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I can't take it anymore!

jackten's picture

I can't take it anymore. I have been with my husband for 4 years and we have been married for 2 years. He has a son who is 9 years old and a daughter who is 11 years old. The bio mom is around and lately things have been going "OK" with her. However, just for the record, she is so many of the things I detest in other people. (Huge character flaws) We get them every other week. 50% I am 32 and don't have any kids and don't want any kids. I am not a kid person. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into but now I don't know. The kids take after their bio mom because she is their friend and not their parent. She feeds them badly and lets them do whatever so when they come over here this is like prison. This is harsh but it is the honest truth but I have never liked the son and the daughter is just OK. I thought over time I would learn to like them but I can't stand them. It's been 4 years and it's not getting better, it's getting worse. The whole blended family sitiuation is getting better but I just do not like these kids. They are nothing like kids that I would raise and everything they do gets on my nerves. I still take them to their after school activities and cook and clean for them but it's getting to the point that I cry every night because I hate my life. I make so many sacrifices for these kids but they still think their bio mom is the best mom in the world. I don't want to take her place but I wish they could see what a piece of crap she was. She lies to them(and they have found out on several occasions), she munipulates them, she enables them to think average is the best they can do, she says she is going to take them to their after school activities but there is a good excuse about why should couldn't take. I keep telling myself that I only have to do this for 8-10 more years. I can't live like this but I love my husband. When we don't have the kids things are great. I love being with him. He is the sweetest man! I waited almost 30 years to get married because I didn't find the right person. I don't know what to do because I don't want to be with anyone else but him but I feel so trapped by these kids. This is not the life I thought I would live. I want to change it but the only way I see it changing is divorse. Any suggestions/thoughts?????

Kes's picture

Welcome to Steptalk! If you spend some time reading other folks posts, you will find that this is the one dilemma which gets aired more than any other - ie "I love my man, but I can't stand his kids". For many of us it is a constant balancing act - whether to stay and tolerate the kids, or leave and lose a good relationship. Reading this about the dynamics of stepfamilies may help a little. http://www.stepfamily.org/dynamics.html

jackten's picture

Thanks! I never knew of this word disengaged in the stepmom world but I will do more research on it. My husband doesn't truely understand what I am going through so it feels good just to know that so many people go through these same issues.

Orange County Ca's picture

Heres some additional information on disengaging - follow the link below. There are so many women in your boat there ought to be a law against being a step-parent or at least classes. Impossible I know but ......

If they were weekenders I'd be more optimistic but 50/50 is pretty steep. I used to think it was as ideal as a divorced family could get but I'm having second thoughts. It seems the kids never really have a home. Anyway take a look at this:

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html