HELP! Backed in a corner!
So I found out yesterday that I am not the father of my new born baby girl. My g/f didn't cheat on me there was just to close of time from her break up with her ex and the start of our relationship. I am completely heart broke and feel lost, I can't tell if I'm sane anymore. My "in laws" swabbed my baby girls mouth for a paternity test without me knowing, sent it off and got the damn rug pulled out from underneath my feet. The "Sperm Donor" I'll call him because he doesn't deserve the right to call himself a father let alone a man came over to see her. He brought this nasty thing he call's a g/f over too without asking me....Fast forward a bit and he's hanging out in my fucking house like we are god damn fishing buddies playing with my dog drinking my beverages and having a good old time. I spent the majority of the time in my walk in closet convincing myself the hollow points I have in my glock were not worth wasting on this piece of shit. I finally took him outside and explained that I feel the best thing for him to do is sign off his parental rights and walk away, he declined stating that he will always be in her life. At this point I was ready to drop kick him through my apartment. After they left it was hard for me to sleep with hearing those words you are not the father repeating in my head. Today seemed like a blur, I spent 2 hours at the gym trying to get this frustration off my mind. The only thing I can think of is how can I get this guy to sign over his parental rights? I've been with my g/f through her entire pregnancy, birth and first couple weeks of my daughter. Besides beating the hell out of this guy until he signs over his rights what can I do to "convince" him he needs to do the right thing?
Take a deep breath and back
Take a deep breath and back up. Don't do anything rash. The news is a gutpuch to you, but you don't make the best decisions when you're gut punched, KWIM?
Just because you don't like the dude doesn't mean he's not a dad.
Just sit back and relax for a month or so. And don't punch anyone.
I cannot imagine what you are
I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I do believe your anger is directed at the wrong person. The only person responsible here and whom you should blame is your girlfriend, not her ex. He slept with her just like you did. Just like you had no idea he was the baby's dad, he too had no idea. The only person here who should be blamed for this mess is your girlfriend. I cannot imagine that NOW you find this out. Why didn't she say to you from DAY ONE that she was pregnant that it might not be yours? Why didn't SHE say that there was a possibility it wasn't yours? As sad as this is, be glad that your in-laws did this. Imagine spending 10-15 yrs and finding out that the child wasn't yours?
Again, I am so very sorry. But please, take some time off and realize that this woman lied to you and to him. And if she could have, she would have left you for years believing her lies just so you could support the child.
Let me clarify I knew from
Let me clarify I knew from day one that there was a possibility that she may not be mine. I don't like the guy because he wasn't involved for the entire 9 months, he claimed that he didn't want to get in the way, but turns around and gets a paternity test at the very end. If he wanted to get involved he would've made an attempt to. I want that child out of love, not pride, not to one up the bio dad. I've bought her stroller, car seat, bottles, outfits and crib and never thought twice about it. I feel like the jokes on me, every one knew about the paternity test being done except myself. I want that little girl to be mine for the rest of my life, I stuck it out through thick and thin when my g/f was pregnant, I've sacrificed blood, sweat and tears for her. We have a bond together, she can be crying and fussy and her mom can't calm her down she'll give her to me and that little girl will stop crying and smile at me and within 10 minutes she's asleep. Should I get another paternity test done myself to verify? What if there was an error? There's to many what if's to walk away.
Oh, boy. This must hurt.
Oh, boy. This must hurt.
First, you knew this was a possibility. Second, you got kicked in the balls. Third, BREATHE.
Look at the facts.
You haven't been with your GF very long (less than a year?)
She went from one relationship immediately to another.
BabyGirl has a father. You may not like him, but he is her father. You really have no right to try to force him into giving up his parental rights.
It is in your best interest, and that of your relationship with GF, to find a way to work with biodad. Go to court, set visitation, custody, parentage, and child support. Everyone will have clear expectations and roles.
Just because you're not the biodad doesn't mean that you don't have a role in her life. Many kids grow up with loving stepparent relationships.
Did your GF know about the paternity test? If so, and she kept it from you, I'd be pissed.
Don't be pissed at biodad. It's misdirected. He slept with GF; you slept with GF.
As a parent of twenty-somethings, I can tell you...if BabyGirl is a few weeks old, there is a TON more "thick and thin" to go through with her. Lots more years of opportunities to bond.
Why not get an official test done, confirm, go to court, and work on supporting your GF? See where your relationship with her goes...It's still very new.
I agree with Foxie...exactly
I agree with Foxie...exactly what I would have said! But good luck, Im sorry that you are going through this
You are definitely pissed at
You are definitely pissed at the wrong person. Your girlfriend created this mess and you just got sucked in, hoping that you would end up being the father. Hope doesn't change a paternity test! Why would the ex be around during her pregnancy? They broke up. Imagine if he tried, during the course of your relationship. You probably WOULD have kicked his ass. Why would ANY guy hang around when she's already moved on to someone else? Your anger at him just makes no sense.
THIS The BM is the bad guy
THIS
The BM is the bad guy here. She slept with 2 men UNPROTECTED within days (maybe even the same day~YUCK)of each other.
Did your gf give your DNA to her parents to complete the test?
Ditto what everyone else
Ditto what everyone else said.
BUT... if your name is on the apartment and you are paying all the bills then you get to call on who can visit and who can't. If your gf wants the birthFather to see the child then she can see him away from your home. If she insists on him visiting her this is not a match made in heaven and right now, walk away because you feelings don't figure into her life at all. Her ex/babys biodad AND his gf lying around your apartment drinking and eating at your expense? PULEASE! In fact I would tell him tonight "*baby* needs more diapers. Bud, can you run and pick up a couple of packs for your daughter? Oh and grab some baby wipes while you are at it. And your daughter needs special baby laundry detergent. So if you can either pick those things up or give me $50 and I will take care of it all... of course I will give you a reciept."
This guy may have been told that he can't father children. Your gf may have told him you are 'dangerous' etc. There may be another reason apart from him being a dropkick as to why he was not in her face during the pregnancy. COnssider this... he thinks she is pregnant with his child but until that baby draws its first breath it is part of her and if she tells him to keep away, he cannot insist on anything to do with the child because it doesn't legally 'exist'.
I would tell your gf that he is not welcome in your home, she is welcome to see him away from your home but right now it is better for her to keep you both separated. And honestly, get tested for EVERYTHING. If he is such a loser as you think then she may have infected you with more than a broken heart.
In the meantime get the gun out of the apartment. Ask a friend to keep it safe until the heat of the present situation dies down. Nothing will appeal to the emotional plea "Your Honour, he has a GUN in the house WITH ammuntion and I am fearful for my newborn baby and myself". You get evicted, she gets the apartment and 3 guesses who keeps on paying for it? Clue: NOT the biodad!
I feel so bad for you but better to find out now than in 20 yrs and you have invested time and money in a kid who will throw it back at you "But you aren't my father!"
Im so sorry this has
Im so sorry this has happended to you, Im not surprised you feel heartbroken, as for this man being in your home, as this is making you uncomfortable then you need to tell your partner some ground rules, I would'nt want him there either, when the baby comes it will show what sort of character he really is, he may take to fatherhood like a duck to water or run a mile, please choose your actions carefully, don't give this man any excuses, so he's the sperm donor but that dos'nt mean he's going to be a father, what are you gf's feelings on whats happening?
Oh Dad! I feel so sorry for
Oh Dad! I feel so sorry for you. I want to tell you what happened to a good friend of mine and I hope that you think hard about a difficult choice you may have to make. My friend married his girlfriend when she told him she was pregnant. He never considered that it may not be his child and she never told him this was a possibility. Fast forward 11 years later to their divorce. BM left him for another man and took their daughter who he adored. He had worked two jobs for 11 years to make a good home for them. He was a doting father and the little girl loved him to pieces. He filed for custody, at that point the BM told the court that he was not the child's biological father. DNA testing was done and he was not the biological father. The court told him he had NO legal rights for custody or visitation. He was devastated but had no legal recourse. He has not seen "his" daughter since. Unfair..yes, but painfully true. No matter how much you love that baby she can be taken away from you if your relationship does not work out. You are in a tough spot my friend and you may want to consider getting out now. I am so sorry.