rather nice that way.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 3:59pm

>>>Well Future MIL called today and practically had a fit because we won't be going to her house for Thanksgiving<<<

So at some point it's possible she pissed off her MIL when she started having holidays at her own house, lol.

Circle of life and all that. Don't worry about it.