Daddy Stepped Up To The Plate
Well it's been 9 years and my husband has finally quit feeling guilty about his divorce and put his foot down with the kids. My SS13 and SD14 were actually policing us and telling their BM things that were none of her concern.
Daddy put the kids on notice that he's the parent and that we don't care about their Mom's life other than how it impacts them and that she has no reason for her to ask about our life other than how it impacts them...she had the kids convinced we were seeing a marriage counselor. I think she interrogates them.
Since the talk my SS13 is doing great but my SD14 is acting like a POW. She's so unhappy because we took away her power to manipulate the situation, so now she acts all sad for the attention. She's moving back to her BM's with stipulations on grades and conduct and I'm so happy. I love her but don't like her much. Our guess is that she won't make it 6 months at BM's before she has a problem and has to come back.
Sounds like the dying embers
Sounds like the dying embers of a fire to me, she has lost her power but hasn't quite accepted it yet, I think she will crack soon, she will realise that life is easier if she gets with the program, Im so glad your hubby has realised how damaging guilt parenting is, what did you do to get him to step up, Im just wondering as I am going through a similar situation.
Me too. My husband is still
Me too. My husband is still living in Daddy guilt land. After 2 years, this week he told SD16 for the first time that it was not ok that her mum denied my existence and at last hinted that perhaps SD16 could come to our house with a "natural attitude". It is such a creepy feeling knowing that what happens in your household gets reported back. You are so lucky. Sounds like your husband is on your team.
He hates conflict and he
He hates conflict and he realized that every time he went to pick them up BM had another issue, usually with me. I finally told him that the kids will be out in 6 years and it will just be us and I wouldn't allow two kids to control my life. I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He admitted that in the past he thought I was a meanie, but now he sees that his daughter going to be a problem and that she's learned to be a victim and manipulator from her BM.
We were truly walking on egg shells and the kids were in control. It was really bad from December until the beginning of April. He finally said enough was enough...I think it really had an impact when they were doing to him what they had done to me (analyze and gripe about everything I did, tell there BM everytime I raised my voice, etc).
Even in intact marriages
Even in intact marriages where the parents are not on the same page, the kids will step in and manipulate things to their advantage and drive a wedge between the couple. Separated parents are easy pickings for kids to manipulate to wreak havoc with because they are rarely still "friends" who talk. I'm glad you have found a way to deal with this toxic situation that works.