Ugh.. Please help!! No one else understands!!
:? My bf got custody from the state dec 2010. We had been dating 2 1/2 years before that and bm never let him see the kids. When he got them I made the big decision to stay and help him because I loved him and knew he couldn't do it on his own. We rent a house for big money ( we have been talking about buying it) ok let me get to the point. He has 3 boys aged 5, 10 and 12. The 5 yr old has severe PTSD. Everything mom put him threw really messed him up. We had to hospitalize him twice he's been kicked out of daycare summer camp and we have gone through many babysitters. Because no one would watch him I ended up taking him everyday before work. He goes to school but only 4 days and not till 12. Bf works 8-4 so he has them at night. Ss5 has bit me kicked me everything! He pees his bed every night and just recently pooped himself. He is on medication which we never agreed with until things got very bad. Recently I lost my grandmother who I was very close with. It's made me think about my life. I love love my bf. I would love to marry him and have kids with him which we talk about almost daily! I cannot take ss5 anymore. It's awful and I have to watch him every day! I recently told bf I cannot do it anymore and that I need to leave. He is devastated and so am I! I do not know what to do... Do I wait and see if things get better or am I just kidding myself?? I don't want to leave the love of my life but I cannot take this kid anymore. He is making me miserable! None of my friends or family know wht I'm dealing with. They all just tell me to leave and I don't know what I want anymore. Should I try a break and see how it goes? Oh please someone give me advice! Thanks in advance!
Nikk
A break would probably do a
A break would probably do a lot of good. Allow you to sort your feelings out and see if you want to continue the relationship. Do you have somewhere you can be alone or does he? He needs to get his 5 yr old under control and some help. He needs to understand why you are having such a hard time and support you when it comes to parenting if you two are going to be together long term. Step parenting only work when the bio parent does not undermine the step parent.
Does he have relatives that can take the 5 yr old in place of you baby sitting?
I think sometimes he
I think sometimes he understands why its hard, and then other times I do not know what he is thinking! I do not think he undermines me but he is just so laid back it seems that way. He kind of just does it un knowing. His relatives are not so good. His grandfather takes them every now and then but his parents never take them. I have been planning to goto a friends house for a few weeks to sort things out. But in the meantime I have told him I am leaving. Do I tell him I just want a break or do I leave it like that for now? Thanks!
I am pleased to read that BF
I am pleased to read that BF has them at night, it sounds like you are absolutely worn out and it's a crying shame that some guys (my own DH included) will not step in until you have really gone beyond your tolerance level. I believe you need some respite, seriously! Are you sleeping good? So many issues can become compounded by not sleeping well.
I believe you do have what it takes to raise this child. I would not throw away a good relationship over this, we had a lot of issues with the two youngest and now they are of age and have left home.
My suggestion is that you arrange to have a weekend off once a month, just for YOU!
I think you might find that people will cooperate with you if you ask maybe four people to babysit once every four months? That would be palatable to me as a friend/relative and I know that I would have a refreshed friend/relative in you when you came back to collect the child.
Good luck!
I get the worse sleep ever.
I get the worse sleep ever. Kind of funny I am taking college classes and for psychology we had to do a sleep log. I thought my teacher was gonna fall over when she saw my total hours of sleep for the week. I do not want to throw away the relationship but I also do not want in 10 years to resent him and ss5 for my crappy life if it does not change.
Luckily the two other kids
Luckily the two other kids love me. They talk about us getting married all the time. (Their mom was really bad to them and I do everything for them.) I loveee the two older children. They are great (with sometimes normal preteen boy stuff.)The 12 yr old introduces me as mom and he comes with me on errands, we really do get along fantastically. Its the 5 yr old and I feel so mean sometimes! I know he can do it on his own, I felt that way 1 1/2 years ago when he first got them. Thank you!
Thank you. I know he can do
Thank you. I know he can do it without me. I just felt that way when he first got the kids and that is why I didnt leave 1 1/2 year ago when he first got them. I did not think it would be too bad and it would be ok. I do not want to resent them. Thats my biggest fear!! It just hurts so bad I sit and wonder if I am doing the right thing...