Any experience with child therapy?
My DH and I are trying to get SD7 into therapy, she has shown some bad behavior (not super alarming, but enough to know she isn't coping well with two homes). DH and BM haven't been together since she was almost 2, so it isn't a new thing that she is adjusting to, just as she has grown up, she has had more issues than most. SDs Kindergarten and 1st grade teachers recommended a friendship class or the school program to help with her issues, the court mediator who BM STILL makes DH go to has recommended it. BM will not agree to it, doesn't really tell us why, and sometimes makes up BS excuses about SDs spiritual health, she doesn't know the people, etc etc. We think they're excuses and our couples counselor and DHs individual counselor both think BM has borderline disorder. We are worried that she doesn't want to get SD into therapy because of what will come out. Her life at her mothers is SO much different than ours (stability, boundaries, responsibility, etc). I am worried at this point, even more so than before.
Does anyone have experience with this, a parent refusing therapy and once in therapy bad things come out? Is it just her way of controlling issues (which she does constantly). UGH...so frustrating....
I agree with m2ta. I too got
I agree with m2ta. I too got counseling when I was a little older but still a minor. It helped tremendously. However, it also helps when the counselor is a person who isn't afraid to call their client out on poor choices they have made (age-appropriately, of course) and who helps the client really take steps to improve their lives. So many counselors don't do that. So definitely research the counselor before an appointment for SD is booked.
Done correctly, therapy can
Done correctly, therapy can be short-term. All three that currently live with us have been in therapy. Daughter did 6 months when she first moved in with us and adjusted and has never needed it again (12 years now). SSon was in intensive therapy for a couple of years. Now he just goes to a social skills class and sees a therapist a couple times per year since he is on meds and the doc requires it. BSon has social work at school due to his autism. Oldest SD was in intensive, residential therapy for many years and should never, ever stop -- she is BPD and schizophrenic -- not issue you recover from.
If you has suspicions about mom's home, I would recommend getting the court to order therapy for SD. The therapist can testify in court if necessary.
Thanks for the information, I
Thanks for the information, I am in therapy now for absent father stuff, and I know how much it helps. I know it would help her too, but the divorce decree states they both need to agree on therapy and things like this.
Going to a court I am afraid would cost so much money, something we don't have at he moment. And unfortunately the two counselors haven't met her, they are just going off the stuff my DH and I go to them for to get help with and just vent and get advice on our frustrations and worries. I think she used to be on meds for anxiety, but isn't anymore. I see so much anxiety in SD, so am unsure if it's genetic, environmental, or both.
She still hasn't responded to our pleas for counselling...going to be a long difficult battle.
thanks for the support everyone.
How is she at school? Is
How is she at school? Is there a counselor there that can be a resource for her?
There is a 'Friendship Class'
There is a 'Friendship Class' that has been recommended for her from her past two teachers, but really I think we need to go deeper than that. She has always had problems with interacting with other kids, she got kicked out of pre-school for not being good and choking kids...
We are STILL waiting on the ex's reply to our request, she keeps telling us she wants more time with SD, that SD cries when she is going to our house and says she misses her mom so much. But when we get her, she is perfectly fine. She doesn't ask to call her mom, doesn't ask to see her, when her mom calls sometimes she actually looks annoyed. She wants a compromise, which we have told her, if we get a counselor, we can look into more time at your house, but this way someone will be able to keep an eye on her and see if the new arrangement is working out. Her response is always, I want more time with her.
It never ends.....I feel hopeless about the next 10 years of co-parenting before she leaves for college.
I'd suggest taking whatever
I'd suggest taking whatever the school offers, at least it is something. Has DH tried just sending an email saying that "Based on our discussions, you would like more time with SD and I feel that she needs a neutral therapist to help her deal with a change in schedule. She will be starting with XYZ therapist in November and, if the therapist feels she is ready, we will schedule additional time for you to have SD starting in January." Then if she doesn't object, just go ahead with the therapy.
Chances are BM doesn't have the extra cash to take DH to court either. And I wouldn't expect a judge to do more than a slap on the wrist as long as DH used a licensed therapist and did not try to block mom's access to the therapist.
She has gone to the
She has gone to the friendship classes, but they don't give her the help we believe she truly needs. That may be good advice, just let her know we are moving forward and see what happens...although I think it will be WWIII. She has an extreme aversion to letting SD attend therapy, it might possibly be due to our and our therapists thinking she is borderline, and what we may uncover from SD and what is going on at that house.
She has cash, more than we understand how, but we on the other hand cannot afford financially or mentally a court case. Soon though I may say screw it and have us move ahead anyway. I agree, what judge would penalize us for getting her help that us, teachers, and court mediators thinks she needs or would help her?
SD in therapy
My SD is seeing a therapist. Her mom, my wife, says I play a big role in causing SD's anxiety and depression. My question is, if I'm as big of a factor in causing said anxiety, why hasn't the therapist asked to speak to me alone to hear my side or maybe get a read on me to see if I'm even fit to be around? I believe if a child was having issues at home with one parent, they'd want to talk to that parent? Right?
My kids have been in therapy/
My kids have been in therapy/ counseling. My oldest one was in therapy due to depression with suicidal thoughts, and has made attempts. She started therapy, and I really liked this lady, she gave my daughter coping ideas, for when things get to be too overwhelming.
Could it be that she's being
Could it be that she's being allowed to use the "my daddy's divorced" excuse to get away with these things and perhaps it's something more basic? Could she just have ODD?