Need ADVICE on lazy, disrespectful teenage step-children..
First off, I am BRAND NEW here and I was so fed up I jumped online and this site came up so I decided I would try it :)I'm at my wits end and I need some much needed advice. My situation: I am a 27 year old woman dating a 41 year old man. He was previously married and he has 2 boys from that relationship ages 13 and 18. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we just had a little girl, she is 11 weeks old. My boyfriend is currently in a child custody battle with his ex so the 2 boys are here at our house every other week (twice a month)and they are on my last nerve!!Their life consists of playing video games. They do nothing around the house, no cleaning, no chores..nothing! The 13 yr old is disrespectful to his father, a liar, failing in school, he does not bathe himself smelling so bad it literally stinks the house , wastes food ("typical teenage behaviour" fine I get it). The 18 yr old just recently started going to school 1 day a week, does not work and expects us to drop everything to satisfy his wannabe "social life". They eat us out of house and home and of course the 18yr old does nothing to contribute but is the first one to complain. I know this doesnt sound like a big deal BUT let me tell you where I'm coming from. Since day one Ive lived with my boyfriend and his 2 boys; I contribute to bills and I am the one to buy groceries etc. I stay out of the custody drama, I've made nice with them and now that we have a newborn, that's obviously where my focus is. I went to my boyfriend numerous of times saying "hey can you tell them to clean up, do this, do that etc" stuff they should already be doing; and of course he will tell them to clean up...but my question is WHY do I constantly have to tell my boyfriend to basically teach his kids to be cleanly, responsible, and appreciative??! I'm currently still on maternity leave and I dont have time or the energy to clean up after 3 other people (besides myself and the baby). My boyfriend and I get into fights constantly because I feel like I'm living with annoying, dirty roomates! My boyfriend has told me that I need to start telling them what to do..but here's the thing...they are pretty much grown, they have a mother, I'm not trying to be their mother and I moved into THEIR lives, not the other way around. At this point I just dont really feel comfortable because I dont want it to come off as I'm trying to boss them around, and the 13 year old hates his dad so any and everything that he doesnt like, he goes right back to his bitter mother and she takes my boyfriend to court..which is the ONLY reason my boyfriend is going through this right now. I just want to know has anyone else gone through this? Entering a new relationship with already grown kids? What do I do? How am I supposed to feel? Am I overreacting?,,,at this point, I'm ready to take my daughter and move out! I'm already overwhelmed as is...please any advice, thanks!!
"I contribute to bills and I
"I contribute to bills and I am the one to buy groceries etc." --> I buy groceries too. I DON'T go shopping right before kid weekends. My money is not for them. I DON'T cook on Skid weekends. My time is better used on other things. All other days of the week, dinner is ready.
So caught on that he needs to get groceries for his kids. Sometimes he doesn't do it and he ends up having to go out 2 times a day to get them food. That's on him.
"WHY do I constantly have to tell my boyfriend to basically teach his kids to be cleanly, responsible, and appreciative??!" I gave this up a long time ago. i tried to get SO to teach his kids better, but he doesn't maintain it. He's not consistent and he doesn't care like I do. Its not your responsibility to make up for their father's shortcomings. They will be what they are going to be because of his parenting. At the age they are now, you aren't going to make much difference anyway. This should have been done when they were little. If they leave a mess, then leave it. Tell their dad he needs to clean their mess. All that matters, is that you aren't cleaning up after them. Who cares who does it.
Focus on you and your new baby. Don't do anything for anyone else. I will soon be in your position and I can't imagine my own child not being my sole focus during that time. Dad needs to deal with his children. If he tells you to handle them, I'd just leave it go and let them do whatever. Then I'd tell BF someone is cleaning up that mess and its not going to be you. I have left dishes for 4 days in the sink from the skids. SO finally cleaned it up. I'm not a maid. You have enough to do.
Doncha know we're supposed to
Doncha know we're supposed to leave it all in biodad's all knowing hands? And let him "decide" whether or not he wants to address your issue with his kids. :sick: (GG 5:7)
I feel your pain!!
Always anxious: SO right! By
Always anxious: SO right! By Friday of skid weekend we're almost out of groceries, just enough left for weekend. I literally love this plan. I used to buy grated cheese for meals, SS12 would eat entire bags! Started buying it in blocks-he is too lazy to grate it! You live and learn methods of dealing w/these things. Now I leave all dishes and cups as they were, for DAYS even, until SO picks them up. If my 6 and 3 yr olds can put their dishes in the sink, why can't a 12yr old? This shit is ridiculous!