You should be asking, does anyone else have days that are NOT like this? I think we all must have done something very bad in a previous life to be saddled with stepmotherhood. I was complaining to my ex on the phone the other night and saying that if there was ever any danger of either of my two SDs coming to live with us full time, then I would be packing my bags. He said, well you can come back here if you have nowhere to go. Things must have been bad lately because I was actually grateful for the offer, and would consider it if the situation arose.
Lash yourself to the mast, newsm, and hope for better days to come.

The key to this is if your DH is supportive or not. If he sides with his spawn and the BM, then you're toast.

I've had days like that too. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the drama of it all that we don't take the time to appreciate ourselves, our biological children, and our marriage. I have learned over the years that the BM I deal with loves it when she can get my family at each other's throats. So now, I try my best to not give her (and SS) the power to do that! At one point, I just ignored them both. I know that sounds terrible, but as soon as they realized that they were not as powerful as they thought they were, the drama went away (not completely, but enough). I know it's so hard! I have been ready to throw in the towel so many times over the years too. If you truly love your DH, and he stands up for you (that's huge), you can get through this. It can be so exhausting! I found myself thinking about BM and SS all the time! It's hard not to when they are constantly causing problems, right? Try this: Every time you find yourself letting them rent space in your mind, turn it off! Find something else to think about. I used my biological daughter to think about. Instead of thinking all those negative feeling about BM, I think positive thoughts about my child. I don't know the details of your situation right now, but maybe I can help... It's nice just to vent sometimes. Sounds like you're going thru a lot.

It's okay to take on your partner's baggage every now and then. But when they come with kids you end up taking on a whole family's baggage, and before you know it you feel like you're at the bottom of the barrel - and its because you are. When it comes to the hierarchy of stepfamilies, to your partner and their children you are just a bystander - even though we know thats a load of BS.

When I start wanting out and daydream about another life or something, I know its a sign that my life outside of step kids and husband is crumbling. If your entire world is being brought down by stressors you can't control it's easy to get into a sadness impossible to climb out of.

Your self esteem gets a battering because kids don't mean to be, but they're selfish little buggers (all of them) and the behavior of the ones we don't have an unconditional attachment too take no prisoners, not to mention the negativity flying about that isn't yours - the custody battles, the arguments, the constant dramas... You have to remember you can't take responsibility (and thus, the stress) for problems you can't solve and to which you did not contribute.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that there is a hell of a lot more to me than just stepmum. Stepmum is a small, important, but small, part of who I am and I need to prioritize accordingly.

Delilah

Purplecrocus, Just had a godfather inspired moment - you should put the bloody meat into their beds and wake them up with loud, italian opera...

All the time! PS - one of the things I did quickly was NOT call myself "stepmother"...I am my DH's wife...that has helped me greatly, although the nightmare does continue...but at least I do not feel bad about the nightmare in the sense that they make me feel guilty...

A huge hug...I get like that ALL THE TIME!!! sigh

Every day!!!! Why does this have to be soooooo hard?????

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Never forget to put yourself first! Your feelings and time are just as important as everybody else's! Also, start focusing on things you can actually control instead of working yourself up all the time over things you have no control over.

I have a 21 yr old SD living at home with us along with her 2 yr old son. For the past year, I have felt like my wife and I are just built-in babysitters so she can leave the house whenever the mood strikes her. I have complained my wife numerous times that I am tired of our marriage taking a backseat to my SD's needs and wants. My SD goes out almost EVERY weekend while we end up watching the kid. I still don't understand how a single mother with a 2 year old gets to go out more than we do and I have been complaining the last 6 months or so. My wife will say she understands...but she still allows the behavior to continue. We get NO alone time because of them living with us, while the SD gets to go out and have all kinds of fine. Finally this week I realized that I just need to focus on what I can control. I can control my schoolwork, working out, etc. I've also decided that as long as my wife wants to keep watching the 2 yr old all the time, I will no longer be helping. Unless my SD has a dr's appt or something serious comes up, my answer will always be no when it comes to watching her kid.

Disengaging my seem a little selfish at first, but it's really not and your peace of mind is what you need at this point. Learn to make sure that YOU are okay before you go taking care of everybody else!

Ultimately I think everyone on here has "bad days" and feels this way, but truly giving up and walking away from the situation - aka disengaging - (not necessarily walking away from your family or marriage!) is one of the best decisions I think SM's can make, if possible. It sucks, sometimes, to not be able to voice my opinion but that's what I give up for the freedom of not having to deal with the drama - that's a fair trade in my book!!!!

Been there. Being a partially custodial SP, I have these feelings pretty much every day in some form. Then, I remember I DID know he had kids before we married... No one told me how tough it would be to be a SP, but I DID know that there were kids. Now, I spend quite a lot of my energy educating young people in love about how hard it will be. I'm not trying to scare them away, but I think they should know at least how much different it is than bio kids. Kids are hard in and of themselves, but skids are harder for multiple reasons. I'm reading "Stepmothering" right now and everything she is saying is true. I definitely recommend reading it or "Stepmonster". Both are validating and helpful if you are a custodial SP. Stepmothering probably isn't the best if you're a non-custodial, but it might still validate a few of your feelings.

I was married in 2011 to a guy who has two daughters from his previous marriage.It was so well when it was just the the two of us and then after several months his youngest moved in with us and I felt like a maid to her.Then last year the oldest moved in and things even got worse for she is very disrespectful to me and was never cooperative around the house.In short both were undisciplined children, a great headache for me.I have a child with their father now and our child had a rough start and was confined in the hospital for a month.During that period the eldest never visited her neither asked me how she's doing.That really made me upset and I soon started to hate her "I don't care attitude".Soon I dared my husband that I will leave with my daughter if that eldest will not moved out of the house and go back to her mother.So after all the drama she moved out.Now I am dealing with the attitude of the youngest who always like that her dad will give attention to her and she has this habit of ordering people around the house as if they were housemaid.And I tried to be nice to her I cook her favorite food, clean and fix her room but during the time I get angry to her because of not following what I want her to do when she went to the house of her mother,she magnifies everything.In short after all the good things I did for her,well of course I am only human I can really get angry at times most especially if there is a lack of discipline,I turned out to be the bad or evil step mother.Every now and then I hear issues after issues from his kids and ex on how I deal with children.I grew tired of it.I said to myself if they don't like the way I discipline, since I am really a disciplinarian and strict,why don't she take all her kids from our house.Actually I am tired of everything I just want to be myself. Being a stepmom is like you have to give your stepkids the love support a biological mom should be giving in return when it comes to disciplining you can't do anything,you are merely an observer even if you are already irritated to your stepkids attitude.Then all you can do is to complain to your husband and regret things you had decided in your life, that I should't have been stubborn and should considered my mothers advice that going in to a relationship with a man with children is a hard life...

having the same feeling now like a made.i have no say in the house am like a made. I can't even get to enjoy my living room.as they always on Tv 24 hours. really tired on feeling this way.

I feel sorry for you then I think wow that's me. I sacrifice a lot for the skids while the moms get to take fancy vacations etc. Ugh

My DH knew his daughter had issues. He kept us apart while we dated because he was fearful I would back off if I had known then what I knew now. Its true. I would have ignored his calls and texts had I known what a mess his BM and BM's mom created. The child was the product of a teenage dare. My DH decided after three
years that he had to part ways with the BM and years later he had to rescue the kid from state care because the BM was a loose woman and her husband beat her for it. My DH had to battle the BM's family because they are stupidly ghetto and delusional to the fact that the BM was unfit. The state took all the kids away from the BM after she had been placed under arrest by the military police. I didn't find this out until we were already a year into our relationship. His kid is 15 and definitely reflects the lack of upbringing. His daughter is a liar, a manipulator, ungrateful and severely selfish. My DH is ridiculous when it comes to her, to the point sometimes I pack a bag and go stay with a relative to get a break. This kid has no respect and isn't very bright either. I attempted to show her sincerity and compassion. The ingrate tried to play me for a fool. I've told her father that if she doesn't respect him, she won't respect anyone and that I have to take several steps back from her. I have a medical condition and putting focus on her worsens my condition. If he doesn't parent affectively then he cannot expect me to save the day. So I've decided to ignore her unless she offends me directly. I've told her that if she cannot respect my home then she would have to leave. I love my DH but his ass can go right along with her if he has a problem with my choices. I'm not her mother and I don't love her the way he does because I didn't get the chance to know her before we were thrown together. Truthfully I'm hoping she decides to live with her grandmother because my home is always full of tension. My DH and I don't interact as much when she's around. I avoid him to avoid any disagreements. I don't what will become of us. I hate his parenting style because he's creating exactly what he said he dispises in a woman. Go figure...its to the point where I don't even want to have kids because I will go off if he thinks he can raise any child of mine the way he hasn't raise his current brat. I just don't want her around...at all.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way. I love my husband but his kids are....kids. I don't like kids. And before anyone bounces off with "why did you marry him if you knew he had kids?" I never had any experience before this. Yes, I was delusional. Who gives a crap if they behave or not? Bottom line...it sucks. We have them every other week and the weeks they are with us I feel like I'm going to explode at everything. When they leave it take me three or more days to recover then suddenly they're back. I would rather pay child support and have them live with their mother but she's unstable, behind in her rent and moves about every three months. A day after we got married she moved away for two years. I thought I was going to have to hang myself.