Not Part of the Family

Forums:

I am so lost and depressed...truly depressed and don't know what to do. I live my boyfriend and his teenage children. I am considered StepMom but we are not married yet. We've been together for five years. I do EVERYTHING for these kids and for him. When it is someones birthday, fathers day, whatever...I make sure they feel special. On an everyday basis I am the one who always has to tell the kids they need to do XYZ and they are total slobs. When I tell my bf how upsetting and stressful this is he tells me I should tell them. Then I am always the bad guy and he is always the awesome dad. I need to not be so "uptight". When it was my birthday this year...we did nothing together as a family to celebrate, mothers day...when I asked if he got me a card he said, "You aren't my mother" What about all the stuff I do for YOUR children...housework, laundry, cooking, making lunches, calling for doctor appoinmnents, dealing with insurance companies...etc. If I stop doing these things they don't get done and it effects me and our financial situation and living conditions...If I talk to him he says he can't do anything now about things that happened 6 months ago...maybe I need to let it go that I got skipped on my birthday, our anniversary, and he did do something for me for mothers day in the eveing after I cried and told him I couldn't believe he wouldn't acknowledge me. I am so tired of being called oversensative and anal. When I talk to him he feels attacked an unable to fix this...there is so much hurt I don't know what to tell him.

You are right. He does do

You are right. He does do somethings that are good also or I wouldn't be with him. It is so complicated or maybe the truth is I am too afraid I will lose him to stand up for myself...

thanks for being direct...I

thanks for being direct...I just wish we could work together to make some changes...he is my best friend...maybe that just makes me pathetic...he is a great guy though...I just don't ever feel I get any of his attention and I am not someone who asks a lot...we'll see.

You should be a therapist!

You should be a therapist! Thanks for your help. That was the most intelligent advice I have gotten. I DO need to think about how he shows me love.

^ this right here!!!!!

You are not being

You are not being oversensitive, you are unappreciated and starting right now I would stop doing everything. Since "you are not the mother" stop acting like it. You are stressed and do everything and will never get a thank you. your man needs to take a step back and realize what he has and show some respect and appreciation.

I'd be out that door, you deserve so much better

Here is what I did with my

Here is what I did with my ExH.. I had many of the same complaints that you listed above except I AM the mother of HIS KIDS...

I went on strike. I cleaned up after myself, and the girls. I left his crap. In your case I would leave the skids crap too. Life will not fall apart if you stop doing things for them for a week or so, long enough for them to understand all of the work you do. Laundry started piling up, dishes piled up. I washed my own.. but not Ex's. After a week, our house looked like a bomb hit it. I didn't TELL Him what I was doing, I just stopped doing.

Now, he is my EXH so that obviously didn't fix ALL of our problems, but it did slap him in to reality when it came to how much I do FOR him.

I did just that last night :

I did just that last night : ) He didn't understand what my problem was. The thing is I always end up feeling guilty.

You have to stop feeling

You have to stop feeling guilty about it. He is manipulating you in to feeling guilty. What is there to feel guilty about? You are cleaning up after yourself, they are capable of doing the same.

I love this website!!! You

I love this website!!! You guys have given me some good advice.

He woulnd't say anything to

He woulnd't say anything to me...I just feel guilty because he did end up doing something for me. You guys are all right. Why do I always feel guilty? I find it hard to be mean to someone, especially someone I love.

You are right...we spend so

You are right...we spend so much time fighting and then he ends up changing for the better b/c of the argument...like me telling him how he needs to dicpline the kids, have structure, etc...all those things end up in place but only after I "make him feel like the world's worst father" and we have a screaming match. Why do we need to argue? Because he does need to grow up. But coming from me, he feels I am always critical...b/c he needs to hear it! So frustrated...

^^^this^^^ then leave home,

^^^this^^^ then leave home, go get a pedi, massage, go shopping or something and leave his ass at home with the kids for fathers day!

So many people are saying

So many people are saying that...I don't know I think its passive aggressive...is he really going to learn anything or change how he acts? What do the symbols around "this" mean?

They are arrows. Pointing at

They are arrows. Pointing at what they agree with. Like I am responding to ^^^this^^^ post right above mine.

I often wonder if this will

I often wonder if this will really make a difference...it hurts me not to express my love for someone and then he won't even care...I need therapy.

My Skids didn't even remember

My Skids didn't even remember to say happy birthday to me this year. I do everything for everyone and they can't seem to remember me for anything. Of course, mother's day is not for me.....and I'm not their mother so I understand. What I need to understand also is that I'm not their mother and not responsible for their happiness.

My SO expects me to do all of the things a "typical" mother would do for kids, but not expect the respect or appreciation that should be received in return.

Step parenting is the most difficult thing I've ever done. Some days I wonder if I'm really up to the teak.......

Don't be scared of losing him

Don't be scared of losing him and if you insist on respect from him and his kids, he will think more of you, if he dos'nt hes not worth it, I used to feel unappreciated, so I told him that I would stop doing everything if he did'nt get his daughter to treat me with respect, that shocked him, but it worked, sometimes men can be so thoughtless, they need to reminded sometimes about how much we do and what it would be like if we were no longer there, you obviously love him and have a kind heart, but I urge you to stand up for yourself, you will feel so much better, the longer you leave it the worse it gets, trust me, good luck honey.

You are here