If your DH is engaging her and listening to these stories, the issue is with him. Not SD.

I think that we share a similar story. Only the BM in my story is currently getting divorced from husband No.5 because he is supposedly an a-hole. Husband No.1 was a means to get out of parents house at 18, but didn't treat her good enough. Husband No.2 (my husband) expected her to stop cheating and stealing his credit cards. Husband No.3 was a drunk. Husband No.4 beat her and expected her to raise his two daughters. Husband No.5 does not support BM & SD16's lying manipulating ways.

There is a lot of information being shared by both SD & BM to my husband these days - mostly pity pot about how everyone has done her wrong and he was the only one she could ever talk to. How she ruined the best thing, blah, blah, blah... SD is milking it because she could never come between husband and I in the 6 years she lived with us, but in only 10 months she helped ruin her mom's marriage - now they both need a shoulder to lean on! UGH!!!

Every so often my husband starts to feel pulled in to the crap, but most of the time he is on it and either cuts it off or puts them in their place. With the recent divorce and move into a new home there has been a lot of talk of needing to buy new things or of fighting over them with the soon to be ex-husband. My husband kindly asks 'what did your mom/you do with the one you took from my house (or No.3's house, or No.4's house, etc.)?' The response is usually silence.

When SD was pissed because No.5 said he was changing the locks as soon as they moved out, that he didn't trust BM nor her, and expected my husband to feel sorry for them - his reponse was, 'I don't blame him, he must have a reason for feeling that way.'

I guess the bottom line for me is that I love my husband and trust him - he would never allow anything they said to ever come between us. For the most part he sees clearly what they are doing and finds a sick pleasure in making snarky comments to them both. I don't think they enjoy it as much as he does, but I always get a good laugh when he tells me! = )

My daughters still tell me things about their BD and we have been divorced for 24+ years. I think they are still needing the support to work thru some of their own thoughts. I don't engage them but I do say, "that's your dad," or "that's too bad." I think we do need to be a source of strength without getting into the lives of our exes with our children. My kids know I have no interest in my ex and so when they come to me I know they come to me wanting support or to clear their own heads. My ex is a real (better not type the words I'm thinking) and has had so many affairs and girlfriends, busted up 2 marriages because of his ways, leaving 4 children from those marraiges in the dust to eat his destruction. My oldest has so wanted the connection to her manipulative, lying, very unavailable father and so paints this adoring picture of a man tht has realy done all his kids and wives/girlsfriends wrong. She knows the only way to be a part of his life is to accept his dysfunction.....he left before and he will leave again, she just wants his love and acceptance.....it is a tough tough place for even adult children to be.

Currently ex has another real nice gf, and I have no doubt she is very sweet....the only women who fall in love with Narcissists are those who are capable of obsorbing dysfunction. She is not to fault, she has unknowingly walked into a very bad sitaution and right now it probably does seem perfect as he is feeding her heads with lies to get all the manipulation in place. So to the kids who like the new lady friend my heart feels for them as I know they have hopes that their dad has finally found the person that is going to be the "one" that is gouing to make him happy and his life is going to finally come together. Being the ex on the other side know this is more than likely not going to happen and the kids will be crushed when their father does his tricks all over again. And who are they going to run to? Me. I will again give them the support. I will be the pillar of strength without getting involved or telling them what to do. I will repeat my, "that's the way he is." and it will happen all over agin until one day they finally realize he is never going to change.

So maybe you can see things from a different angel by hearing what I have dealt with.

My daughters still tell me things about their BD and we have been divorced for 24+ years. I think they are still needing the support to work thru some of their own thoughts. I don't engage them but I do say, "that's your dad," or "that's too bad." I think we do need to be a source of strength without getting into the lives of our exes with our children. My kids know I have no interest in my ex and so when they come to me I know they come to me wanting support or to clear their own heads. My ex is a real (better not type the words I'm thinking) and has had so many affairs and girlfriends, busted up 2 marriages because of his ways, leaving 4 children from those marraiges in the dust to eat his destruction. My oldest has so wanted the connection to her manipulative, lying, very unavailable father and so paints this adoring picture of a man tht has realy done all his kids and wives/girlsfriends wrong. She knows the only way to be a part of his life is to accept his dysfunction.....he left before and he will leave again, she just wants his love and acceptance.....it is a tough tough place for even adult children to be.

Currently ex has another real nice gf, and I have no doubt she is very sweet....the only women who fall in love with Narcissists are those who are capable of obsorbing dysfunction. She is not to fault, she has unknowingly walked into a very bad sitaution and right now it probably does seem perfect as he is feeding her heads with lies to get all the manipulation in place. So to the kids who like the new lady friend my heart feels for them as I know they have hopes that their dad has finally found the person that is going to be the "one" that is gouing to make him happy and his life is going to finally come together. Being the ex on the other side know this is more than likely not going to happen and the kids will be crushed when their father does his tricks all over again. And who are they going to run to? Me. I will again give them the support. I will be the pillar of strength without getting involved or telling them what to do. I will repeat my, "that's the way he is." and it will happen all over agin until one day they finally realize he is never going to change.

So maybe you can see things from a different angel by hearing what I have dealt with.

My daughters still tell me things about their BD and we have been divorced for 24+ years. I think they are still needing the support to work thru some of their own thoughts. I don't engage them but I do say, "that's your dad," or "that's too bad." I think we do need to be a source of strength without getting into the lives of our exes with our children. My kids know I have no interest in my ex and so when they come to me I know they come to me wanting support or to clear their own heads. My ex is a real (better not type the words I'm thinking) and has had so many affairs and girlfriends, busted up 2 marriages because of his ways, leaving 4 children from those marraiges in the dust to eat his destruction. My oldest has so wanted the connection to her manipulative, lying, very unavailable father and so paints this adoring picture of a man tht has realy done all his kids and wives/girlsfriends wrong. She knows the only way to be a part of his life is to accept his dysfunction.....he left before and he will leave again, she just wants his love and acceptance.....it is a tough tough place for even adult children to be.

Currently ex has another real nice gf, and I have no doubt she is very sweet....the only women who fall in love with Narcissists are those who are capable of obsorbing dysfunction. She is not to fault, she has unknowingly walked into a very bad sitaution and right now it probably does seem perfect as he is feeding her heads with lies to get all the manipulation in place. So to the kids who like the new lady friend my heart feels for them as I know they have hopes that their dad has finally found the person that is going to be the "one" that is gouing to make him happy and his life is going to finally come together. Being the ex on the other side know this is more than likely not going to happen and the kids will be crushed when their father does his tricks all over again. And who are they going to run to? Me. I will again give them the support. I will be the pillar of strength without getting involved or telling them what to do. I will repeat my, "that's the way he is." and it will happen all over agin until one day they finally realize he is never going to change.

So maybe you can see things from a different angel by hearing what I have dealt with.

Sorry for 3 same posts, my computer was acting like it was froze!

My parents divorced about two years ago. I still go to my mom to vent about my dad -- he had a stroke and his reasoning isn't exactly intact, so he'll fall for scams and women on the internet who ask for money and never show up on the plane they supposedly booked, and one time he gave me a rose that had been sitting in the fridge for three days because his online love of the week didn't show. :/ Anyway, point being, my mother is the only one I trust with that info, you know? I know she's not going to spread it around or think any worse of my dad, and I know she's going to give me a hug instead of trying to insult him. I talk to her about it because I can't bottle it in or I'll lose my marbles. If she gets involved with some dude, then part of the package is the fact that I can and do tell my mother every little thing going on with my life -- and even though my dad isn't her family anymore, he's still part of mine. And I reserve the right to complain to my one and only awesome mother about my relatives being asshats, whether they happen to be part of her family or not. Similarly, I complained to my dad when my mother first went off her dealing-with-menopause pills and started revising history and telling me she never wanted kids. My friends said she was stupid and forget her. My dad said she didn't mean it. I liked my dad's response better. It certainly preserved my relationship with my mother.

My brother's solution to our parents was installing a punching bag in the basement. I think his is easier, but it doesn't really help my emotional state.