Hi all,

So DH and I had a talk and agreed to disagree on some things, but we did decide to agree on some basic 'rules' with regards to the his, mine and our kids scenario.

Since ou BS in still very young, he goes to bed at around 6pm, so when we get home from work there is only a bit of time for a little cuddle and then we tuck him in.

With the other 3 - there has always been an issue as SD and SS wants all DH's attention and still want stories read etc etc. I always feel ignored and neglected and always have to take my BD to her room or the playroom as she is quite talkative and then they complain cos they cannot hear the television that is still on Cartoon Network - which DH is watching with them as they 'love' the specific show.

SD sits on DH's lap and SS sits next to DH...I have to squeeze in and then, naturally BD also wants a spot to sit, but the couch is suddenly too crowded and THEN only do the kids - all of them - get told to sit on the other couches.

We addressed the matter of story time, as DH currently reads stories for SD and DD and I read stories for BD. Since BD and SD are quite close in age, I suggested that we read stories to them together and to SS on his own. I will read to the girls one night and he can read the next and so on. He immediately said that that wouldn't work...after probing him a little bit on his reasoning it finally came out that he feels that he needs to spend more alone time with the skids and that story time is a special time. I nearly freaked out, cos all his does is spend QT with them! Anyhoo, I stressed that I think it is also important for him to spend time with my BD as it isn't fair that affection is being showed unequally. Slowly but surely, at SS insistence (cos he needs daddy to help with homework, and needs time with daddy, and blah blah blah)story time has gone from 30 mins, to almost 90mins.

So, what we have agreed. Mon - Fri, the time from after dinner until 8pm - will be time we spend with our BD's to give them our undevided attention. From 8pm it is OUR time. Weekends when all the kids are home, there will be NO 'alone time' with any on the kids - we are supposed to be a family and that's how it will be on weekends and holidays. DH immediatly said during exam time they might have to infringe on OUR time - I cut him short very quickly. It is SS's exams, he 'needs' daddy in order to study. So he will need to compromise - stories or studies. His choice. But at 19h59 - it's done! DH reluctantly agreed.

Weekends that we only have our BS at home, we'll give us some real quality time with him and also for ourselves.

We WILL have date night every second week. I don't care if SD screams like a banshee when we leave. Not my kid - not my problem! (Best mantra EVER! Thanks guys!) He needs to make the arrangements and that's just how it's going to be.

I have decided for myself, for the sake of self preservation that I will slowly start disengaging from the skids. I am not their monther, I am not their slave, but I am their daddy's wife and they WILL respect that. I will no longer bother to get them to brush teeth, brush hair, put clean clothes on, eat dinner, go to bed on time etc. If they have school projects - daddy will have to pick up art supplies and sit for hours doing the projects while they stare at the TV. If their school shoes are too small....yaaaawn....tell daddy to buy new ones. I will not be ugly to them, I will be civil and treat them like I would any other persons children. And I will no longer moan at my family / BD and BS's grandmother, to make sure that she buys gifts that are 100% equal for all of them. That both girls go to visit when it is holiday time, that they must please make sure to come to the skids' school pleays etc. because I didn't want them to feel that my family treats my BKs differently. No more. If the skids want all the nice things that come from me being the SM - they must take the rest as well, as seeing that they aren't willing to do that - they must accept the facts.

I am feeling better already by just not feeling that I have to spend time with DH before the kids; bedtime and make sure that BD is not too irritating and to make sure that skids school things are in order and when they are sick that they get meds. I can spend that hour with my BD and give her my undevided attention, doing something special etc.

I know that it will just be a matter of time before DH will raise the issue that the skids feel I am being unfair and treating my BD and BS differently. Well, that will be the day that he will finally see what I was constantly bitching about.

I will keep you guys posted I am actually smiling about going home for the first time in like, forever!!

Be strong!
xx