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BM is out of control

Trying hard to do what is best's picture

Submitted by Trying hard to ... on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 11:06am

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Hello. I'm brand new to the site and need very much some advise. Two step sons - 15 and 14. 15 year old is in trouble with the law, under house arrest and BM is allowing him to do things that are not allowed by the court system. I believe she, alone, will be the one to get him sent to jail before he does. She is extremely bi-polar and sees no wrong in what she's doing. Her relationship with her ex is irritating in that she doesn't listen and only wants him to return to their marital home which is not going to happen. She is making my life a living hell. Our home was terrific until the 15 year old got himself into a heap of trouble. Now, we argue quite a bit because "she" is coddling her 15 year old and basically ignoring the 14 year old. Knowing that I am at fault, too, I found myself yelling in the background when she called. This has come to a hault for about 3 weeks now. She knows she gets to me. He knows I'm trying to keep my big mouth shut. Unfortunately, I have my own ideas and have made them heard. I don't believe that has helped anyone. I have read "How to woo the other woman" and have applied any of the steps that pertain to our situation. What can I do to help her understand the importance of being a mother to her son's, stop coddling and let her husband go so we can all have a peaceful existance?

kalmolil's picture

Submitted by kalmolil on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 7:56pm

There isn't anything you can do for the BM. That's something you just have to accept. We tried for YEARS to "help" the BM see what she was doing and how it was affecting SD and all attempts were met with contempt and denial. The only thing you can do at this point is try and maintain control of your own family and do what you can for your SSs. If SS15 is hell bent on living that kind of life and isn't willing to accept help from you, at some point you have to wash your hands clean of the situation and move forward with your life. I'd just hate to see you waste years of your life (like DH did) trying to help someone (BM) who clearly doesn't care about what she's doing!