I can relate too.

But, like Katrinke, it's gotten better.

BM threatened to serve us many times and actually did only once. But the fear is almost all gone now that the verbal agreement they had is IN WRITING, and DH is following it to the letter (except with regard to taking the kids extra, he takes any extra time he gets).

The fear drove me crazy, I hated my life then. Things are so much calmer now that I don't even have to think about stepkids or BM on a daily basis.

DH and I both learned to control our emotions better too. The kids didn't return his call, well we're angry and sad, but you know what, we're not going to let it ruin our night. We'll play with our kids, watch a movie, have fun, enjoy our lives, and not let BM and the stepkids have the power to ruin our day. Your DH has to understand what he IS in control of (the atmosphere in your own home) and not BM drama affect your family.

Good luck! It does take time. It took 3 years to reach here for me, and we still have a long way to go

Its unfortunate that an adult makes their whole lives about their children and every emotion is tied to them. Add a BM with drama... yes I get it. It sucks.

Totally get it...It is getting better since we have SS full time now. But, the problem is she has done so much damage that I feel like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. My other problem is we can be having a nice dinner and BM's car goes past the window because SD's friend lives down the street. So annoying. The bitch never goes away.

I understand how your'e feeling. Although my situation is not the same as yours but I can understand the mood swings that are driven by BM.

I call her a tornado who sucks us into the vortex. The way I explained it to my hubby was that we can't control BM and what she does, but we can control our home environment. When the mood "shifts" then we are giving her control.

Breaking the cycle BM set in our home took a very long time to break. We were in agreement that we did not want her controlling our home and us; we also agreed that when we have something to discuss about BM or something that angers us, we give it little "air time". We say what we need to, but then we move on. I think we both observe from the outside looking in and catch ourselves in the vortex and stop.

I also clued my hubby into his "mood swings". He wasn't always aware how he changed when something happened. I would ask him how he was and he would always say "fine, why?" I would share with him what I thought had happened; how his mood and and behavior changed and he would tell me he was affected by BM's behavior.

It's a process...and BM's know that DH's love their children and use the one "possession" (in BM's mind) that will have an effect on them.

Hang in there!

It has taken us 14 yrs to take control back. We were both in the sk pleasing mode of wanting them to feel part of our family- and sewers constantly receiving emails and phone calls how horrible we were how we didn't include the kids in the devising making process, you get the drift. There was always a dread everytime the sk went home. Every time we had to plan an extended stay. Ask for extra time- all of it made me physically ill.

What changed? When we went to court for college expenses and came out fighting. He stood up and said no more it was real ugly and SD was drug into it.

And then I decided I was burned out on the blended family. So yes the sk are treated differently then my biokids. They don't live with me and he sends support to cover clothes and shoes. Sorry mom doesn't buy what you want.

Life is typically better. Of course she is lying in the bed she made. She says the sk should have the choice of coming to our house so fine. Now she's trying to date and has to be the bad guy.

It has taken us 14 yrs to take control back. We were both in the sk pleasing mode of wanting them to feel part of our family- and sewers constantly receiving emails and phone calls how horrible we were how we didn't include the kids in the devising making process, you get the drift. There was always a dread everytime the sk went home. Every time we had to plan an extended stay. Ask for extra time- all of it made me physically ill.

What changed? When we went to court for college expenses and came out fighting. He stood up and said no more it was real ugly and SD was drug into it.

And then I decided I was burned out on the blended family. So yes the sk are treated differently then my biokids. They don't live with me and he sends support to cover clothes and shoes. Sorry mom doesn't buy what you want.

Life is typically better. Of course she is lying in the bed she made. She says the sk should have the choice of coming to our house so fine. Now she's trying to date and has to be the bad guy.

This was a problem with us from the get-go with SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy. To this day, he has never once spoken with me, although he has screamed obscenities in my direction a few times. Everything is conflict-oriented. He sued DW within a week of our wedding, trying to change up the custody agreement. He didn't do this because he wanted to see SD more, he just wanted to be relieved of child support. He represented himself in this matter, and got his ass handed to him in court.

The next year he sued us again, supposedly because I had hurt his feelings with something I allegedly said to SD. I made sure that we made this a very expensive experience for him, replete with Interrogatories, depositions of him, his wife, his boss, etc. We also ambushed him with some recordings we had made of him screaming and cursing at DW, and trying to blackmail her. Needless to say, he got his ass handed to him again. I don't think he anticipated the expense and trouble that I caused him on the 2nd go-round, so he hasn't sued us again.

However, for years we were worried about the "other shoe dropping." For us, the boogeyman was that "perfect" bio-daddy would sue for custody again, and that SD would say that she wanted to live with him. However, as the years have gone by, this threat has lost its bite, because I am sick of dealing with SD, and DW is too. This doesn't stop her from guility "friend" parenting when SD is here, but DW has finally admitted that she would be happier if SD lived with her dad. So, his "big gun" of threatening to take SD is more like a water pistol now. If he tries, who cares, it doesn't worry us anymore.

At the end of the day, you can't control what the ex does. You can only control yoursef. If you are dealing with an unreasonable, spiteful horse's ass like SD's bio-dad, that means that you scrupulously adhere to the letter of the divorce decree, and hoping that he doesn't get a wild hair up his ass and sue you over something that is pure BS.