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BabySitting the Brats

WTHDISUF's picture

Ah so Summer is fast approaching. School will be out in a Month. Guess what this means for all of us StepParents? Babysitting Duty! Yay! Blum 3

Last Summer was a fiasco that almost ended my marriage. We'd just moved and very next week, the pseudo-SS9 was sprung on me for 11 days without my knowledge. (Not going to rehash all of that but basically since I work from home, I'm expected to be babysitter without question).

This Summer, the Wildebeest is having a new kid, due early August. She's already indicated needing a 'break' and she's mentioned how her new husband works 6 days a week so she needs a "rest". All this means is she's going to shove pseudo off on anyone who'll take him for as long as she can. Anticipating this, I found Summer Camp programs here that last a week and cost roughly $140 and I told DH to look into it if he's thinking of bringing SS here this Summer. He said "Good idea" but then nothing more was done so probably too late now. (We live 3.5hrs from SS now so we'd have to sign him up early as Out of State student). DH is in training for a big promotion so he does not have flexibility in his schedule anymore until October.

I've been traveling a lot for work past 2 months and I have intense training coming up from late June to early October so I can pass my PMP. My Meetings can last an hour and I normally have 4 per week unless a project is pending -then it's endless. I still have my 50+ hours work week plus adding studying, launching my own Site, and finally, training for Spartan Race. I am not available to babysit and don't need the stress.

Now of course he seems to think watching the boy is nothing since he's 9 but he disregards the feeding frenzy the boy goes on, leaving trails of food and debris in his wake. He's always into something he shouldn't be- was here 2 weeks ago and hooked himself in lip with fishing hook well after he was told to put the rod away. DH wasn't here and boy was downstairs yelling bloody murder and I was on a call and my whole office heard it. I had to get off call and reschedule. Grrrr. Always something so he definitely needs watching. He can't be in house alone. Plus he doesn't like to shower without being told over and over or clean up after himself. We have no other play area in the townhouse or parking lot so he'll be stuck in bedroom all day as he refuses to ride a bike or do anything remotely active. I can't give up my main space where my office is set up. It was pure hell last Summer and any other times, like March, when he shows up for a week at a time then "baby, I'm working few hours this morning, can you keep an eye on him". }:) :sick: . I will not go through it again.

So do I tell him in advance (since I get no warnings) that "I will not be babysitting this Summer BECAUSE... " OR simply give no explanation because honestly I don't have to babysit anyone else's kids for no other reason except I don't want to. I'm thinking that's reason enough.

What do you tell your DH's when they want you to watch their kids and you can't or don't want to?

FirstLady's picture

Just tell him "No, can't do it". My job/time is equally as important as yours." He should really have arrangements well ahead of time like you suggested. He dropped the ball, he should have to deal with it. Summer comes around at the same time every year.

My SO decides to tell me he wants SS for the entire month of July. Really? We've never done that. SO works 12 hours a day. Where is this child supposed to go?? Who is going to watch him? Because I don't have to "work" that month he thinks he can abuse my time. Not happening.

If he doesn't hear your NO, take your laptop to Starbucks. I used to wonder who all those people were that spent all day there...now I know.

WTHDISUF's picture

UGH, your second paragraph is what terrifies me. I feel like they might try to slam him here the whole month of August until school comes back in at end of it. The baby is due on 12th and it'd be just perfect for them to not have to deal with him around in her last days of pregnancy.

I'd go further than Starbucks if they tried to pull that. Lol

SMof2Girls's picture

I'm lucky to work outside of my home for this very reason. Although, DH doesn't ever ditch the skids on me. He asks me if I can watch them while he runs errands or goes to the gym. I don't typically refuse unless I have something else to do, but he doesn't take advantage either. He's also good about taking at least one of the skids with him when he can.

I agree with FirstLady .. if he won't hear you out and take appropriate actions to plan ahead, then you'll have to find yourself working at the "office" instead of at home .. even if your office is the Starbucks or Panera with free wifi Smile

WTHDISUF's picture

The dumping on me started after marriage unfortunately as that's when working from home became 100%. We didn't live together before until month of wedding so... Yeah. Lol D'oh on me! Took a long time for me to get to this point of being fed up -have taken a lot of being 3rd string but just can't do it anymore, come what may!

ocs's picture

this sounds like such a nightmare to me. I know where you are coming from, as I too, work from home.

Does your "main space" have a door? I know it wont help much, especially like the fishhook example you gave- good grief!

I'm so lucky my DH has never tried this, but I would head to Starbucks too.

On another note- good luck for spartan! I did it last yr and am still sore... :jawdrop:

WTHDISUF's picture

No door, open space. I have a desk in sunroom/dining area which is open to the living room and that's all that's downstairs. I have never had the chance to head to starbucks before b/c DH would not give me warning which means he was here and I was stuck because wasn't leaving him in this house alone. He's a lurker; always rambling, peeping, standing in corners and sh*t so I know he'd be all into sh*t. Lol

WTHDISUF's picture

You're right. We don't have any rights except those dictated to us by the Husbands and the Ex-Wives. My DH has no biological children (hence why I say "pseudo"-SS9) ...that's a whole different story but part of what makes this all so dreadful.

twopines's picture

Me, personally, would just say I'm not doing it because I can't. End of explanation.

If his argument is it's nothing to watch a 9 y/o boy, then he can tell it to Wildebeest when he tells her you can't babysit.

WTHDISUF's picture

Good one! Whole thing is he's the one who wants to spend time with him but he's not here most of the day. I notice when he has to deal with him all day, after about 2 days, he's had his fill and gets impatient, annoyed. Yet Stepparents aren't allowed the same liberty--to be fed up with someone else's brat. Ridiculous.

Living the dream's picture

"OR simply give no explanation because honestly I don't have to babysit anyone else's kids for no other reason except I don't want to."

THIS. OH, YEAH!