Can child support be reduced if DH become a SAHD?
I have an interview tomorrow for a wonderful position. I'm really excited about the opportunity (and the pay). Anyway, it would pay enough that DH wouldn't have to work full time. We want one of us home with the kids and honestly, my career is something I would like to continue to work. Not that I haven't loved being home with the kiddos for the past 2 years. DH would still have to work, but maybe just a part time job at night to supplement a little bit of his lost income. He says he doesn't know if he could pull it off with child support or that all of that pay would go to BM. I already told him there is NO way that money is coming directly from me...not a chance! If he chooses to quit his job to care for his new children, would he have a case for lowering it? I know it would be his choice but ultimately its a necessary one bc we can't afford to pay childcare for 2 children anyway. Does anyone have experience with this? BM does't have a job at all so her income is already zero.
I have a little bit of
I have a little bit of experience with this. My DH became a SAHD when our first baby was born 5 years ago. SS was 14 at the time and lived with BM while DH had EOWe visitation. DH did not work part time and I took over the CS payments. For our family it was more cost effective for me to make the CS payments as opposed to DH working and his entire paycheck going to day care costs.
Several years and many changes later (Custody of SS for a year, DH and I had another baby, SS returned to BM's custody, poor economy and no jobs, etc.) there was no current CS order on the books. DH and I chose to give BM $100/month to help her out. BM wanted more money and DH refused, so she took him back to court just months before SS turned 18. The judge told DH that she would calculate new CS amount based on his income potential because he was voluntarily unemployed. DH got scared and agreed to double the amount we were paying. However, I think the judge would have ordered a similar amount.
This was in Illinois. From what I know, judges can calculate CS amounts based on an individual's potential to earn a specific amount. So if a person chooses to be un-employed or under-employed, the judge can still order CS amounts based on the last known salary of that person of the average salary of someone in a similar job in the same area.
You are smart to not pick up the CS payments. I ask myself often "what were you thinking?" while SMH.
Divorced dads can't be SAHD
Divorced dads can't be SAHD only divorced BMs...sigh...Believe me I used to battle with this because I made much more than DH for years, etc...DH's income wasn't enough to pay daycare per month for our son, but instead we had to pay daycare and pay crazy witch. In Texas at least, CSE idiots didn't care. I was not about to pay idiot witch any of MY income in CS.
Good luck.
Well, his child gets WAY more
Well, his child gets WAY more than our other 2 children financially yet has nothing to show for it bc BM uses it. We also still pay for preschool that she pulled him out of. He isn't quitting his job to solely reduce support. He is doing to for the greater good of his "second" family, not to cheat for out of her money.
So the kid will have TWO
So the kid will have TWO parents that don't work?
Lovely.
I have a very hard time with any parent quitting a job when they have a child to support.
He would be staying home to
He would be staying home to care for our 2 children and by doing so, making sure we stayed financially afloat, allowing me to further my career. BM not working has nothing to do with my life. SS life with BM is not his life here. AANNNNND have you ever told a SAHM that she did NOT have ajob? Why would it be different for my DH? His job wouldbe raising the children and caring for the house...whats the deal with the double standards around this website
He has kids to support and
He has kids to support and should do that.
So should she.
And I WAS a SAHM for more than a dozen years.
He would still be supporting
He would still be supporting his child BUT he is obligated to support his new family too.
You are reading it wrong. DH
You are reading it wrong. DH is quitting his job for my career, yes. He would also be quitting because childcare for 2 children in our town is $1,400.00 a month. It is more financially feasible for one of us to work full time and one part time. I want to work full time to further my career so DH has agreed to work parttime. He would take a part time job at night to pay his child support. I was simply asking if there would be a chance to lower the support if this is the decision we made. It would be alot easier for me to find full time and DH to find part time work. It would also give DH the chance to try and get more custody of SS since he will be home all day during the week. It would give DH the chance to spend alot more time with all the kids while STILL PAYING HIS SUPPORT TO BM. We were just hoping for a decrease bc we live negative paycheck to paycheck. We are paying for preschool through CS that BM doesn't even take SS to anymore. I'm not saying DH shouldn't pay for SS. Im saying his payments are above and beyond. I'm saying I'm CANT let my family drown by both of us working full time. I'm saying there have been times we couldn't buy food for our the kids in our house and BM was asking us to buy SS shoes. We aren't living the frickin high life over here. SOOO should my kids go without food and shelter so BM still gets her money? So SS gets his 2 vacations every summer with BM? I asked a simply question. We are just trying to find a way to survive the best we can as many ppl do and this site has completed twisted everything I have said.
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Wow...I don't feel the need
Wow...I don't feel the need to even respond personally to some of these messages. If you have no respect for me, please don't comment on my posts. It's one thing to share a thought and opinion and another to be down right mean. DH and I will do what is best for our family and if that means he doesn't work fulltime, then so be it. He is paying way to much to BM and if he wasn't working, would try to change custody so he is spending more time with all of his children. Sorry if us trying to find a way to survive financially in this world offends you.
If you have another child, or
If you have another child, or lose a job...whatever the situation may be, you look at your expenses, right? I took my DD out of dance, we haven't been on vacations, etc. We make the cut backs necessary to survive, NOT to live a lavish life, so YES if we have to file to lower CS that isnt even going to SS to be able to provide for the other 2 children as well, then so be it. Its really annoying that all I did was simply ask a question. CLEARLY DH is STILL GOING TO PAY HIS SUPPORT and I don't think its unrealistic to think about lowering support.
Was I disrespectful? I
Was I disrespectful? I apologize for any perceived slight. I just gave my opinion.
There's a double standard
There's a double standard definitely.
If CP BM CHOOSES to be unemployed/underemployed, then CS is increased and BM is not told to "get a job."
If NCP BM CHOOSES to be unemployed/underemployed, then the courts look the other way and don't tell her to "get a job" so as to pay CS to CP biodad.
If an CP Biodad chooses to be unemployed/underemployed, SM makes up the difference
If an NCP Biodad chooses to be unemployed/underemployed, income is definitely imputed on "earning potential" and biodad better get a job post haste!
So much for "equal rights" and "equality"
Auteur is so wise. I will
Auteur is so wise.
I will never understand WHY it is that BM's are not held responsible for contributing the same amt that the poor BD's who knocked them up are. For example in our case, DH is responsible per his order, for 375 and BM is responsible for 199 bc she makes less. So we have to make up for the fact that she CHOOSES to work a shitty waitressing job and sucks up welfare.
True that. I live in a VERY
True that. I live in a VERY conservative state (one of the original 13 and not much has changed in 200 years, trust me!). However, the last time I was in family court I heard a (female) judge tell a BM (who looked very young and was living with her parents) that she needed to get a job and go to school to increase her long term earning potential. She told the woman that she bore the responsibility of bringing the child into the world and needed to get herself to a position quickly to be fully capable of supporting the child. The judge imputed income to the mom that equated to 30 hours a week at minimum wage. I was pleasantly surprised.
That said, she ruled that the father would pay $400/mth CS even though he claimed doing so would leave him with $50/mth for food.
In the two states that I've
In the two states that I've deal with CS in, the courts will impute income based on earning capacity. Child support is calculated based on what that parent is capable of making regardless of the circumstances of why they don't presently have a job. Since your DH has a history of working I suspect they would calculate it based on his last position.
You'll have to check the statutes for the state you live in to see if that's the case where you reside.
Here is what I think. Even if
Here is what I think. Even if DH decides to continue to work, BM needs to get a job too. I know some states have a system where they factor in the CP's earning potential if they aren't working. Go to your Attorney General's website and check out your state's CS laws.
I agree with onmyway that there have been a lot of cases where a change of what the NCP has to pay in CS is denied because they quit their job. So I think before you make any final decision, talk with an attorney, talk with any lawyer friends/acquaintances you have in your state, and check out your state's CS laws.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Are you not seeing ALL of my
Are you not seeing ALL of my comments?! DH is STILL GOING TO PAY THE SUPPORT EVEN IF HE TAKES A DIFFERENT JOB! Does SS4 need over $700 a month to live in his crappy house with clothes and shoes that don't fit with no preschool education? No not really. Lowering the part of the support that pays for that kid to go to preschool would be hurting him how? It wouldnt. I would take away money from BMs pocket.
DH will continue to work part
DH will continue to work part time to pay his CS. I was simply asking if others had experience with getting a reduction. I didn't say he's quitting and NOT going to pay her, or he is quitting for the SOLE PURPOSE of reducing support. He is quitting when I become gainfully employed for the greater good of our family. I'm curious as to why so many ppl on here complain about BM's and the amount of child support not being used correctly, etc but are getting upset that my DH would give up his career for his children, to care for and raise them bc BM needs her money?
take it with a grain of salt.
take it with a grain of salt. Your post got hit with the "pro-BM group," with a drive by from the "doesn't make sense" club.
You need to look at it from this point of view- will DH's part time job pay the child support that he is responsible for now, without a reduction? Because chances are, he won't get it reduced. If so, great. if not, you are prepared for it.
Yes, a part time job would
Yes, a part time job would cover his support completely. I'm confused on why I was being attacked for asking if anyone had experience with this...If BM can have it raised when she quit her job, I thought DH might be able to have his lowered to help support his other children too. Oh well, I give up. This site isn't as peaceful as it used to be. I understand opinions but I don't understand all of the negativity.
I understand the point you
I understand the point you are trying to make. If a BM can have hre child support raised, by being voluntarily unemployed or underemployed, then why can't a father have his lowered by doing the same?
Answer-because he's a man. You don't need to look any further than some of the posters on this board to see that some people still have that archaic thinking-a man HAS to support his kids, a BM doesn't.
Double standards.
Thank you for understanding
Thank you for understanding
I though I was going crazy for a bit there lol...He would still be supporting the child. Right now he is 100% supporting him financially and he lives here 50% of the time so by no means that SS go without ANYTHING. DH has always and will always provide for him...but I don't believe that paying BM is helping SS too much. We still have to buy him clothes, shoes, etc. We are paying her for him to be in a preschool that he is no longer in.
I wish every person had to be
I wish every person had to be accountable for where CS money went. I would much rather write checks to a mortgage co. or utility co. than just hand BM cash. I know that sounds difficult to make a reality, but I would feel much better if I knew the money DH pays wasn't allowing BM to work odd jobs and collect welfare. Then situations like paying for a preschool that the kid doesn't even attend wouldn't happen. Back to reality...
HIS PART TIME JOB IS GOING TO
HIS PART TIME JOB IS GOING TO PAY THE SUPPORT. He is going to work part time to pay his support. He is getting a job at night to pay his support. Does that make sense now? I just thought I would throw it out there and ask if anyone got a reduction. I didn't say it was absolutely necessary. If my DH is ok with this decision, then I'm not sure why you aren't. I was just asking for opinions. DH agrees that being home with the children is important and that my career is important. I don't really understand. You make it sound like I'm making him give up all rights to his son and the poor boy will never see his father again.
If it helps, I don't get it
If it helps, I don't get it either. I don't know where it turned into you and your DH were throwing your SS out into the street, and payign no child support at all. :?
Where do YOU live where a BM
Where do YOU live where a BM has to prove where her child support went? I would like to live there.
and the rest of it doesn't make any sense, so I will not even attempt a response.
What do you think is crappy?
What do you think is crappy? That he is still going to pay his child support? That he is going to work part time to pay his child support? That he is going to ask for a reduction, just like a BM would ask for an increase?
What the heck do you think is crappy?????? :?
I wasn't asking if you
I wasn't asking if you thought it was crappy. I was asking if it could be done. That was it. A simple yes, it can or no, it can't would be worked just perfectly. If DH is home during the day, works a part time job in the evening and sleeps at night when we all do, then it's really not taking away time from his family. It's giving him WAY more time with his bios and he would still be supporting his family. I didn't ask if you thought the idea was good nor bad. IMO, isn't it more important to spend time with your children than to just pay BM to do it? Either way, it's not like he is quitting his job for the sole purpose of reducing support. He is doing it so our family can live productively. It's not feasible for both of us to work full time.
That he is going to ask for a
That he is going to ask for a reduction, just like a BM would ask for an increase?
Why is it such a double standard that women can ask for more?
because obviously some people
because obviously some people think that men shouldnt ask for less.
So I guess some people don't
So I guess some people don't agree with me even asking a question here. I think BM's get everything and BD get the crap end of the stick. He is paying way too much as is so I don't see why we shouldn't file for a reduction. How many other SM's complain on here about CS? UM MOST OF THEM! We all hate it. Not one of us ever said "I'm so glad DH's pay goes directly to this lovely women bc she deserves it". We all think our DH's are paying too much. DH won't be giving up rights or making SS sleep on the streets at night. As of right now, SS has goes on more trips, vacations and gets more gifts, etc then my children. He is not by any means deprived. We provide him with everything he needs to live as we do the other kids. But as life changes, circumstances change. He is obligated to pay something for SS, but does that mean the siblings of SS should live a rotten life and we continue to pay BM a crap load (even though we will if we have to). Oh well, for the ladies who don't think I'm the worst person ever for wanting to lower support, wish me luck on my interview tomorrow and thank you for your support
Good luck on your interview!!
Good luck on your interview!! I think that some people see posts that strike a nerve for whatever reason. Just remember, everybody has an opinion and it's just that...opinion. You do what is best for your family. It sounds like you and DH have really thought this out.
Thank you I agree. I see
Thank you
I agree. I see posts sometimes that make me wonder what the heck they are thinking...but I then just choose not to comment. If I don't feel like I can add something, then I don't. It's not that I want people to agree with my train of thought. Everyone views these situations differently. I've learned a lot on this site and a lot of comments, when not so mean, have actually made me think and change the ways I handle a lot with DH and the kiddos.
Dads (or moms) should be able
Dads (or moms) should be able to ask for a decrease if they lose their job or have to take a cut in pay. However, if a NCP decides to stop working or decrease his/her work hours, the CS shouldn't be decreased.
CP who refuses to work should not be able request an increase in CS. I also think they should not be able to double dip. (Get both CS and welfare, food stamps, WIC.) The only govt help I feel they should be able to get are child care (so that they can go to work) and medical for the kids.
I also think intact families who make the decision to have one parent stay home, should not be able to get food stamps, WIC, Section 8... Chances are if they qualify for any of those, they also qualify for assistance with child care. In which case they can put the kids in day care for free or pay a small copay and get a job. (here it's $15 a week per family for kids 6weeks)
No able bodied parent should be able to make the decision not to work then run to the govt to help take care of their family.
I see your point. But to keep
I see your point. But to keep surviving, I have to work. I have the earning potential. We have made it this far bc I am on unemployment. I got fired from my last job 3 days before DS was born bc they said I "had too many kids". We can't live on one income and my income will be greater than DH's so it will be more beneficial for everyone involved. If we both work full time, we won't be able to make all of our bills after we pay for childcare. We need to work split shifts. I don't think it's fair that our family should suffer immensely due to DH has a son. The CS can be reduced if it places such a huge burden on DH, which it does. It's not that we merely don't want to pay it or that it is an annoyance. There literally have been times we couldn't afford anything as BM is on yet another vacation. We don't ask for help from the government nor do we not want to provide for SS. I think SS deserves the best of everything in life just as my own bios do but as we all know, the real world doesn't always allow us to provide that kind of life. We don't qualify for any assistance, we don't get tax rights to SS, we do provide his food, clothes and shelter 50% of the time. DH never misses his scheduled visitation and takes SS whenever BM requests on days that aren't his. BM doesn't spend nearly the child support amount on even necessities for SS. He's 4 1/2 and comes here in clothes that are sized for our DS1. His shoes are 2 sizes too big, she does't take care of his personal hygiene. We provide shoes, clothes and healthy foods for him when he is here.
Disney, I wish you could call
Disney, I wish you could call our BM and tell her this.
Confused - While I'm a big
Confused -
While I'm a big proponent of CS and get really mad when people don't pay (my own experience has colored my perception a bit), I DO understand what you're saying.
If your DH has a job that completely covers CS, and still has time to spend with the kids thereby reducing the amount of $$ outgoing to daycare then go for it. It's still a win even if he can't get a reduction.
As far as getting a reduction so that he can be a better parent? I'm all for it. I know plenty of BM's who have argued that way and won. I am definitely someone who believes that whats good for the man/woman is good for the man/woman.
You should check to see what cases have been used or have been reduced. I honestly do not think it would fall under Voluntary Impoverishment because he would still be meeting his CS order each month. I'm not a lawyer - I've just gone through this stuff myself.
If it makes you feel any better, my exturd was a SAHD for half of the fall, all of the winter, and part of the spring every year. I worked adn made the money even after we split up.
And currently - if I made more or had more potential to make more for our family unit - my SO could stay home if he wanted to. As we are equals. As we are a unit. And we should do what's best for our family as a whole...so I'm with ya on this.
I've sent you a pm -
JRTerrierMom
Hi confusedsm03, from what I
Hi confusedsm03, from what I know you have NO CHANCE for lowering child support. Voluntarily becoming a SAHD is not a reason the courts will justify. If he was laid off, became disabled, or other involuntary reason then yes, they MAY approve it to be lowered.
From what I understand of BMs not working, I think they will only allow a BM to be a SAHM if she has children under the age of 5 (under kindergarten age) and then they will assess minimum wage to her calculation at the least.
The courts will probably say that DH is underemployed. They especially don't like when the childrens status lowers so that they now qualify for State assistance. I have to agree with that one. Parents should do what they need so that they are making every effort so that they rest of us don't have to pay for their responsibilities. I'm not saying that is your case, I just mentioned that because I know a few people who do this purposefully and it bugs me.
Anyway, even with child support calculations, in my state, it's the 1st child who get the full calculation. Subsequent children have to take into consideration CS obligations already in place. For example. Child #1 may have a calculator that reflects both parents incomes, who pays health care, child care, etc. Say the amount results in Dad paying Mom $400 in CS. Now Dad has Child #2 from another relationship. They will take into consideration both parents incomes, who pays health care, child care, etc, but they will also take into consideration that Dad is already paying $400 in CS to Child #1. Everything else being equal, Dad will pay Mom #2 only $300.
It's the subsequent children that seem to get the shaft, and that includes 2nd Families. From what I understand, the justification is that everyone already knew what the obligations were BEFORE getting involved (and having other children) and they want to discourage people from lowering their obligations. Plainly this means to me, you will not take from Child#1 to give to Child#2, ever.
Hope that helps. How old are you skids? CS can't last forever!
SS is only 4! Ahhhh! lol
SS is only 4! Ahhhh! lol many, many years to go! I always hear the "you knew what you were getting yourself into" thing BUT DH and I both say..Why should he not have more children when she left him? Because she decided to leave with his son that means he can never create a family, raise additional children with his new spouse as a full time parent? He has to deprive himself of EVERYTHING out of life bc she wanted to f*** someone else? It's just really not a logical statement. DH just got his notice that it has been 3 years and he can have his case reviewed. So I'm encouraging him to do that as we are paying for preschool that he doesn't go to any longer so maybe we can get a reduction there. We would still be able to make the child support payments but they are excessive and really break the bank for us...It would be one thing if we thought SS had anything to show for all the money. But his shoes don't fit, clothes are 2 sizes too small or 2 sizes to big, she doesn't cut his hair, I dont think she even bathes him on a regular basis. Our money is going to support her bc her hair is done, her nails are done, she has new clothes...yet she is unemployed. So there is NO WHERE else that money is coming from except child support.