This is going to be my first post, but I needed somewhere to vent and get it off my chest.

I am a step-father and damn proud to be one. I knew from the beginning that it'd be no walk in the park, issues will be there and to expect the unexpected. From the first 10 minutes of meeting my wife through one of my old friends, I knew she had 2 kids. This was almost 5 years ago. Being that I wanted a family and to settle down, I didn't walk away - after all, I've had step-parents of my own. It was awhile before I met the kids, some say it was too soon, some say it wasn't... the timeline isn't relevant now because everything has turned into an amazing experience that I wouldn't give back for anything.

When my wife and I first met, she had mentioned to me that her and her ex-husband had been separated for 3 years prior to us meeting and that they were finally going through the court system to get the divorced finalized. They both procrastinated on making it happen sooner - for whatever reason, I don't know and didn't care. It was something along the lines of "for the kids" - so on and so forth. So we continued to date, I would hear all of the stories about the ex-husband and the bad stuff he did, like never coming home, drugs and a number of other things. I'd try and look at it from 2 sides; after all, there are 2 sides of the story, right? Well, soon enough, he found out about me because oen day I came home from my office to eat lunch at home and her phone rang. When she picked up, it was instant screaming from him about how she's worthless, amongst a slew of other rude comments. She hung up on him and I asked her what she might have said to him to make him talk to her that way. She'd tell me that she didn't say anything, but I was cautions because stuff like that doesn't come from thin air. Well let me tell you, wherever it came from... I came to find out, thin air must hold some weight. He eventually found out that she was dating someone and his attitude changed for the worse (as if it could get any worse... it did).

Unfortunately, my existence placed a major role in the outcome of the final decree of their divorce. He played it any and every which way he could to make my wife seem like a horrible person. I'm not going to deny that stupid things were said from me or my wife and we could have handled the situation in a better way, but whats done is done. The majority of stuff he said in court was fabricated and the judge believed it. The morality clause in this state is a hell of a thing! It makes sense, I understand the purpose of it... but when you're separated from someone for a number of years, I personally feel that it shouldn't be something held against you. I eventually met the kids, some time went by, we eventually moved in together and the divorce was finalized (although not in the favor of my wife) and we got married. The whole time, I put up with a barrage of comments from the ex and his family about how I'm just going to leave... you name it, it was said to me.

My wife not being happy with the final decree, we worked together to figure out how to approach a modification of decree. The ex was (and still is) very irrational; the type that lies so much that he believes his own lies and has been able to convince other people of his lies as well. I got my lawyer involved after hiring and firing a big named lawyer in our area, blowing through $10k and STILL not being successful. In fact, he didn't even know the case when he sat down with her. Yes, my wife should have done her due-diligence. The day my lawyer (now my wife's lawyer) met us at the court house to file for modification of decree, he saw the ex for the first time. He turns to us and asks if there is anything wrong with him (health wise). He said that he looks like he's on drugs; something we had joked about in passing before but didn't really think anything of it. Instead of going in to modify, our lawyer changed things up one the spot and asked the judge to require ex to take a drug test based off of his previous history being arrested for cocaine possession and DUI (3 times). He went to take a hair follicle test and it came back positive for...not marijuana, not cocaine... but meth... are you serious? Anyway - to sum it up, he denied it and was asked to take a urine analysis... failed... Things were look up! We had a temporary order in place. There were some other requests by the court in which he didn't follow and we had a supposed-to-be-final day in court. He said he wanted a social study done on our households. The judge almost laughed but granted him that request. Social worker came out to each of our homes and months later, the report from the social study came back basically saying that the ex had some pride issues to get over and that I (as a step-parent) am taking on one of the most difficult jobs anyone can ever take... and doing a "exceptional job" doing so. This made me feel really good about myself. Also, deemed him in no mental shape to be primary for the children.

Just so I don't keep ranting, we finally had the orders signed and rights given to my wife as she wanted. This past week has been almost surreal because of how long we have been going through this ordeal. Of course, we understand that the BS from ex will never stop. For whatever reason(s) he's bitter, he needs to work on.

For those of you who are wondering why I stuck it out this long, all I can say is that I knew it would be worth it. I grew up with a Marine of a father and he taught me to never give up. My parents divorced when I was a kid and never experienced any negativity comments or anything about either of my parents. It's rare these days for something like that to happen, but they never hated each other and are still the same to this day; civil, respectful and understanding. My wife deserves the best that I can give to her; this also means that the children deserve the same treatment.

As a step-father (even if I were a biological parent), I cannot promise that I have the right answer for everything but it is my duty to do the best that I can to ensure that my family is taken care of regardless of the obstacles that may get in the way.

If you have made it this far, I appreciate you reading. I don't know anyone who has been (somewhat) in my shoes, so I haven't really shared my thoughts with anyone other than my wife.

I'm sure there are countless of stories like this out there, but this one is mine! If it helps any of you, hang in there and understand that it's very important to try and stay positive, no matter what. If you show strength in tough times, the children will see this and it will have an impact on them when they get older.

Thanks everyone! I'm going to be reading this forum regularly... as I am sure it'll be a great resource.