School uniforms
Sd4 has been in pre K for 4 weeks, the first 2 weeks BM didn't exercise her midweek parenting time, last Thursday she called and told SD that she was coming to get her and to bring a uniform in her back pack. BM showed up after SD was already asleep (long story in itself) so it wasn't dealt with. DH is not OK with BM asking sd4 to bring things from our house.
The uniform is basic khaki bottoms and polo shirts that can be purchased anywhere. Neither DH or myself feel like we should provide school clothes for bm's time, partly because we NEVER get clothes back and partly because a month before school started bm asked for the dress code and promised SD 4 separate times they would go shopping.
So far we don't know if BM is going to try to pick up tonight so dh is not focusing on it. but I want to get this figured out. How do you handle school uniforms? Does the cp in your situation provide the school clothes for the ncp's time?
Have SD change into a clean
Have SD change into a clean uniform right before BM picks her up. Then she can wear it the next day.
Do you get child support?
Do you get child support?
We are custodial. We do not
We are custodial. We do not provide clothes for visitations. BMs are responsible for whatever the children will need while in their care. If this is not feasable, they are certainly welcome to skip visitation.
These are not even my children, and I DO have children of my own, yet there is never a time that I "just can't" or "just won't" provide something that they need while they are in my home, so if their moms want to get the mommy time, they can do the mommy chore of making sure the kid has clothes, lunch money, whatever.
Confused? If you don't send a
Confused? If you don't send a uniform or clothes then what will the child wear to school the next day?
I just recently posted a blog
I just recently posted a blog about my frustrations with SD & BM not returning the uniforms. We have 50/50 custody though & it sounds like you are the custodial patents. IMO BM should buy a uniform & have it for the during the week visits. It's not too much to ask especially as it is a standard type of clothing that doesn't have to be bought from the school which usually costs a lot more.
However it is going to be hard to get BM to buy one as she will just ask for one to be sent with SD on the next visit & you can't really say no & send her without one as she won't have anything to wear. I can understand your frustrations.
If you get paid child support I guess it's also something that ends up for you to purchase although I still feel that if BM were fair she should buy one for her visits.
We are custodial, BM is
We are custodial, BM is supposed to get every Thurs and 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend. Pick ups and drop are supposed to be done at school. DH is agreed for her to be picked up from our home because BM has made no effort to arrange transportation though, she keeps saying she is going to pick her up at school. She just sent a text saying she'll come tomorrow, we were already getting SD ready for bed anyway because he hadn't heard from her. DH honestly thinks it wont be an issue this year because while she tells SD all of these things about shopping and taking her to school, she is rarely up before noon and SD gets out of pre-k at 11 am.
Dh is supposed to receive cs but so far she hasn't paid a thing. He spoke to her before school began trying to figure out a plan for the uniforms, such as sending in the dirties in the back pack. She originally said she would buy a weeks worth which seemed excessive, then 2, then just that she wanted to wait until she could take sd with her. Then last week she told SD (not DH) to bring one, we caught her with a stool in her closet trying to take her clothes off the hanger.
I guess i was just trying to see if it was the norm to provide her with clothes for her visit, the order says both parents are to provide food, clothing, shelter etc, but we don't want sd to go without. We also are not in position to buy more clothes, I just spent our last $5 buying SD more socks because her mom does not put socks on her, EVER, even in the winter. We send her in socks she comes back without. At SD's request, we have bought socks and undies for BM's house several this year! I don't understand where the go! Sorry end rant lol
So you are dealing with a
So you are dealing with a incompetent person. Send her to her mothers without socks and panties. She won't melt.
You pick up the kid whenever she returns from her mothers and inspect the dirty laundry before leaving the mothers house. Send the kid back for whatever is missing. Perhaps tell the mother to dress the kid in the dirty school uniform for the trip back in your car. I know its a pain but so is buying clothing.
The facts of life are that hauling her into court, getting a court order and trying to enforce a order over this matter just isn't practical.
Picking her up is practical. And yeah life isn't fair is it? Your mother lied about that if she said it should be.
Got into the habit when DH
Got into the habit when DH was NCP to just wash everything as soon as we got her home and put her back in it when we took her back. If if it was completely inappropriate or for the wrong weather, mom's clothes would get sent back in a bag and we would dress her appropriately but school clothes are a new experience. Plus BM is to do all transportation now so we can't just send her back inside
DH said that he is not going to send school clothes when BM comes to pick her up tomorrow, just her backpack. That way she'll have the weekend to buy an outfit or she can bring her home sunday night like she did 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for the input, it helps to hear how others handle these situations
In the end it didn't matter,
In the end it didn't matter, she never showed up last week. But this week bm called to say she would just pick sd4 up from school this week. Fine, that's what the order says. DH sent a note to the teacher that her mother would be picking her up. Well she calls right after school is out asking if the note was sent because her bf doesn't see sd, bm was at work :? . Sd does NOT like her mother's bf and had to spend 8 hrs with him and should have already been asleep when bm got home, which sucks for sd. We have recently been working with her on stranger danger and not even going with ppl she knows if daddy hasn't told her she's supposed to. Her mother knows this and she was told her mom was picking her up. So that is annoying.
I know that she allowed to designate someone to do her pick and drop offs but her bf is not on any of the school paperwork/lists and they just let him pick her up without even calling Dh. That seems off to me, Dh left a message for the principal inquiring about this. It just never ends lol