Husband had a stroke
I have been married for 20 years to a rock solid man. He has had a massive stroke for the second time. The BM of the adult children was calling family members before the ambulance got my husband to the hospital. No matter what happens the adult SDs call her and she is in the middle of the entire situation. One daughter went to the doctor and asked that a muscle relaxer be prescribed and that night my husband and I both thought that he was having another stroke. When I approached her about this she got an attitude. I asked her to leave the hospital because she was upsetting her Dad. The doctor stopped the muscle relaxer and apologized. SD came 2 days later and start another argument and the nursing staff, at my request, ask her to leave. SD'a husband got an attorney to call the Risk Management to arrange a visit without my presences as he stated that we were newly married and I was much younger. (I wished I were much younger but only 9 years). The hospital told my husband that it was up to him who visited. The SD's husband called and her father told him that he did not want her at the hospital and that we would settle this matter when we get home. For 20 years I have tried but I now with taking care of my husband 24/7 due to the limitations left due to the stroke that I no longer can cope with the turmoil in our lives. Husband has been in the hospital for 6 weeks and I left twice for a few hours to get clothing for us. At some point should I encourage my husband to have a relationship with them without me?
Shocked
First off sorry about your DH
First off sorry about your DH having the stroke - I am a geriatric nurse and the can be very hard. You will probably need help when you bring him home and I would make sure that the children are not allowed within 100 feet of the house - if they try get a restraining order - the worst thing for your husband is stress. Do you have a power of attorney ready to be activated if need be - I would call a lawyer and get a living will and POA started if you have not done that already.
While in the hospital you can have the staff control who sees him and who is put through on the phone - also make sure that only you and your DH can see the hospital chart - keep those asshole kids away - I will say a prayer for you and your DH and good luck.
I'm so sorry, what a scary
I'm so sorry, what a scary time.
I have to say I'm impressed by your husband's strength to stand up to your SD and her husband (p.s what kind of people DO that sort of thing?!?!) while he is so ill. "Rock solid" is right!
My guy had emergency surgery last summer and the BM was calling and trying to chat me up the entire time. Gross. If I hadn't been so shaken up I would have let her have it. Which is what I would do with the BM in your life. It's not her place, it isn't helpful, and really its kind of pathetic. I wouldn't encourage a relationship with the SD either, she is clearly selfish and not to be trusted. You and your hubby need time together free from more upset and nonsence.
Take care of yourself too
You have my sympathy. I
You have my sympathy. I think whether the skids see their father without you or not after he recuperates is the least of your worries right now. It is hard to understand why SD felt it neccessary to upset her father when he was ill??? It is amazing to me how self-centered all of these adult steps are?
Please concentrate your efforts on taking care of your H and yourself. Once your H gets better you can decide what route to take with SD. Until and unless SD and her husband begin to act like adults keep them as far away as possible as neither one of them have anything to offer you or your H right now!
You can set up a password
You can set up a password system, if needed, to help keep them from gaining access to him. She and her husband can go to risk management all they want, and it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, it's what your husband says that matters. Get all the legal documentation in place now, if you haven't already. The 5 Wishes is a pretty straight forward document for end of life decisions, assigning a medical POA and a regular POA is important for anyone, not just people who are older or sick.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. If you don't, then you can't take care of anyone else. Maintaining boundaries on what you can and can not tolerate is so important right now. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
My prayers are also with you.
My prayers are also with you. There's been some pretty good advice here and I totally agree about the idea of getting a trusted friend or relative to help out. Also getting a restraining order. You need to take care of you too so you can be up for the care he needs. Good luck!