Well, this may be putting the cart before the horse to some degree, but FH and I have spent so much time in the last few weeks talking about SDstb15 coming and living with us, I felt the need to draft a document outlining the commitments, rules, and guidelines we would like to set in place for the new full time family. We go to the lawyer's office Sat, and proceedings begin. BM does not have the financial wherewithall to fight this, so we hope it will be a relatively smooth transition, though she is going to blow a gasket when she gets served.

In any event, here's the document. I know it sounds a little hokey to have something like this, but SD has had so much disappointment at the hands of BM, so much constant punishment, so much ridicule and uncertainty, so much lack of concern and support, I really felt like on the cusp of a big change like this, having something concrete might help us all through a period of change. I'd appreciate any feedback, any glaring omissions, things you wished you'd have specified before a teen skid came to live with you, etc.

Keep in mind that SD is a very well behaved kid thusfar, and her biggest area of trouble has been lies of omission. Our proposed custody agreement outlines her being with BM every other weekend, and her grandparents want her on the opposite weekend, so unless someone cancels or SD has a school function that prohibits her visitation, we would not typically have SD from Sat morning until Sun afternoon....

I also can use advise on tone, I'm trying not to make it sound negative, but I'm afraid in my goal of recording as much info as possible, it might come off that way. Also remember most of these things have been discussed with her already, this is just formalizing the things we have all agreed to over many conversations...
Thanks for reading!

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FH, SD and northernsiren enter into the following agreement as it relates to their joining together as a team and full time family on this the ____ day of ______ 2009.

FH and northernsiren agree to support SD in the following ways:

1. Providing help and support with homework and test preparation
a. Reviewing assignments on a nightly basis
b. Following up on achievements
c. Communicating regularly with teachers
d. Providing a quiet environment for study
e. Discussing subject matter regularly
f. Assisting with rides for extra help or study groups
2. Encouraging personal growth and achievement
a. Supporting SD in extracurricular activities as long as they do not have a negative impact on her academics.
i. Providing rides whenever possible
ii. Attending functions, performances, and games
iii. These activities include but are not limited to
1. sports
2. academic clubs
3. volunteer work
b. Supporting relationships that are not detrimental to SD’s emotional well being or academic good standing
i. With her mother, step father and half siblings
ii. With her grandmother and grandfather
iii. With her extended family

FH and northernsiren further promise:

3. To challenge you to grow and mature into the best person you can be
4. To make the decisions we truly feel are in your best interests, but be available to listen to you should you wish to discuss compromise
5. To always be available to talk with you about any concerns you may have
6. To enrich your life in as many ways as we can

House Rules:

1. Your #1 priority, or job, is to do well in school. More than grades, we expect positive progress reports from teachers. As long as teachers report to us that you are trying your best and making a good effort, that constitutes doing well in school for us.

2. Your room must be kept neat and laundry must be handled in a timely fashion (no piling up!)

3. Computer and internet will be limited to until 10:00 pm on school nights and 12:00 am on weekends

4. Chat/IM function is not to be used until after homework is completed

5. We expect to be kept informed of where you are and with whom at all times

6. No television while studying

7. School nights, after any scheduled activity are to be spent at home, doing homework, studying, spending time with family or relaxing. Exceptions to this may be possible for: Dinners with family members and friends, school or activity related evening events, studying or project work with friends (as warranted and needed)

8. We as a family are committed to speaking to each other respectfully at all times

9. Friday night curfew: is 10:00 pm unless otherwise arranged. This is also contingent on a homework load that can be finished before visitation on Saturday and after your return home on Sunday evening

10. We must be kept updated on nightly homework, long term projects, grades and upcoming tests on a nightly basis

11. Pick up after yourself in the common areas of the house, including kitchen, bathroom and living room

Punishment:

We are not interested in yelling at you, taking things away from you, or making you feel bad. That said, if the above rules are not followed, there will be reactions. These reactions may include but are not limited to:

1. temporary suspension from extra curricular activities
2. loss of internet privileges in room
3. loss of gaming privileges
4. more supervision with homework or change of study environment
5. more frequent check in calls when not at home
6. “grounding” from social outings with friends for a set period of time

Chores:

As a family, we all pitch in to make the house a home. As a baseline, you are expected to keep your own personal space tidy, bed made, no dirty dishes, and keep up with your laundry. If your carpets are dirty, it is up to you to vacuum. If shelves are dusty, dust them. You have a space of your very own that reflects your choices and who you are, try your best to keep it a place you are proud of, and something to show friends and family when visited.

Additionally, chores from each category will be agreed upon for all of us. One “once a day” chore will be done by all family members, two “twice a week” chores, and one “once a week” chore will also be done. Additional requests may be made to pitch in should other cleaning or cooking projects be undertaken, such as clearing the table, assisting with feeding the pets, etc. We will not nag you to do these things.

Allowance:

If chores are completed regularly and completely, $15 per week on Friday will be provided as an allowance. Missed days or sloppy completion will result in reductions from this amount. Exceptions include but are not limited to sickness, injury, overwhelming school projects or unusual scheduling that otherwise prohibits doing chores on specific occasions.

This money is yours to be spent on outings with friends, personal shopping, games, movies, gifts for friends and family, or even saved for a rainy day or vacation. If you wish to make a specific purchase and want the opportunity to earn more money, just let us know, we will try to come up with additional chores or projects that will warrant the opportunity to earn more money.

Changes and Revisions:

This agreement is intended to be a living document. This means that, like the constitution, it can be changed and amended to suit the needs of the family. Like a democracy, changes will result from a discussion between FH, northernsiren and SD, and agreed upon.

(places for signatures below)