It is not too much. If they choose not to help out it is their own doing. It is not your job to clean after them. They are almost adults and could stand some responsibility. Growing up I had to do a whole list of things to help out and keep the house nice. Stand up for yourself you cant be a door mat it will only make you unhappy.

I understand wher you are coming from. I am going through the same stuff with my Fiances children. The expect me to pick up after them. I think I am going to try what some of the advice on here that has been offered. Hopefully it will help. Thanks

This is the Main reason I am about to move out. I've lived with my SO for almost 4 years. His 23 year old dtr moved in a year ago - even though we had to kick her out 2 years prior to that because of her uncleanliness. To make a long story as short as I can, she needs to be on the show Hoarders- Buried Alive!! In 2008, my SO kicked her out of the condo we were renting because of constant fighting about dirty dishes and pots and pans. (the final straw was when this pot head decided to call the cops on my kids after my dtrs grad party).
The mess she used to leave in the kitchen wasn't a few cups and dishes. I swear that her and her bf would use EVERY available cup/dish and pots/pan until nothing remained inside the cupboards- and no room left on the counter or in the sink. When I first moved in I was appalled. This went on for months and months and constant arguing about it. It was only the tip of the iceberg. When she moved out- and we unlocked her room- I was in utter disbelief. On the outside, the girl is very pretty, clean, almost Prissy. You would not believe the way she lives in her room.

When he said she was moving back in with us, I KNEW it was going to be a disaster. I am currently contemplating leaving the Love of My life because of this spoiled rotten brat!! It was meant to be temporary. It's been a year and half and she has settled in permanently. She has not changed one bit. She will use 20 towels (no kidding here) and throw them in the hallway closet every few weeks. Just piles them in there waiting for me to wash them. I have tried to prove a point by Letting them sit there for Weeks and weeks. I wash whatever towels I use and I've bought my daughter her own set- which she washes with her laundry. So we know who is throwing the huge pile in the closet. I have failed to prove my point because she continues to do it over and over again. Daddy comes home from working out of town and will just "do them" to keep the peace.

She is still a hoarder- and because she is stoned 90% of the time, her room looks like a toranado went thru it. She still has garbage everywhere- on the floor, on the dressers, on her bed. Her bed don't have sheets half the time. She leaves 10 or more cups in her room for 2 weeks at a time. She leaves partially eaten food on plates and bowels for weeks. She "cleans" her room once a month. Then she brings garbage downstairs and sits it next to the kitchen and just leaves it there. She must think that it gets into the trash can by magic!! Just like the Magical Towel fairy comes along too!! We have a DISHWASHER fairy too. I have purposely cleaned all the dishes- empty sink and I will wake up to a sink full of nasty crusty, molded cups and plates. And I have PURPOSELY NOT washed them. I will empty out the other side and tell my daughter to rinse whatever she uses and put it in the dishwasher.

I do not understand why this has to be such a difficult issue. But is is one that I have finally had enough of. This sd23 is a snotty little brat with no plans for the future. The final straw this time came after an ongoing problem with her writing nastygrams all over the house- aimed at me and my 18 year old dtr. She is so childish and immature that she resorts to childish notes. I have finally had enough.

I am ready to blow my mind it is so stressful living with her. I am ready to move out- and take my Lover with me. Let her pay the mortgage, the utilities, the satellite tv, the internet- since she's using it for free now.

Feeling Your Frustration!!
BBGF

I just wanted to say that I have done exactly what you're doing over and over again. I tried proving a point by NOT cleaning her mess. I've tried Just cleaning it- but I got very resentful. I feel that she is taking advantage of me and her father. She doesn't contribute Anything to the house. She hasn't paid rent the entire time she's been here. He's tried to extract a few bucks here and there -but he's never consistent.

I wish I could offer some advice about what to do- but I feel I am in the same boat- and we're taking on water. To some people these sound like stupid petty issues- but when you are trying to live in a quiet and clean environment- it's nearly impossible with Skids like these.

I have found that I feel better when I do what I need to do and leave the rest go. If its HER mess- her pots and pans- I let them sit there. I get Po'd when her dad comes home and just cleans it up. I feel that we are just keeping her where she is. I told him that we are enabling to stay in a child like state of mind. She is 23- not 13. I feel that her emotional and psychological growth has been stunted- she is stuck in a teenage stage of development. She has not progressed to mature, adult like thinking and behaviors. We shouldn't have to argue about these types of things. It has become a bitter battle HER against me and my daughter. I took corrective action- and my daughter now cleans the house once a week- including THEIR shared bathroom- vacuuming etc. I couldn't complain about HIS daughter when my daughter was doing the same things- so I had enforce the same rules I expected of SD23.

Do what you need to do- to keep your sanity. We keep trying to separate these issues but they are quickly seeping into our relationship and poisoning a perfectly good thing!

I had this very same problem with my SS12....i have left my DH twice over this spoiled brat until finally DH learned the difference between being his "friend" & being his "FATHER"!!!!!

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