OOPS! sorry all for posting the same thing over and over, something weird was happening with my computer I think. Wasn't trying to forcefully express my opinion at all here Sorry.

Momof5_1969

To be honest if my husband said he didn't want to offend his daughter so he would be attending the baby shower, I would feel betrayed. It would hurt me deeply to think that he would attend this function knowing that I had been ignored in such a horrible way by the person whom the shower was for, and I dont' care if it is his daughter, in fact it would make it worse for me that it was his daughter, because in attending her shower without saying a word to her about her bad behaviour shows her that he is not only happy and comfortable with how you were treated by his daughter, but he supports how she treats you by his attendance at the shower.

This situation I believe will only get worse for you, once these daughters deliver the ultimate weapon to e used against you - the new baby, the miserable life you had before will become unbelievably more miserable. I think your brother and sister in law are being very unfair to you here, they think your husband has a right to see his daughter and be a part of not only the grandchilds life, but all the events leading up to it, whilst you are left on your own on the sidelines looking in. Marriage isn't all about the wife or the husband, it is supposed to be a partnership and it should be about US not me or him. Your in laws are thinking of your husand's needs and wants, and they are certainly making sure your SD gets what she wants, but What About YOU. What about your needs surely it is not too much for you to expect to be treated as though you are a part of the family and as such should be invited to family events. It will never happen, but if your husband and his family stood up to her and said look this is rude, you wouldn't need to be on this site. Why are these me so afraid of their adult daughters, and for the most part it seems to be the daughters who are causing all the trouble in our relationships, well perhaps I should say the father's of these spoilt brats who are causing all the trouble.

I have come through the 1st pregnancy of my husbands daughter and let me tell you - he allowed her to treat me like dog poo on the soles of her feet, despite my warning him at least 4 times that this was going to get worse after the baby was born. Would he listen, no, so it did get worse after the baby was born, well for me it did anyway. However because it got so bad for me it forced me to make a decision - ban the rude little cow from my home, and if that included the boyfriend and the baby so be it. I completely turned the tables on my husband, and after 8 years of abuse from his daughter called it a day with her. I was not about to put up with her teaching the child to ignore me in my own home as well. In taking a stand and looking after my own physical and mental health I inadvertantly put my husband in the position of having to suffer due to his daughter's behaviour. She went off when I banned her, and my husband of course is quite upset that his daughter is no longer welcome here. Funny thing though, the two people who caused all the trouble in this house, my husband and his daughter are now the only two suffering. I think that is fair enough, he taught her no manners, he accepted her ignorant treatment of me and my family, and his failure to address her rudeness gave her free reign to do as she pleased in my home and to treat me appallingly because she took his silence as acceptance.

It hurt at first to see my husband hurting, but stepaside made a comment that made complete sense to me and after mulling it over for a few days I decided she was absolutely right - for 8 years my husband watched and ignored his daughter's appalling treatment of me HIS WIFE and seemingly was happy all the time doing it. He didn't get upset for me, he wasn't worried about how she treated me, he certainly wasn't worried or concerned about how hurt and upset I was by his daughter's treatment of me, so why should I now be concerned about him feeling hurt beause I simply said enough. Funny thing was that a small part of me always remained upset that he was suffering right up until the envelope containing photos of the baby (and bigger ones of his daughter LOL),were hand delivered by daughters boyfriend to our letterbox addressed to my husband only and my husband despite all that had happened, still said "She did'nt mean anything by it" Yes she did, she was showing me exactly how she felt in no uncertain terms. Just as she had let me know quite clearly from day one that I was not welcome in her life, she was now letting me know that I was not welcome in her baby's life, she was being provocative and daddy defended her YET AGAIN.

I banned her from my home in August, and I won't say I am happy about it, I would much have preffered that we could all have just got along and been civil, but this piece of work was never going to let that happen,she walked in to my home hating my guts and she hadn't even met me. I have 3 children, they are normal and give us no trouble, my husband has The Princess and 2 sons, the 2 sons are living in a dictatorship and whenever they were here on their own they were great, when they were here with The Princess they truly did not say a word to either their father or myself, so now that Princess Natalie has been banned the sons no longer come around. All this trouble because 1 adult child out of 6 is a selfish self centered little cow who thinks that as long as daddy has a wife she won't get any money from him. So, as I said as much as I am not happy and would have preferred a different outcome for this family, I am glad I never have to see any of them ever again, and I am less stressed, my physical health is getting better, and I have come to the conclusion - If my husband still chooses to do nothing and not see his daughter and grandaughter because he doesn't want to insist that his daughter grow up and behave herself - then that is his choice, I choose not to be insulted and treated as an unwelcome guest in my own home any longer.

LizzieA, I don't know how many times over the years I tried to put forth different scenarios to my husband. In fact I reminded him several times over the years of the fact the he no longer spoke to his nephew's wife, WHY well because whenever we saw her which was about 3 times a year she did not say hello first. He felt that she should be the first one to say hello and was insulted because she didn't, he wasn't going to be treated like that, so he refused to speak to her, and ultimately lost his relationship with his nephew because of it.

It was like talking to a lump of cement, he honestly felt that it was okay for him to feel like that, his nephew's wife in my husbands opinion was RUDE to him. But when I compared that to his daughter's treatment of me............response "YOU JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT" His daughter would come into my home, bring alcholol and offer it to daddy and her brothers not me. Whenever I tried to speak even to my own husband in my own home she would cut me off and talk over the top of me - every single time. She never said hello or goodbye and would constantly make snide remarks, she refused to eat or drink (except the alcholol) she brought in, or alcholol that daddy poured for her from his bar, why - because as she said many times, she didn't want to get germs. If my children came when she was here, they would say hello to her, and she would not respond, but that seemingly in my husand's world is ok. Lizzie, I think there is something mentally wrong with men like this, I don't think presenting scenarios to them has the impact that it would on someone of normal intellect, they really don't get it. The relatioships they have with their daughters is clealry inappropriate and often seems to border on emotional incest. Something is not quite right here and I don't know what it is. The daughters are narcissistic at best or worse psychopaths and their fathers are either defensive or in complete denial. Either way, these men are selfish, because in allowing their daughters to behave this way they are not teaching them manners or social skills, and they are denying their daughters a normal life. These young women all seem to be angry, selfish and fearful of anyone taking their place in daddy's life, which doesn't sound exactly like they are living a happy normal life to me. Why when they have boyfriend's fiance's husand's of their own are these women hell bent on keeping daddy all to themselves and why are the daddies flaterred by this.

I think it was Stepaside who came up with original idea of attenting the party, being obnoxious and driving over the mail box. Do you remember the movie 'Second Wives Club'? Wouldn't it be great to get together with some other SMs and give back to SDs the grief they gave to us?

JoJoBo, I wonder if your MIL was dealing with a SD instead of a SS would her husband have made the same phone call. The father's of girls don't seem to want to do the right thing as your MIL's husband did, and yet I am convinced the outcome would be the same, all it takes it for daddy to speak up. But your little footnote that hubby is a multimillionaire made me laugh, I am sure SS and his wife took that into account. Glad it has worked out for your MIL though no matter what the reason behind it SS and wife no longer rude to her, and her husband supported her at a time when he should have. Life is too short for all of this nonsense.

I got that crap all the time Mustang1, it makes everything so much worse doesn't it. Everything his daughter did that caused trouble in this house was always my fault. I would offer her a drink, she would say no, and mutter something about germs, when I would complain that he needed to say something to her, even that would be my fault, he couldn't understand why I was upset because if that was how she felt, that was how she felt, so what, why did I have to pick on everthing and so on and so on. Fun isn't it.

I used to hear that crap too - for over 20 years. It was always my fault for taking things wrong or not making SD and her hubby feel welcome. Now I could care less what any of them think or say. I will never allow anyone to accuse me of something I haven't done or discount my feelings again. After SDs verbal (and almost physical) attack on me just before Christmas last year DH knows he will never, ever convince me that I am at fault in any way. I was even suprised a few months ago when he said, "Noone should be treated like that in their own home."