4 years... when does it change?
I am new here and might just ramble on...sorry in advance... i have been living with boyfriend for 4 years...my children are grown and gone with children of their own. Boyfriend has two teenagers left at home that we get every other week..(week on week off) he works 2nd i work 1st. Heis children dont respect me as the other parent or that the belongings and house is OURS not just DAD's.... dad, wont set record straight...that We are the parents..and that they can ask me permisson on things such as spending the night somewhere (example)... He says and has said for 3 years now that we will sit down and discuss all of this...NEVER happens...Now, boyfriend says i am being TOO STRICT... on what ? them treating me with respect, and treating me as the other parent? then he says that can't i ever be happy?... all i do is nag!....
I am tired of cleaning up after a 16 and 17 year old...crumbs, trash...ect. they come over to our house and act like they are on vacation....ss even said i was being a BITCH... and never got a punishment nor did i get an apology...but, yet boyfriend expects a 2 1/2 year old(my grand daughter)to clean up a spilled water on kitchen floor. yet he will clean up after teens. He use to even cut teenagers meat up when i moved in....i am at a loss...
thats easier said than
thats easier said than done.... i have tried to leave the mess's and dishes....i HATE a messy house..and i shouldnt have to live in a mess, its my house too.....and on top of that he will then do it all... and what are the kids learning?
when first starting i left
when first starting i left the skids dishes they accumulated off to the side of the counter. if they were there too long i would mention to DH that the dishes from his boys were still dirty. he would either wash them or most often throw them away. this seemed like a huge waste to me, but you know what - they're his dishes and he will buy new. (i kept my dishes i came with and i will use them when all Dh's are dirty or gone. i will not share because i did not cause the dishes to go missing). you're right - the skids are NOT LEARNING A THING, but they're not yours - don't take responsibility for them or feel it's a reflection of you. they're not. this is one of the biggest lesson's i've learned. HUGE weight off my shoulders.
i agree with foxie. i have
i agree with foxie. i have been with my DH for almost 4 years. He too has teenagers ( boys 15 & 17).
it doesnt' get better unless your BF helps it get better and it doesn't sound like he's helping it to get better.
they're not going to see you as a parent type if you're just "dad's girlfriend", don't mean that in a bad way, but i'm sure you're not the first after their mom. i know i wasn't the first female in the skids life after their mom. they were decent to me and i was nice to them and picked up after them, did their laundry, dishes, made special food they liked. after a while it got old because they would not thank unless told and they didnt' appreciate shit. SO i disengaged. i told DH why i was backing off doing the nice things (not appreciated by ANY of them). i will still cook, clean, and laundry for DH and i, but his boys are either on their own or DH can do it.
it's kind of the bitch about being with a man with children. they're his babies and they will always be, you just have to realize that these little deamons will NEVER be held accountable for ANYTHING.
Its the same ole
Its the same ole thing...boyfriend tells me i let things BOTHER ME too much.... i tell him that HE Doesnt let things bother him enough.... or that i am just being nit picky or nagging... even when i have asked to pick up after them selves simple as rinsing their dishes off)..TIME AND TIME &OVER AND OVER AGAIN......boyfriend asks me "can't you ever be happy"? I tell him, well, if issues between you, me and the kids would be taken care of....expl. (i am also parent, that this is OUR house and WE make the rules....YES... i could...again he tells me that i let things bother me TOO much!!!!