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SD not accepting new baby...

firefly25's picture

Submitted by firefly25 on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 2:16pm

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Parenting Issues

I want to do something but not sure how, what or when or even if I should.......My BF and I lived in different states when we found out we were expecting. I moved to NY with my Son (14)when I was 4 months to be with my BF. BF has (3)children, girl 11, boy 9 and boy 6. The boys all love the baby but his daughter would like nothing more than for us to disappear and has never interacted with her baby sister. Her brothers tease her about not interacting with the baby. Grandpa had both granddaughters sitting on his lap for a picture and she looked like she was going to implode when the baby reached for her hair. She doesn't interact at all with the baby......not sure what I can do about this. I just feel bad for his daughter and don't know how to help her or even if I should. Maybe we should just let it ride out.....but for how long is acceptable.
Has anyone else had this happen with a new baby entering a blended family?

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 2:43pm

My oldest SS 9, at the time, had no interest (except possibly to kill him) when I had BS but I believe that was just jeaously and possible bad things told to him by BM.

I may be wrong but I'm just going to guess that like my SS, your SD will grow closer to the baby with time. It took BS being old enough to play, laugh and have a good time with him before SS appeared to have decided that he might not have to pitch him off the roof. Wink He's now 15 mnths and both his SB's seem to be sincerly smitten with him and he adores them. Now my big concern is how to make sure he doesn't pickup their disrespectful behavior.

WickedStepMom18's picture

Submitted by WickedStepMom18 on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:05pm

It's definitely jealousy. Definitely. The problem is - the harder you come down on her for her behavior, the more she will dislike the baby. She'll blame the baby for that too. At 11 (my SS's age), she should be able to handle a conversation about it. Perhaps ask her why she doesn't want to bond with her sister? Get her talking. Let her know that you are not happy about the situation because you feel she is missing out on bonding with the baby. Let her know that her sister needs her. She may feel unwanted because no one can steal the spotlight when there's a cute baby around! See if you can get her involved when doing things for the baby. If she feels needed by you, she'll warm up to your baby girl quickly. Maybe go clothes shopping for both of them and ask her to pick out a few items for her sister? It is glaring to me that this little girl doesn't know how to express how she is feeling. So, try and coax it out of her. Good luck and let me know how things go.

firefly25's picture

Submitted by firefly25 on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 8:59pm

I agree totally with you on her being jealous. Honestly SD11 has never had a conversation with me so getting her to help me do things with the baby isn't an option. I figured it out last night just what is happening here.....I should of put this together earlier. We picked his kids up at their mothers (only second time seeing the Ex and never spoken to her) usually I am home with the baby and he picks them up. This woman shot daggers at me - it was totally noticable by everyone - including the kids. It gave me chills and I felt so geez I don't even know how to explain. His boys waved at me, said hello and hopped in the van, his daughter didn't want to come for the weekend. Now I feel like its my fault that she is not here.... I completely get it now....I have no chance with making friends with this little girl. Its very sad to know that a mother would influence her child this way and sabbatoge any outside relationships. Its weird cause you would think she would be over things as its been almost 3 years since they were divorced. Maybe when she finds a freaking man she will be more of a human. I guess we are all different. All the crap my ex put me through - not ONCE did I ever speak an ill word to my son. NEVER - he can form his own opinions of his Dad. My Son will find out when he is old enough - god for bid he googles him. I had this stupid idea that we could be at least polite. What the hell did I do. What a bitter woman. I feel sorry for her. This is weird.