Hi I'm 27. I signed up here because I'm not yet a SM, but the possibility looms on the horizon. I'm employed with a pretty good job, live alone and I'm independent. I have an idyllic relationship with my significant other...but another thing altogether when his kids are in the picture. I do not have kids, nor did I ever want any. But I've fallen in love with my SO and I know I must accept them too if we're to be together.. 6 months into our relationship, we finally got time alone. Yea, since we met, he's always had his kids and we'd never been alone like that. He feels some sort of crazy responsibility for them even though the oldest is not his. His ex wife cheated while he was deployed some years ago. They tried to work it out, the second is his (I still question it silently) and even after that, they couldn't.

He is out of the army now, but his ex is still in. This is where trouble comes in. She is in her mid 20's and spoiled, irresponsible, mean, and selfish. Since her schedule was "hectic" as she claimed, the two were living together when he and I met. A stretch, but ok. This chick claims to be all holy and God-fearing one minute (fooling her fam) but truthfully she's the exact opposite. The kids (2 & 5) lived with her, but thats it. My SO took care of them-getting them to school and daycare and whatnot. I've been there to see that she gets off work, heads to her BR and closes the door behind her-not to be heard from unless she wants dinner or through the door talking on the phone with her BF, skyping, or playing video games.

She'll let her lights get turned off because she wants to go eat out or some new Ugg boots. But she knows how to manipulate-she isn't stupid, but she knows if she is a bad parent, someone will step in (him or her parents) to take the kids away so she can be free. She was out in the field for a month in September and instead of doing something with them before she left, she went out with her friends. And the whole time he was working and taking them to school, doing homework, cooking dinner, laundry-the whole 9. He was waking up early, and going to bed late, and always exhausted. That almost ruined us that month...he had no time for me. We would talk for 5 minutes, he'd ask me what was wrong, I'd begin telling him and all of a sudden he'd have to get off the phone. So I stopped talking cause there wasn't a purpose. I could always tell that he was elsewhere thinking about what he needed to be doing... And being that our relationship is long distance, we need to keep communicating...

He recently offered to move in with me, the catch was that the boys would also be moving in as well. I have a slight problem with that as I think she needs to do what needs to be done as a parent, accept responsibility and they need to stay with her because he will contribute to them and make an effort to see them. Whereas she wont. Someone else has her kids and she conveniently forgets she has any. If we have them, then we'll have them-she will contribute NO money to babysitters, school lunches, day care, nothing. But when its convenient-come tax time, she'll file them and my SO will let her. I'm like, if I'm paying for these kids to live, then no, she won't. He's too stubborn/proud to ask her for it and she knows he won't. I told him if it was like that, then try to take her to court to give up her parental rights, but nor will he do that.

Right now we're on a break because of him wanting to move them here-which is, by the way 5 hours from where she lives. I would like for him to leave them where they're at instead of moving them around like that, plus she sees them everyday now and what if she gets deployed and killed-they'll not have spent time with their mother. He says they'd be with us for only a year or so, but I honestly don't see it ending that soon. I know how those kinda promises go. A year of her with no kids, partying and doing as she pleases and she's suddenly going to want to stop, and become a parent then? She knows he'll step in, so that's why she complains more than not-if she knew he wouldn't and they're her kids and he wouldn't take them, she'd get her crap together. All the while I know its the kids that are losing out. I feel bad for them because she's basically saying she doesn't want them.

Recently, he visited for 2 weeks and the whole time he was here, she called and texted wanting him to "come get" them. And apparently he talked to her about moving up here so her texts revolved around "can you have the boys moved out by Thanksgiving?" "When are you coming to get them?" They're getting on her nerves, etc. She wants to rent out her 2nd bedroom which is her sons room in her apt... She has no money-blah blah. But he gets back down and she has bought new furniture and a play station for her bedroom. Not sure why she needs to rent out a bedroom when her parents pay her rent cause she's the stupid adult she is because they gave her a sense of entitlement and no responsibility. Has never held a job besides this being in the army, my ex was the sole person when they were married, etc. She's a poor excuse...and it makes me mad because we should ALL be working together cause these kids are in the picture. They need structure and stability and their behavior is evident that they have neither...not the best kids. He LETS her manipulate him and I get mad about it and he's still none the wiser. But we have a hell of a relationship. Now hes gone and asking me to reconsider him and the 2 boys moving in like ASAP, but if they do, I think we'd have to be roomates instead. I'm at wits end and I don't know what to do. I want to be with him but these kids and this situation is a problem. I see them pushing us apart. I don't know if I should agree to this or just let this relationship go.

I know he had them when we got together and if it was normal every other week type sharing kids, it would be fine, I like the kids, and do okay around them. I've even babysat and helped the 5 year old with homework cause I know she would not. This is a royal mess and when we met he was not the full time dad he is now...I don't know what to do.