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can time really stand still?

forever2's picture

Submitted by forever2 on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 4:41pm

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I used to think that when I was suffering on the treadmill, trying to finish those 3 miles without passing out, that time HAD to move forward. Time cannot stand still even though it feels like it when you are suffering. I am always intrigued by the difference in 30 seconds of holding your breath in a cold pool versus 30 seconds getting a luscious massage. The perception of time fascinates me. For the past three years, I have been constantly amazed at the time it takes for one week to pass with skid (a century) versus the time it takes for a week to pass without him (I must have blinked, its over!) Anyway, what is my point? For those of you who hate living with skid (and therefore with BM), do you spend your time thinking about how long until he is grown and gone? I think constantly about the day he goes off to college. I fantasize about it like I used to fantasize about what my first kiss would be like, or my wedding day. The problem is, he is only 12...12 years and 3 months and a handful of days to be exact. If you love your man, and hate your situation, then its temporary right? What is 6 years compared to a lifetime together? Its worth hanging in there by our fingernails right? Everything worth having is worth waiting for, right? Im just not sure. How many of you feel like me? How many of you are waiting and counting the days? How long is too long to put your happiness on hold? I wonder if anyone is out there who waited and waited and waited, and then was disappointed? I want someone who has been there to tell me if I am a saint or a fool for trying to justify this existence for six years. Some days I think...what's 6 years in the scheme of things? Other days I think that six years is a lot of my life to wish away.

bestwife's picture

Submitted by bestwife on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 5:23pm

at my age - late 50s - 6 years is nothing.

But you need to be discussing RIGHT NOW what will happen at that magic age of 18. Will the skid be living with you while going to school or just be living with you indefinitely? Or better yet never to spend another night there.

I see way too many posts here about skids who never leave and bring home their newly minted little bastards.

My SSs are grown - one is totally alienated (should be in prison) and the other is homeless, etc. He is NEVER allowed here except for an occasional 1-2 hour visit. No spending the night. No staying here even to take care of the dog which would save us $100s in boarding fees when we travel.

Artemis's picture

Submitted by Artemis on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 5:33pm

When I think about the amount of time it's going to be before the kids are out (13 years) it makes me think about the fact that it's going to be that amount of time before FDH and I will have our time. It makes me wonder if I'm going to want to go out and have fun anymore, if I'm going to still be able to ware two piece swimsuit on vacations, if I'm still going to be attractive to FDH. 13 years is a long time.

It makes me sad sometimes.

BabyDoll's picture

Submitted by BabyDoll on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 5:51pm

I fantasize about it almost every night. In my fantasy, it is 12:01 am on the day of my SS17's birthday. I serve my DH a birthday cake with candle in the shape of a zero with the word "Freedom" written on the top of the cake. The candle symbolizes starting his life over without having to deal with BM. Please don't think I am callous. My SS17 who lives with my DH and I is a wonderful kind child. On the other hand, his BM... well, there is a reason she is not the custodial parent and I would prefer to leave it at that.

jaded's picture

Submitted by jaded on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:03pm

We have yet to go on a real vacation and we are almost 3 years post last CS payment. I have kinda given up on that whole idea. Vacation to DH = travelling to visit and spoil the Sd's, their SO's and their children.

OptimisticMe's picture

Submitted by OptimisticMe on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 7:52am

ME ME!! We have had SD full time since she was barely 5. On her 8th birthday, I realized my good influence would not make her "nice" and I started counting down the years until I didn't have to live with her. 10 years is now 6 (she is 12). It has actually gone by a bit faster than I had expected, but we still have a long way to go.

I often tell DH that she will be expected to move out on her 18th birthday. She has considered going to a college in our town and that scares me. If she is still a deceitful, lying, stealing little brat, she can get student loans to pay for her housing. She likely won't end up going to college anyways.

What scares me the most is what happens when their age says they are adults, but they don't act like it. What happens when their car breaks down when they are out of town at 22? When their boyfriend kicks them out at 23? When they have a child and can't afford daycare? When they go to jail what happens to their kid? I had been so excited about "18"...but I am starting to realize that things might get worse instead of better. As they get older, their problems just get bigger Sad Do we have to write them off to get out of their grips?

OptimisticMe's picture

Submitted by OptimisticMe on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 7:56am

And a biggy I have been thinking of lately...when I see her neglect her children in the future, what do I do? She has an attachment disorder and her mom abandoned her, so it is likely to happen. Do I call child protective services on her? Do I take them from her? I don't want to raise her so I certainly don't want to be raising her kids.