12 year old toddler...how long do I have to wait?
When I met skid, a boy by the way, he was 9, and my first opinion of him was that he was very emotionally immature. All I ever heard when he was around was "dad, dad, dad." The child could do nothing for himself. I was honestly suprised that he could take a crap without help from daddy. He carried around a disgusting stuffed animal and had to be tucked into bed every night for at least half an hour while I patiently waited for my adult time. He would not get dressed without asking daddy which underwear he should wear. He couldn't pour a glass of milk. He had no chores..I thought, he is only 9, at the cusp of adolescence. I love my bf and I will wait it out. Weeeeeellllllll, guess what....now he is 12, in junior high school, and he is exactly the same. Now of course, it is all the more absurd. He weighs over 100 pounds and insists on sitting in daddy's lap constantly. He is always hugging my BF, more like hanging off his body than hugging him. He STILL carries a stuffed animal all over the house with him without seeming the least big embarrassed. He STILL has to have daddy tuck him into bed each night, which involves begging for a body massage and usually takes half an hour plus. Now that he is older and daddy can't say no, the kid is up until after 11, so forget about adult time now. I guess I should give him credit by adding that he has, in the past 3 years, mastered the art of pouring a glass of milk, but still has to discuss which underwear to pick before getting dressed. If skid doesn't get what he wants, he whines like a baby, making him seem even more immature. It sucks. I wait and wait and wait for this child to show some signs of maturing, whether its a glance at a girl or a little teenage type rebellion or the slightest hint of desire for privacy or space or independence. Nothing. I put his emotional age at about 7 at best. He is not retarded, does very well in school and is not at all small for his age. I don't get what his problem is. I figured this would get easier as he matured...but he is NOT maturing. Anyone else have this problem?
Sounds like my SS20. He was
Sounds like my SS20. He was babied by my DW for years, and moved in with his perfect bio-daddy when he was about 15. Bio-daddy still lived with his mommy, the grandmother of SS20. She babied him as well. Guess what? SS is a 20-year old with absolutely no life skills. No driver's license. No job. Doesn't go to school. Weighs almost 300 pounds. No hygiene skills (still hasn't mastered the elusive art of actually **using** the soap while in the shower). His best bet is to get on disability for his weight.
Unless your DH gets his head straight, you'll probably be looking at the same situation.
agh, paul-in-utah, exactly
agh, paul-in-utah, exactly what I fear and you describe it perfectly. I see skid12 just like your skid20 in 8 more years....and the only reason I ever agreed to this blended crap is that I envisioned sweet freedom when he hit the door for college. Now, yes, precisely, I see a 300 pound couch potato who still has to have daddy tie his shoes (yes, I am serious, daddy still ties his shoes!) Given that I am always Satan incarnate when I suggest that perhaps the boy needs a little push toward indepence and chores and responsibility, I don't know what I can do. The golden boy is always perfect and I am always the evil bitch who hates skid. My motivation in BF's eyes is always selfish and therefore I can never be right or have a valid point to make. I can't exactly wait and say "told you so" in 6 years because it is my life that wull be ruined too. Allmitchell, my BF is typical for this site. He thinks that poor innocent skid is the product of a "broken family," and is therefore fragile and entitled. BF and BM were split before the kid could even walk, so its not like he misses a family he never had. Even if he did, it wouldn't be an excuse to remain 7 years old forever, a fat lazy whiny Peter Pan.
Thankfully my SS20 is still
Thankfully my SS20 is still living with grandma. No way would an adult skid be living with us unless he was in college, and maybe not even then. My biggest fear is that SD17 will get pregnant, and try to stay with us forever while my DW raises the baby. Thinking about that one keeps me up at nights.
I fear the same
I fear the same paulinutah...my SD will probably have 2 kids by the time she is 17...the way I see her physically react to her father is indicative to me that she will be an early beginner
That's my fear for SD17. I
That's my fear for SD17. I could easily see her getting pregnant this year. Barf. Barf.
Sounds like some other things
Sounds like some other things at play here. As armchair psychologist it seems he has a need to revert to child-like behavior and your SO enables it...out of guilt? If he manage well in school he may be choosing this behavior and until reasons are understood it probably won't change.