Anyone else TIRED of living in fear of BM?
Ugh, this just kills me.
She lives hundreds of miles away, DH and she literally NEVER speak, and yet somehow this woman is a huge negative presence in our marriage.
All she has to do is not return a phone call for the night (phone visitation with SS7) and DH is in a foul mood. Some nights it's hurt. Some nights it's fury.
Some nights phone visitation is great. Then life is great! DH in a great mood, all is well. But if the phone call is even slightly off...if SS7 isn't exuberant during phone call, if he's rushing DH off the phone, blowing him off, etc...yup, you guessed it--foul mood.
Not to mention the fear/paranoia of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. DH is always in fear of being served. Well guess what? He was served just the other night (again). This has prompted an entire new set of worries about retainers and legal fees and fighting and all of the nonsense that comes with BM and her drama. It makes DH tense. It makes him angry. It makes the air in our home thick with tension and I can't stand it.
Not to mention that it bugs the hell out of me that because of drama with SS7 and his BM, BS1 gets the shaft. DH isn't in the mood to play, be fun daddy, hang out with BM drama hanging over his head. So BS1 gets to enjoy the crapstorm while SS7 is blissfully unaware.
Please tell me someone else knows how this feels...I'm so damn tired of it.
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BM in my case hasn't had much
BM in my case hasn't had much influence over GG (biodad) since the skids haven't set foot or made any contact with him in over two years (three years for the older two). . .
EXCEPT for the feeble attempt at "reunification" this past Spring. GG got abusively angry with me for emailing a fellow STalker about our situations, SOOOO he went out to "prove" that his kids weren't POSs by taking them up on their offer of counseling.
Background: The Behemoth (BM) sends highly scripted "heartstrings" cards to GG regularly to guilt him back into providing non-parental status babysitting and open wallet disneydadding. She has ZERO interest in GG going to counseling to rectify his relationship with his extremely PASed out kids. GG called her bluff by going. . . the result is as follows:
The oldest one (SS 15) told GG basically to "pound salt" and has not contacted him since; he's gonna be a famous rock star, doncha know so no need to do well in school per the BM.
The most problematic middle child (SD stb 13) stood up GG THREE TIMES IN A ROW b/c GG wanted to talk about her constantly failing school.
The youngest one (SS eight 1/2) has been a no show for over two years since he didn't get his way for dinner. (yes I"m serious; he objected to a homecook meal and we haven't seen him nor heard from the BM about it for over 2 years)
What I can't stand is that GG is WAAAY overpaying his CS but is afraid to take raises b/c we never know when the Behemoth, who is a county child protective worker and knows all the angles, will drag him back for an increase.
Auteur: I've long enjoyed
Auteur: I've long enjoyed reading about the shenanigans at your home. I feel for you--surrounded by the likes of VD and Prince Hygiene
Bootuff: I wish I could say that despite limited to no contact, things were better for us.
I just can't stand that this woman can say "BOO" (through email of course, as she would never allow him to hear her voice) and DH jumps. So she gets to enjoy her power trips and we (BS1 and I) get to enjoy having an angry, tense DH any time she pulls her nonsense. Which is regularly via email.
FRUSTRATED.
tell you dh and point it out
tell you dh and point it out every time. I couldn't live like that and I would refuse to. He shouldn't be taking it out on you and your son.
You're absolutely right. I
You're absolutely right. I share in some of the fault here for just allowing this to go on!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yes, this.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yes, this. You understand. It's like living under a black cloud and I'm so tired of it.
This horrible woman shouldn't have so much power over what happens under our roof.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this...
IMO, I don't think it's BM...I think in this case it's your DH...He needs counseling, IMO...
BM acts the same way over here, but my DH blows her off and keeps her in check...He knows why his daughter acts the way she does at times, and he has learned (over time) not to let it get to him...He's totally disengaged from BM, so the little stupid stuff she does, he's not affected. It sounds like your DH is affected by what she does, and he needs to get a handle on that, and put everything into perspective...
I think you're right. I
I think you're right. I think it's time for me to be honest about how his BM-related temper tantrums affect me and our son. It's not fair to crap on the family that's stuck by your side because this woman is making a mess in your relationship with your son.
Part of me wants to say..."if it keeps up this way, you'll have a compromised relationship with BOTH of your sons!"