Is DH's eye's opening??
Yesterday DH & I went home (4 hrs away) to my family reunion. But first stop was the 9a Soccer game for SS8. The planned agreement was that after the 9a soccer game, SS8 was going with us to my reunion and we'd bring him home at 5p so we could get back on the road to home. Yet still she was texting DH as we were on the road asking if we're staying all weekend or just for day. DH said just for the day (she already knew this so I figured right then she was up to something).
So we were set to have him for most of the day. But guess what she says when the game ends and we're preparing to leave "Oh, he's going with my brother this weekend". We were like WHAT? And as if her total change of plans was nothing, she says "Yeah, he's going to play with his cousins this weekend." Now personally I was quite happy to finally get to go to one of my family gatherings without having to deal with SS8 or the awkward explaining of who he is since he's clearly not DH's son. But I was pissed b/c DH had been looking forward to spending the day with him & yet again she's dismissed DH to do what she wants which was dump the kid ALL weekend vs just a few hours.
I have always told him she treats him like a glorified babysitter and the main reason she allows him to be in SS8 life is so SHE can have a sitter & money, not so SS8 can have a Father. She was not at all concerned about his desire to spend time with SS8 or SS8 to see him. She simply wanted as much free time as she could get. She then graciously volunteers that at end of Oct, SS8 has a 3day weekend due to Teacher workday and DH can get him then. So she's already made herself a free long weekend a month in advance, without even asking what WE had planned for that weekend. This is par for the course. I didn't say anything b/c that weekend I'm going to be back home for a week-long work conference & won't have to deal with it. Lol
To my surprise though, when we got in the truck to leave, DH said "she just wanted to get rid of him this weekend which is why she's sending him with Vaughn instead of us." I only smiled and nodded, trying to hold in my delight as that was the first time he's initiated acknowledging her willful dismissal of any plan or person that doesn't serve her purpose. He went on to say that she doesn't care where he stays on weekends as long as it's not with her. She'd let a Kangaroo babysit him as long as it meant free time for her.
Sooooo, DH just may be starting to get & see what I've seen & told him all along. Maybe this is first real sign that he's seeing just how much she uses him & hopefully he'll be less inclined to allow himself to be used in future. Maybe he's starting to see...
Feel free to share the moment your DH or DW started to see what a douche they were dealing with and feel free to describe your delight! Lol Maybe there's hope!
Mmmm maybe DH should sue for
Mmmm maybe DH should sue for custody since the BM doesn't want the child anyway. Please pass my advise on to him.
Not happening. First, it's
Not happening. First, it's not DH kid. You've seen the history of my posts by now I believe but in a nutshell, no legal rights or court involvement at all. Second, she has waaaay too much invested in her fake ass "I'm a great Mom" shtick to ever consider such a thing. Third, we're not blowing money on a lawyer for a battle in a different state in a case we can't win. Finally, I'm not raising some other persons kid just b/c they don't want to. She has the means, time, supporting family members. Plus kid has a bio-father who's been stripped of his rights as a Father since she claims he doesn't know the boy exists. He ought to have a shot if anyone would...
I read somewhere that, on
I read somewhere that, on average, men mature four years later than women. Anyone noticed a similar correlation in how long it takes for our DH's to 'get it'? It was almost five years, here, before DH finally came out of denial and accepted my viewpoints.
I'm not sure what his hold up
I'm not sure what his hold up was --he has some issues of his own due to his own Fatherless childhood so I think it had a block in his brain to see beyond the kid. No one had ever challenged him before on it though; he has no close relationships with family members or friends who could open his eyes to this. BM was in heaven with just running him through the ringer unquestioned until I came along. It took a while for me to see the full picture. Then it took longer still to make a dent in his brain so he could see what she was doing. We're not there yet but it's getting better.
My DH came around when I put
My DH came around when I put my foot down about 6 mos into our relationship. His daughter RULED him, right up to the point of telling him to pull down his profiles on dating websites because she just wasn't ready for daddddddy to date anyone! My email was the last to get through before he deleted everything, otherwise we'd have never met.
Anyhow, the straw that broke the camel's back was when she called a "family meeting" with her, BM and DH to discuss my and DH's relationship and how it makes HER feel when we hold hands or kiss in front of her. Since BM and DH weren't touchy/feely or affectionate because BM didn't like to be touched or kissed, dear SD wasn't used to seeing her daddy showing anyone affection other than herself. So in short, she was jealous of me.
After this meeting he had, he came back to me and said "well, we've all decided that it may be best if you and I "cool it" a bit around SD with the hand holding and kissing since it makes her so uncomfortable". I seriously hit the roof!!!! So I told him I was glad that he, his EX WIFE and his CHILD all agreed with how OUR relationship was to change, but *I*; however, was not. And if he wanted to continue to let his EX wife and his CHILD run his life, he'd have to find someone else to put up with that, because there was NO way in Hell I was going to!!!
He immediately went back to BM's and set her and SD straight. We've never had another issue of SD ruling him again. He's always put his foot down and said I AM THE ADULT HERE!
Very good! Wow, what a crock.
Very good! Wow, what a crock. I'm glad he corrected himself though. I swear, these Men... Lol You are lucky that he stopped the caving!
You're lucky. DH and the
You're lucky. DH and the Wildebeest dated for 10 years, then married for total of 7 after she cheated and came begging him back & asked him to marry her. He should have known then what he was getting! Anyway, he married her and she started cheating somewhere around 4th year (if not before) and it ultimately resulted in a kid that wasn't DH's. After the separation period, they divorced but she still had him by the balls because he'd bonded with the kid before he realized (and she confessed) that it wasn't his (when baby almost 9mths old). So by time I came along when kid was 4, she'd had a long run of running DH. It was manageable while we dated, but kicked into high gear the Month we married. She'd hit the jackpot of 2 babysitters at her will, feeling very secure that she'd continue to have free reign of disposing her Oops on us. She knew DH and all of his holes very well and knew what strings to pluck to get him to do her will. And she was right until recently... Slowly, I'm standing him up over that barrel. Lol
I'm grateful as well. BM
I'm grateful as well. BM doesn't usually contact DH unless she wants something or has something to bitch about with SD.
I'm a BM myself. I only contact my daughter's dad if I have a question about upcoming visitation or her schoolwork. Frankly, I want him to be happy with his girlfriend and just be a parent to our daughter. I hate that he ignores me mostly, but that's just how he is.
Exactly ladies. I thought
Exactly ladies. I thought because I was a pretty cool BM to my daughters SM, that maybe karma would reward me. Bleh! Wrong!! haha. I am much more optimistic though, thanks in great part to this board. I was at wits end and end of marriage when I first found this forum. First I just read and watched. Saw the support (except from for a couple of women who I'm not sure why they are here other than to be nasty it seems, lol) and that I wasn't alone in my frustrations and decided to stick around before posting. It's been helpful just to be able to vent and then get ideas, esp disengagement. So I'm beginning to feel and look for and see signs of hope that this is changing to a respectable balance vs dealing with her dumb ass at her whims. Lol