stressful environment
My SO took a break for 2 months where I lived at my parents house. I would drop off our son 18 months with SO in the morning at 8 and.pick.him up at 6. We didn't really.talk and I would.take more.clothes.with me.etc. now this week our son is really sick.so instead of transporting him back and forth in the cold. I spent the night at SO's house the past.2 nights. The first night it.was the lack of privacy and.SS9 being up SO's ass the while.time we barely.talked. then last night SO was working at home and then told.me.he was going to go out with his friends to discuss buisness plans. I got.mad.because I didn't stay there just to.be left alone with his kids all night. So he then invited his fronds over. I am mad because I've been trying to sit and and discuss our relationship with him for 2 months but he always has an excuse. So I felt very hurt when.he told.me.he.going.out to.talk with friends when we have needing to talk.badly. I had a panic attack.last.night.because all I kept.thinking was " is this how.my.life is going be forever if.I stay with SO" . Always stressed from.skids.if u read.my.blog.u know.I'm bascially a.custodial stepmom(sort of) we're not married.but have been.loving together for.4 years. I was a good stepmom before I disengaged to.save my.sanity. I don't know.what to do. Living.with my.parents is not easy either but at.least.there is always food.in the house and it is.clean. I hate.coming into a dirty.home.with a sink full of dishes, dirty laundry nasty bathroom. I feel like if I stay there I have to clean but I don't want to because SO should have not.let.it get bad. I literally.never get a break from skids ever! !!!!!! I don't.know if I want.to.move back.because I.know.my anxiety is going to get worse. Also a BIG problem we have is money!!! He's in financial hole-behind on bills,rent. No money for food or.household.items. I also have my.own financial trouble. I.don't make.enough to support myself.and our son so my parents still help.a lot. I'm financially dependent on them, then I feel like SO is.depending on me for.money. I'm stuck in a between a rock.and.a hard.place. I love my SO but living.with him and his boys after 2 months of.not.being there has made.me.have even less patience and more.frustration ..... I'm so confused I don't know.what to do. I
just wish I didn't feel annoyed,anxious and stressed when.I.was
there. I feel like no matter what I do I'm screwed because I want my son to have his.family.together but it drives.me.insanely.thinking that once my SO starts working out of the house. I will be stuck with his kids,our baby and a.dog all afternoon/night. I.don't want that.
We took a break. I have been
We took a break. I have been living.with my.parents.for.the past.2.months. I just spent the night the last 2 days b/c my.son.is sick. I guess to be together we have to.live together even.though I'm seeing that I don't.think I can do it. I would love to live.with him if a million things were different. I don't know.what we are.doing. --- things are complicated to say the least
So he is watching him all
So he is watching him all day? Works at home? If that is the case...not a good idea. I'm assuming you work all day, but not know because your son is sick. If he plans on getting a financial footing, the baby needs to go somewhere else. I started a home business when my kids were little and it is REALLY hard. I homeschool them know and I can pay the bills, but my business would be MUCH bigger if I didn't have my kids all day. And they are older. MOST men cannot multi-task. Either the business will be neglected, or your baby, or both. As a single mom you should have options for cheap/free childcare.
Regarding "what you two are doing," my guess is, not getting back together. Once you regain that freedom again, it is hard to go back. Keep looking forward and take care of your baby. If you are not healthy, he won't be either. A happy mom makes a happy child.
Thank you for your help. I'm
Thank you for your help. I'm so.thankful I found step talk and a lot advice. I love my SO but I feel like we.are.not a.good.match,want.different.things.and we can't communicate very well. I just.know.the feeling I get when I walk.in the house is tense and.anxious. once I.see.my.SS9 -just annoyed. I.feel like for.my anxiety/depression to get better I need.not.to live there. Its very hard because I feel torn between my heart and head.
Not sure why you are
Not sure why you are following this guy around instead of spending your time doing better for yourself so that you alone can support yourself and your child. I really don't understand.