Covering our bases. What do you do to protect your family?
The biomom in my step family is the jealous type. She can't stand that I am in her kid's life and writes us emails telling my husband that the only 'real' parents are her and him and that I need to stay out of things like health updates and updates about what she does during the week. Any evidence that I exist makes her go crazy. She has also convinced herself that I force the child to call me mommy, which I do not. When I approach her like a rational person and have tried to write with the truth in the past she writes back saying we are harassing her and to stop writing. Clearly, this woman is not interested in hearing anything from us. She has already decided what she believes.
I used to think I had to write back or else it wasn't 'fact' for court purposes. But I realize that anything I write to her she will twist around to suit her lies. And anything she can't twist around she will ignore.
We are trying to eliminate every part of access the biomom has to our family and home, and to me. For a long time we have passed between homes a journal to communicate. The biomom has turned this journal into a battleground to compete with the other parent and to insult us and to accuse us of things. She takes her window into our world and manipulates and tries to control it. We discontinued this journal last week and we are expecting a big bitch fit in return when we pick the kid up this week. We used to spend hours thinking about what to write in fear of the consequences. Now we have decided to only stick to what the court demands of us.
The biomom started accusing dad of being late for pick ups. He is always early. Now we bring his mother with us, who is a very respected member of the community. If she tries to lie we are bringing her back to court.
The biomom brainwashes child against me. I am in the process of seeking therapy for her. We hope that with a third party in place her mother will be forced to gain some control over herself.
We are no longer trying to control her email or letter writing. We are just going to focus on what we write back, which will be child based.
It is difficult having someone out there be so slanderous about me and not force her to stop. But whatever she thinks about me is not based on fact, it was a decision. Her kid is my kid too. And she loves me.
What little tricks do you have to deal with biomom's shit?
Tell her to FU#%#$% off.
Tell her to FU#%#$% off. Yep. That worked for me. OK, well, and also telling her that the next time she started crap with me I would tell her husband about the fact that she called our house to flirt with MY husband. Yep. That got her to stop.
keep records of emails and
keep records of emails and text messages. do not reply back if possible, but if you have to, keep it short and sweet. if she continues to use slander and whatnot, get legal help.
As Dispirited said, keep
As Dispirited said, keep records of her craziness. The records will come in handy down the road...it sounds like court is in your future & her behavior will (hopefully) make the judge tell her off for PASing your Skid & her other idiotic behavior.
If I were you, I would simply disengage from her. There is no need for you to approach her, at all, over anything, ever. Your DH decided to breed with crazy, let him handle her. Anything that needs to be discussed with Bat Crap Crazy can be done by your DH, thus removing yourself from any/all of her toxic behavior.
It seems as if BM tried to
It seems as if BM tried to avoid contact with you, but you kept pushing. Now she's using the form of communication that you pushed on her, as a means to annoy you.
Let husband deal with her.
If SD is calling you mommy, correct her.
A) YOU sound like a
A) YOU sound like a biomom!!
I pushed nothing. I am living my life without her in mind.
C) no one pushed any forms of communication on her.
D) You have no idea what you are talking about and you might want to consider getting an attitude adjustment.
Wizard? Cool idea. Calls
Wizard? Cool idea.
Calls bio-mother by your name? Woman do you have a bodyguard?
lol bodyguard is highly
lol bodyguard is highly recommended!
This is particularly
This is particularly difficult for me personally, but you need to give up being "right". You've already learned that no amount of explanation or presentation of fact leads BM to rational thought or seeing that you are right. I think you need to give up that need to explain yourself or change her mind before you can stop engaging with her, which is of course what you need to do, as others before me have mentioned. Just wanted to throw that other piece in there so you remember not to let it eat you up.
Seems like in this day of technology and smartphones there should be a way to show the time of pickups and dropoffs. Regardless of how respected his mom is in the community, hard and fast technology would be excellent impartial proof. The solution isn't coming to me right now...but something with a time/date stamp. Maybe someone else will have an idea.
We never had to deal with
We never had to deal with emails or text. I would not answer them, not keep any journal. That is a joke. Plain and simple..if she is this irrational, then DH only, should be communicating with her.
When she starts acting up, the phone call ends. It should be kid oriented ONLY.
Do not allow the child to call you mommy. It is not our place to be called that. I never had to disallow it, nor did I ask for it...I was just my first name...and that is still fine. Acutally, she will refer to me as mom, but that because I raised her and she has 2 half siblings through me. But she is 19 now and it is her choice. BM made her call the second husband daddy and my DH "daddy first name". It was rude and hurtful and it stopped immediately. Plus they divorced...so it's not worth it.
Keep all contact with her...copies of email, etc. She will eventually stop. She is trying to push buttons and is as jealous as hell of you.
She also pissed because she knows she cannot control you getting information about her kid...you are with the kid's Dad...so she is just going to try and make it all miserable.
Hang in there...they eventually turn 18!
Thank you for all of your
Thank you for all of your support.
I've got a lot of stress to deal with and sort through and i feel this advice will be central to this process.
For the lateness issue - we
For the lateness issue - we used this to prove we were there for pick up when denied visitation. Stop at a store on the way in & get a receipt, Stop again on the way out & get another time-stamped receipt. Then you have it in black and white.
Having watched my husband on the other side & counting every minute of the 14 hours of labor for dear DS - the Mommy thing not cool. How much clearer can you say - I am replacing you right down to your nickname?
Come up with a nickname for you for her to use. I have always embraced my role & my SD usually calls my by my first name - but when she truly truly wants something from me - she starts with - My wicked, wicked stepmother, please... Never fails to make me cackle & usually gets her what she wants...
With the rest of her demands - We sent back thousands - maybe not quite but it sure felt that was of the same photocopied letter - then later cut n pasted it in email.
Dear BM,
I am sorry we cannot come to an agreement on rules and boundaries for SD. Fortunately, the court allows for "parenting differences". If you have any health or safety concerns about OUR child, feel free to contact me.
BD
Good Luck & the sooner you come to peace with the fact there will never be peace the easier it will be.