FSD is saying that the neighbor girl touched her
I don't even really know where to begin. I didn't sleep well last night and I think that I'm in shock.
Last night the ex sends FDH an email stating that she needs for him to call her. He replied with a, "send an email." She came back with it's about the neighbor girl(6 or 7). I a sneaking suspicion as to what was going on so I FDH to call her before she does something like sends the cops over to our neighbors house. So FDH called her. She told FDH that FSD(7) told her that while she was having a sleep over that she touched the neighbor girls privates and the neighbor girl touched her privates and then smelled her fingers. FDH told her that he would be talking with FSD when it was his week about this and would be speaking with the neighbor girls parents. The ex immediately told him not to talk to FSD about what she had said and FDH yet again told her he would be speaking with FSD about this.
Now I know this neighbor girl pretty well. Out of all the kids that come over to play she is the most behaved and is very sweet. I told FDH last night that I don't think that she would do anything like that.
This same girl has had sleep overs with my BD so this morning I asked my daughter if the neighbor had ever touched her, asked her if she could touch her, or asked her if she would her in her privates. My BD said no to all of them. I then asked her if FSD had ever touched her and she said no. I asked her if FSD had ever asked if she could touch her and she said no. Then I asked her if FSD had ever asked her to touch her in her privates and she said yes. I then sent FDH a text letting him know what had happened.
Now we have to go and talk with the neighbor girl's parents about what FSD is claiming transpired. I think that if what FSD is saying is true that she iniated it for many reasons. One being what I just stated about the conversation between my BD and I this morning. The other reasons are for various things that I have seen FSD do.
when the kids were littlier we used to let them take baths together in the master bath. I walked in one time to get my BD out of the bathroom and caught FSD putting toys in her privates right in front of my BD. I was in the master bedroom one time when all three kids were in the bath and over heard FSD trying to talk my BD into kissing FSS's privates. I have walked into the bathroom and caught FSD with her mouth a few inches away from her little brother's privates spitting water onto it. FSS has come to both FDH and I to many times to count stating that his sister had touched his privates.
Now FSD has had history of extreme lying. The worst she's done to date was to lie to a cop and tell him/her that FDH had grabbed her by the face and slammed her head into the wall. CPS showed up and did an investigation which was later dropped. A week after that she came over for her weekly visit and when FDH and her were playing FDH picked her up and set her on the foot rest in the living room she bumped her head on the padding and then sat up and looked at FDH and told him, "remember what the cops said." She was six when she did this. She has run to her father bawling after I left to run some errands and lied to him about something I did. She has lied about her new stepfather being physically abusive towards her little brother.
She has also had a lot of behavorial issues in school, daycare, and at home. It's gotten to the point at school that she has been put in a friendship class in order to teach her how to interact with other kids on a socially acceptable level. She has been almost kicked out of daycare on more than one occassion due to behavior issues. Due to her stealing from other kids in daycare she was no longer allowed in the building when everyone else was outside playing because the teachers were affraid that she would steal stuff out of their purses. She has been caught stealing from my BD. She is a very mean, controlling, and dominiating child. It was so bad for my BD in kindergarten that the teacher split made sure that they weren't in the same class together because she was worried about my childs ability to be herself and interact with kids how she wants to.
I just don't know what to do. Can anybody offer anything. Words of wisdom, advise, suggestions? Anything?
I'm not sure how to go about
I'm not sure how to go about figuring out what the facts are here, but given the history of lying about very serious things, I would see about getting her in with a counselor to see if they can sort some of this out with her.
I agree with Scubed. Her
I agree with Scubed. Her brother flat out told you she was molesting him, and you've caught her being sexually inappropriate before. I don't understand why this wasn't addressed then.
I'm sure that your SD has been sexually abused herself. There is natural curiousity and then there is what she is doing. Touching people and asking to be touched.
You guys should probably report this. I have a feeling the neighbors may just do that for you, once they find out that she's been molesting their kid too!
AGREED! I don't know why
AGREED! I don't know why parents put all this stuff off and say, "It's just kids being kids."
It really isn't, not when it is over and over.
This poor kid has issues and possibly has been sexually abused. Get her help!
Time for a counselor or child
Time for a counselor or child psychologists. This sounds like she is acting out something that may have happen or that she has seen. Now that she is the aggressor things may get worst. Please make sure your DH and BM take this serious.
I also question why these
I also question why these children were allowed to continue bathing together unsupervised.
But this child needs professional help.
I agree with the others. Your
I agree with the others. Your sd needs help. I dont get why this hasnt been thought of before. My brother used to do things like this when I was young. He ended up sexually assaulted when I was 15 and he was 16. Even to this day I dont have anything to do with him. It destroyed me as a person.
I think they are young,
I think they are young, curious, experimenting and have no idea what they are doing. This is very common. I think making a big deal out of it will do more damage than anything. A 7-year-old cannot be a sexual predator. Talk to your family doctor. I am sure he will tell you it is normal.
I'm worried about your FSD.
I'm worried about your FSD. Some experimentation for kids is normal, but she strikes me as overly sexualized for her age. As far as her regular bad behavior, it is possible she's just a "bad seed", but it's also possible that something happened in the past (or is still happening) and it is causing her behavior problems.
Either way, she needs to talk to a professional.
Okay, first of all my FSD is
Okay, first of all my FSD is not a sexual preditor. Anyone who thinks that a 7 year old is worthy of that title is crazy. She doesn't realize what she is doing regardless of whether she knows it's wrong or right. She knows lying is wrong and yet she does it anyways. She'll also tell on herself for doing so. I'm sorry, but your being ridiculous.
Did I confess my concerns after what I witnessed in the bathtub? You bet your ass I did. Do I have control over someone elses parenting? No. And yes she is going to going to therapy whether she wants to or not.
You know I have been a member to this website longer than most of you that have responded. I didn't post this to hear most of the crap that has been shared. Yes, this little girl has a problem. This, if you hadn't read my post I was already aware of. She is still just a child. I don't agree with what she has been doing by a long shot but I am still willing to stand by her side and get her the help she needs.
In regards to the posts about her brother coming to both FDH and I saying that she touched him, I'm not sure if you have more than one kid, but if you do you will realize that they tattle on each other for the dumbest reasons. And most of the tattles aren't even true. FSS came to FDH and I several times while all three kids were outside playing stating that FSD touched her. Now when I see them all jumping on the trampoline a few minutes before FSS enters the house to tattle on her, I just assume that it probably did happen, in accident, while they were jumping on the trampoline. You see, instead of just assuming sh!t, why not ask a question. Like, "I don't underatand why things weren't stopped after FSS came to you. Could you please give more detail."
I appreciate all of the actual productive comments as well as the advise. But for all of you that would judge a 7 year old, I feel sorry for you. This child could have experienced unspeakable things, and she gets called a pedophile? Really? What about a scared and confused victim. Shame on you. I don't agree with her actions, but I see a cry for help and I am not about to call her names or throw her away for something that is beyond her control that she never asked for. These are classic child sexual abuse signs.
"FSS has come to both FDH and
"FSS has come to both FDH and I to many times to count stating that his sister had touched his privates." <<--your words This wasn't "kid tattling" like you said above.
Yes those are my words. I have watched both FSS and FSD jumping on the trampoline. I have watched them crach into each other and fall down on top of each other. FSS has then gotten off of the trampoline and walked over to me and told me that FSD touched his privates. Do I think that FSD did it? Probably. Do I think that she did it on purpose? Probably not. They both jumped into each other and fell down. Is there probably a pretty good chance that a hand, foot, or knee touched a spot it probably shouldn't have. Absolutely.
Now there have been times when we weren't outside that FSS has come to me or FDH and said that FSD touched his privates. Both FDH and I chalked it up to the times that we have seen, which were accidents. She has not molested her brother. And if my BD had seen anything, because she was outside too, she would have told me.
Here's an example of what I am trying to say. I was a having a conversation with a co worker(male). Another co worker(female) came over and stood behind him which he was unaware of. He swung his arm back and accidentally smacked her in the chest. He was completely imbarassed when he did it and the female co worker actually thought it was funny as did I. You see accidents happen all the time.
This child has been molested.
This child has been molested. Plain and simple. Get her help. Get ss help. This is so so wrong
You would be correct Ripley.
You would be correct Ripley. I am not in denial. The bathing together was put to stop a long time ago and FSS hasn't said anything about his sister touching him since last summer. Both FDH and I take this very seriously and have tried to nip the inapropriate behavior in the butt everytime it has happened.
Both FDH and I sat down with the other girls parents yesterday and talked about happened. According to what they said their daughter told them, both had a sleep over and were playing. Apparently FSD started talking about something sexually inapropriate. None of us know who iniated the touching. We know that the neighbor girl touched FSD first and then FSD did it to the neighbor girl. Both girls were fully clothed during all of this.
FDH emailed his ex regards to his findings. Now one of the things that the ex stated when she called is that FSD has been having very sexual conversations with her and seems be very interested in the female antomy recently. FDH let BM know that at our house the kids do not watch any inapropriate shows nor do we every hear her talking about sexual things. He also stated that FSD's interest in the female anatomy may be due to the ex allowing FSD into the bathroom when she was on her peroid and FSD seeing the blood on the toilet paper and her mother telling her all about what a period is and how it works. FSD has also stated to us when she returns from her mothers that she still showers with her mother. FSD has also stated that her mother told her that when she grows up she was going to grow hair on her privates and arm pits and she didn't want to grow up because of this when she was only 5.
Now this may not explaine the touching and some of the other wierd stuff that has happened but it would explaine her interest about the female body. As for the sexual conversations that she has been having. I have no clue what she has been saying to her mother. FSD does not talk like that at our house.
Working together with BM would be great but this lady is crazy. There is no working with her. A lot of FSD's behavorial issues stem from her mother. The meaness, dominating, controlling issues that I have seen in FSD I have also seen in her mother.
Another thing that needs to be looked into is her friends at school that she hangs out with. She told FDH and her mother that her and some of her firends pretend that they have an invisable camera and run around taking pictures of each others privates. I think that there is more to this and this may be why she has been having sexual conversations with her mother. Another child at school may be overly educated about this stuff.
In regards to her behavior, she will be seeing a therapist that specializes in this type situation. If she has been sexually abused, we will find out and it will be delt with. If she hasn't and she is going through some sort of wierd little phase, it will be delt with. From here on out FSD is no longer allowed to have sleep overs anymore and any inapropriate behavior will not be tolerated and there will be immediate consequences.