Why am I always responsible for my SD?
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I have 2 boys, ages 7 and 12 and I have my SD 10. Am I wrong to wonder how it's fair for me to be full time mom to SD and my DH and his ex literally never have to drive her anywhere, take her shopping, keep up with who her friends are, go to school functions, etc etc etc. ???
I can honestly say that they do not do anything for her except exist. Is there anyone else who knows how I feel or am I just wrong?
I am not in that situation
I am not in that situation now, but I was with my ex hubby. Even though I worked fulltime I took care of my SS. His BM was on a drinking/drug binge with ner new boyfriend. When he did spend time with he he'd come home smelling of pot. I cooked, cleaned, read to, bathed that child. I also took him shopping and tried to take him to parks to let him socialize. My now ex hubby (his dad) would come home, say hi, hug him and besides eatting dinner with us really wouldnt interact with him. Its not right bc even though some of us stepparents do everything for the skids the parents are still more loved, put on a pedestal while us stepparents are overlooked. Its like parents to these kids just dont want the kids except for status (from parents, teachers) or tax exemptions. You are not alone your situation, maybe someday your stepdaughter will see everything you've done for her.
Ah Sweetie, I totally feel
I read a lot about disengaging, and in some areas (at least for me) that is what dh did. I wrote my inital welcoming thread about pretty much this same topic. It just doesn't feel fair darnit. Yes we knew we were becoming sm's... But we didn't agree to adopting the full-time thankless sm role. It sucks even more when the comments are made from dh "it's my kid" or from skid "you're not my mom".... Well for f's sake, then why is everyone pushing me to be? Why are you making this MY kid.
I don't know how to change this role. I do love my sd5, but I also think a child needs their bio parents. In addition I can not in good sense leave my sd5 to the hands of failure.... Not to mention it isn't fair to these kids to not have their needs met.
Love, and Guilt (at how I know her life would be) is what keeps me trudging through this full-time sm life. I am hoping through support, and advice on this site I can find the right motivators to at least get my DH to be a dad. Her BM can suck a frog for all I care though. She's a nut case.
Thank you for all the
Thank you for all the replies...it's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I have spoke to my DH about disengaging and naturally he got upset at the idea. I told him that it's not fair for DH and BM to make decisions for SD that I have to carry out (EX: BM's weekend but she wants to switch at the last minute and DH is ok with this) of course it's me and only me that have the cancel plans or rearrange my schedule to accomodate these decisions but when it comes to deciding things for my SD they are her "parents" but when there is a school party, dance, sleepover, etc, you don't see them anywhere.
I feel like if I disengage that SD will pay for it more than her bio parents would. Sure her bio's would have to start doing more but I honestly think they would be resentful about it. I guess I have a decision to make and I need to decide where I draw the line on all of this. Believe me I've put a lot of boundaries around this mess but DH and BM somehow manage to come out not having to lift a finger and not because I swoop in and save the day....I'd give anything to see them be parents for once and let me just be a SM.