Can BM refuse to let me pick up SS
Friday my BM told my DH that I cannot pick up my 4yr old SS cause he said I was mean for making him take a bath. Mind you he is not used to being told no or someone babying him (he's the one that is turning 5 yet still is given the bottle cause it's his "comfort").
I am stern and believe that when he is with us he is treated with the same rules and consiquences as my BS. If he throws a fit I put him in time out until he behaves, at bedtime if DH is working late he has to bath, snack, brush teeth and be ready for bed.
When he has parties at daycare I make sure he is signed up and brings in things, has clean clothes packed, I took him to make an Easter flower pot for HER. Yet I'm to mean to pick him up. Can she dictate all this? Can she keep me from forming a relationship with my SS by refusing me to be involved?
I was so hurt Friday when DH told me I just cried. What should I do? We aren't really to that speaking stage cause she regrets leaving my DH and blames me for being with him. She has teamed up with MIL to undermind us at every chance.
Have it put in the court
Have it put in the court order. It can happen.
Our crazy BM (the other one
Our crazy BM (the other one is normal we get along great) would EXPLODE if I picked her kids up. As a matter of fact, she does not want her kids around "that woman" at all. LOL The kids are not allowed to even say my name around her and her sisters.LOL
I'm pretty sure that the
I'm pretty sure that the children's mother is not required to hand her kids over to ANYONE other than their father at the appointed time. Unless there is an order that says she does. (I'm not saying it's reasonable in this situation, but in general a parent shouldn't have to just let whoever the other parent wants pick up their child.)
We were told different when
We were told different when the role was reversed. BM wanted to have her sister pick up SD and SO tried to refuse and lets just say the COPS that showed up had something else to say about that. You can designate someone to pick them up. It works all sorts of ways too
Tell her that she is not allowed to have anyone pick them up either.. no family member or anyone.
DH needs to stand up to the
DH needs to stand up to the BM. But if he doesn't you need to stop parenting, no matter how correct you are (i personally like your traditional parenting style; i used the same style on my bios).
If you get zero support from DH and he just let's the BM dictate everything, then you must disengage from the situation. Otherwise you'll just build up frustration and resentment from having 0% authority and 100% responsibility.
I'm not even trying to pick
I'm not even trying to pick him up from her. He is exchanged at daycare usually. One drops off the other picks up. Sometimes I get off earlier than DH and like to do things with the boys or just get him home early. The reason I am worried about her causing issue with my relationship with SS isn't just from the pick up but the drama she puts into my involvement with him. If I take a half day off work I can't get him to go to zoo, or park, or movies or anything because she says so. It's ridiculous. I help support him, care for him, and raise him but I have no rights. It's the most frustraing part. I feel like I'm treated like a monster that cannot be trusted with a child!
Thank you so much for all the
Thank you so much for all the insight, and yes I am talking about picking him up from daycare not from BM. I think mostly it just makes me sad that it has to be this way. I dislike my ex totally but when it comes to my BS I trust that he will only allow someone I can trust to be around him. I just thought we could've worked as a team all of the adults to help each other out for the childs best interest. (yes that's me wearing my rose colored glasses) Clearly after reading so many posts on here that is not the norm.
I'm going to say that it
I'm going to say that it probably largely depends on what the CO says. I'd start there first and check it out. If it's not addressed there, then I am guessing it's just up to DH and BM to make an agreement about who is an "approved" person.
According to DH's CO, each parent can designate anyone to pick up the skid, meaning BM can decide who and so can DH - without regard to one another's "opinions" or "feelings". It specifically states under that clause that refusal to release the child to the designated "party" can result in contempt of court for violating the CO establishing visitation/custody. BM has tried being bitchy and told DH that I can't make pick-ups or drop-offs for him (not that I'd do it anyway), but her husband can do it for her (and has done so many times). All because she doesn't "like me" and doesn't "want to see me". It's not an issue so much for us, because I'm not chomping at the bit to go and pick up SD, but if the need ever arose (and I was willing to do it), then BM knows she has absolutely NO choice - she has to comply assuming I'm meeting all the requirements for picking SD up (i.e. right time and right place because both are spelled out in DH's CO).
My SS is 7 and BM pulled the
My SS is 7 and BM pulled the same. Court order says she has to play nice and has to let me pick up SS as well as no SM bashing. Haven't done it yet but oh the day... She just wants to exude her power (bwah ha ha ha ).
Maybe I am wrong, but I will
Maybe I am wrong, but I will be glad to get clarification on this. "Stepmothers' rights" is an area that is so nebulous!!!
If it is NOT in the court order, and you are married to the child's BF, that makes you his partner and stepparent to the child.
If BM refuses to sign off on your being on the daycare's contact list of approved people who may pick up, you can take this to court. That is what our attorney told us before we got married, but luckily our BM had a little glimpse of sanity and I was signed up without a fight.
"Can BM refuse to let me pick
"Can BM refuse to let me pick up SS? "
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Yes, but you can contest it in court.
If it's on your DH's
If it's on your DH's parenting time & there's nothing in the CO to keep you from doing so, your DH can appoint anyone to pick up from daycare.
When DH & I had moved in together, I started picking the kids up. BM didn't know until she saw my name on the sign-out sheet. She lost it on DH, but there was nothing in the order to keep me from doing so. She didn't approve, but he did.
She could've taken him to court & tried to have it ordered otherwise, but never did.
I ran into this for a while.
I ran into this for a while. BM wouuld not allow me to care for SD in absence of BF. We learned that she was bitter and that it wouldn't stand a chance in court.
I ran into this for a while.
I ran into this for a while. BM wouuld not allow me to care for SD in absence of BF. We learned that she was bitter and that it wouldn't stand a chance in court.
Ohhh how I live this
Ohhh how I live this everyday. The biological mother will do whatever in her power to destroy you, you and your husband and your relationship with her child. Who cares...let the B*t%H alone! Have your husband pick the kid up and you stay out of that part. He married her, created a child with her, so SHE is his problem not yours. Her manipulating the child is not cool at all. She can mentally abuse the kids and there is nothing you can do about that. Child Protective Services can get involved but they won't do anything about it. It's not like physical abuse where you can see the abuse. You and your husband need to be on the same page in raising and disaplining the child. The child needs to understand the rules are the rules in your home so showering is to be done or there is a consquence.
Stay positive as much as you can. Everyday is a new day.
Oh the games.
Oh the games.
Court order and in the meantime don't do it.
When it becomes an inconvenience to her schedule it will change quickly.
Been there ....
The first weekend that my DH could not adhear to her schedule it ruined her plans. She changed her attitude.
I in the meantime had time to make an awesome dinner!
My guess is that if your
My guess is that if your attorney requests clarification from the Court that BM cannot deny visitaiton due to you picking up the SKid. We had this happen when SS-28 was a toddler. THe SpermCLan would send SS's GreatGrandFather... or a random friend who had a daughter in our city to pick up SS for SpermClan visitation. Visitation was always long distance and when SS was a toddler DW was not comfortable handing the SKid off to unknown people or extremely geriatric relatives.
The Judge issued a clarification to the CO stipulating that transportation could be provided by a person designated by either party.
Been in this boat
BM tried to deny me rights to pick up SS. Judge said as SM has the obligation to help DH enforce the parenting plan and therefore has the same rights as DH. We took this oppurtunity to amment the PP to include specific on who outside of the 3 of us could transport SS. It is limited to immediate family and their spouses. So she is now backed into a corner because that reduced her driving pool down to her and one other person, where as I have a large family and plenty of drivers. We so our best to turn every little disruption of her to our advantage. Basically, you want to determine who can pick-up and drop-off, ok, lets put it in writing. She is constantly in contempt because of all of the pittily stuff she did in the beginning and then agreed to stuff in court in an attemtp to save face.
Oh, and we have it written she (or anyone riding with her) is not allowed to exit the vehicle during the child exchange. This has been one of the best things we pushed for. We no longer have to listen to her ceasless BS or rantings.
Bravo!
Well played.