Stepgrandkids won't call me Grandma
Do you step-grandkids call you grandma or by your first name? My husband's children all call me by my first name, but I never expected their children to do the same.
I'm only 46, so I'm not thrilled to be called "Grandma", I would have been fine with "Nana", but I'm horrified that my 2 year old step-grandson is being told to call me by my first name.
DH and I married when his kids were grown, all 3 his kids live on the opposite coast, they don't visit, I have no real relationship with them, but I did have hopes for the grandkids. Not that I've met them. DH goes to visit his kids and grandkids by himself. The stepkids basically act like my kids & I don't exist or at least aren't part of their family.
Then my oldest stepson sent us a video of the 2 year old first grandchild this Easter. It was cute and adorable, I so wanted to meet him. Then step-grandson said,"Hi Grandpa" (whom he knows), then with some prompting from his mother said "Hi Firstname" to me, then said hi to my kids calling them by their first names, no 'aunt' or 'uncle'. I freaked.
DH talked to his son and daughter-in-law later and they said if I was uncomfortable being called by my first name, their son could call me by Mrs Lastname. Like that's any better. All his kids decided they won't let their kids use any grandmotherly nicknames for me.
DH says just to let it go, I need to pick my battles and this isn't one of them. All that matters is that they sent the video. DH is more concerned if I go ticking off his son and in particular the daughter-in-law- he'll lose any access to the grandkids all together. DH's only compromise is finding a cutesy nickname for my firstname and asking his kids to let the grandkids call me that. But it will be up to the his kids.
I've tried to explain to DH how hurt I am by all this, but all Dh cares about is not ticking off, his kids and losing access to his grandkids. I don't understand why they keep me at such a distance- the stepkids' mother died 9 years ago. It's not like there's another maternal grandmother in the picture who'd be jealous, but they don't want me to replace their mom in any way, not even being part of their kids' lives.
When DH and I first got married, DH's kids were barely a factor in our lives. They were all in college on the opposite coast & barely speaking to their father. Now they are all getting married, having families- I can't get away from them My step-daughter-in-laws have heard nothing but horrible things about me and my kids from SD and now they are justifying ignoring me too. My husband is semi-retired and can go out and visit his kids for weeks without me. It's like he has this other family I'm not apart of.
Maybe I'm being petty, but I simply want to be acknowledged.
Let it go. These people live
Let it go. These people live 3,000 miles away and they are not a part of your life so why make it harder on yourself?
I agree, let it go. It's so
I agree, let it go. It's so not important. You are not their real grandmother and if they want to call you by your first name, let that be like calling you grandma. Believe me, they could be calling you a lot worse.
Ugh. I just don't get that!
Ugh. I just don't get that! Why wouldn't we want as many people as possible to love our kids- or skids- and be a paty of their lives!
Now, I admit, my parents were not keen on becoming instant- grandparents. My mom tried to teach the skids her name, but due to their speech impediments, they kept saying it wrong, which ticked her off. At the end of that first visit like that, when I hugged her good bye, I whispered in her ear, "if you ever want to be a Grandma, know is the time, because some day another little one will come along and he or she will do whatever he sees his big brothers and sister doing..."
Two days later she called and said she and dad had decided that any and all grandkids can call them "Nana B" and PawPaw B." And since that moment, an instant bond was created between my skids and my parents, and my parents are very quick to brag on the successes of the skids, and always introduce their FOUR grandchildren...
I'm sorry you are missing out, but even sorrier for the little ones. I guess if I was in your shoes, I would decide what I wanted to be called, and start sending cards and letters and emails, and sign that name. Insist you go with your husband next time and have a boat load of presents for the grandkids. You don't have to spend every moment with the skids and grand-skids, do some sight-seeing on your own as well, or relax in the hotel...
EVentually some DIL or SD might grow a brain and see, "Heh, this woman isn't so evil, and she loves my kids..."
ridiculous how far some
ridiculous how far some ADULTS will go to be rude. I would send a nice card thanking Mrs. "so and so" for the video and put something along the lines of-, MY husband, Mr. so and so also really enjoyed it. I enjoyed seeing the children, Miss so and Mr. so.
Of course I am just passive aggressive like that. But sometimes you've got to give people a taste of their own medicine before they see how ridiculous they are being.
I would have trouble letting
I would have trouble letting that go, too. I am sorry that you are going through this. Why any parents would want to keep someone at a distance rather than being happy that it is one more person to love that child and make him/her feel part of a bigger family, and also why they would want to make you feel "set apart" rather than accepting you as their dad's partner.....awful. My heart goes out to you.
We had a huge deal with BM not wanting SSs6 to call my family the same names that DD5 and DS6 call them. She wouldn't listen to reason. I told her that she may not control what her kids call my family- that is between SSs and my family members- so hopefully when your grandchildren are old enough they may decide to call you what they feel comfortable calling you, like another poster said, when your bio grandkids are around...if the cool detachment from their mean parents has not spread to them (fingers crossed).
Kids love who they want to
Kids love who they want to love... We see it all the time when the skids start calling us "mommy" even if the bio-mom tries to tell them not to.
If the kids see that you love them, they'll know what to do...
I would not take a boat load
I would not take a boat load of presents for the grandkds. I would not buy their love or set this example for the future. You are worthy of recognition based on something other than material possessions.
My step grands always called
My step grands always called me grandma. Due to family situations I took in 2 of them for a while as young children. I have not seen or heard from any of them in several years and some of the more recent ones i have never seen. This is due to their parents not taking the time to visit with DH. It used to be a 20 minute drive for them but now it would take a whole 2 1/2 hrs. since we moved. So they still only see him when he drives to see them at christmas time. There never was much of a close tie between them and DH. Their ties are with Bio- mom/grandma who they continue to live in the same building with. I have seen 2 of the grands since I moved up here to MI. They both seemed happy to see me and called me grandma, hugged me ,seemed glad to see me but I know they also remember I always showed them a good time, gave them lots of good memories, had family parties ,reunions befor I decided to disengage. I know they have sence enough to realize it was grandpa who drove them around for a few minutes in the wagon hooked to the back of his tractor. But it was grandma who could put the party together. They have mentioned the fun times they had and how they miss them. DH is like many men of his time, never that involved with kids. I was involved and part of every group activity my children were in. scouting, band , sports and church. Educational trips were part of our family life so at one time the steps had many advantages they would never have experienced with him. Those days are over and I dwell on my own now. My grands have always called DH grandpa. I am the 3rd widow that DH has married. He has mentioned children seemed much more respectful and accepting toward him then his daughters were toward his wives. Maybe it is because they still have both parents. Their attitudes can carry on to the step grands. A counselor once pointed out to me that older men are not usually the ones who plan dinners, family gatherings and functions or keep tabs on special occassions. So when there is not a female in the picture to keep these things going then the interaction really slows down. This has proven true in our case.
I agree about picking your
I agree about picking your battles. These people are barely involved in your life - why give them power over you? If they don't want to embrace you and have a relationship, that's their choice, but it sounds like they will miss out on a lot. Ask yourself this - would you expect a stranger on the street to have their kids call you "Grandma?" That's essentially what these people are to you - strangers. I would recommend that you treat them as strangers in return.
My SM is dead; however, if my
My SM is dead; however, if my dad ever re-married, I couldn't fathom calling his new wife "mom" or any other sort of motherly moniker. My mom's DH is "Bob" (not his real name); they were married when I was 16. I think b/c my mom's DH has always been in the picture, my DD calls him peepaw; she came up with this on her own. As for a new wife for my dad, though, I doubt DD woulc be calling her nana or mamaw or anything else like that. It's not a dis-respect issue. You just aren't in their lives. I know you said your DH's relationship w/ his adult children was strained when you entered the picture, but at least had the advantage of having always been a parental figure in their lives; you, on the other hand, are just another adult.
I'm trying to let it go, but
I'm trying to let it go, but it's so hard when they are so much a part of my husband's life. DH has it on the calendar when he's going out there for the next grandchild's birth, something I'm 100% percent not invited to. DH has this great relationship with his kids, and now daughters-in-law and grandkids, more people that are completely not in my life and probably never will be. It's hard when he's in his office talking to them and when I ask about them, he say 'nothing' because he knows it will make me mad.
And this is so hard on my kids who were younger when I married DH, DH is 'Dad' to them, but DH has these other bio kids who refuse to acknowledge they exist. It's not that they are outwardly rude, they'll send christmas and birthday gifts, but it's always at a distance, like they're only doing it because their father insists on it. They kinda act like we're some sort of business associate they have to be considerate of. It's hard to explain, their father would be livid they were outwardly mean to us, so they do it in this way that is just so.... distant, that's the only way I can describe it.
Their father can get them to 'behave' as he puts it, but after being married to DH for 8 years, I just feel like they should finally accept their father has moved on and not act as if I'm this invader in their mother's home. I'm just so sick of everything being about their sainted dead mother. I just want to yell "Get over it!".
I understand your hurt. My
I understand your hurt. My husband had 7 grandkids when we married. The older ones, no I knew would not pick a grandma name for me, just my first name. But one daughter had a baby, and I texted and asked her if I could be MiMi. She never texted me back. After a month or so, I told my husband. He told me she had called him to ask what HE thought about it and of course he was fine with it. But she told him she would let me know it was ok and never did, and I said well why didnt YOU tell me she called and he said because she said she would tell you. Why would she call and ask him anyway? I also asked her sister if her kids could call me Mimi. Her kids were young, about 2 and 4. She never replied to my text. Once I signed a card to some of the other grandkids as being from MiMi _____ and Grandaddy...just to make a point. I am called by my first name. It is clear, none of them want me to be called anything else. The youngest daughter, whom I asked....came to visit one day from to of town, and she had taught her 3 year old "grandaddy" and I was no one. It just hit me and I said to both her and my husband, he doesn't even know my NAME! The daughter got mad and said of course he knows your name! How could you think he doesn't know your name?? and then started asking him my name....he just looked at me blankly. He had no idea. Im sure at home, she shows him photos of my husband and says "grandaddy" She was furious that I pointed out to her dad that she had done this. Next time they came back, he knew my name. But I will never be MiMi to anyone. There are now 10 grandkids. The thing is, the girls were adult women when I married their dad, so I never expected a huge bond. But with young children, you think this is my chance. The sad part is I have no kids. And their BIO grandmother, the ex....is on alcohol and drugs and doesn't do much of anything for them or spend time with them. I have bought gifts, taken to movies, spent time with etc. And seems like more I do, more the parents dislike it. I guess it reminds them of their mother's failures.
Entitled brat
You sound like a total b****. How dare you say they need to get over their mother’s death? I know I’m late but I was reading this thread for some advice. You sound very entitled. What part don’t you understand that your stop kids don’t want to be apart of your family. You seem very disrespectful. “Sainted dead mother”.... wow can’t belove I just read that. YOU get over it.
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I’m not quite sure why you replied so aggressively to this post.
Someone is reaching out for understanding and compassion. Telling her she is a B**** isn’t really very helpful.
Its hard losing a parent no matter what age, however at some point you need to savor the memories and allow others (like your father) to move on.
I’ve been married to a great guy for almost 7 years. There were ( and sometimes are still) moments when the deceased bio mom is very present. As a SGma who has cared for 4 ( now 5) sgkids it does hurt to be ostrisized.
If you haven’t been able to move on I hope you get some needed counseling. If this is not the case, I hope you refrain from posting hateful comments moving forward.
Life is too short and there is enough hate in this world.
I wish DH was sick of going
I wish DH was sick of going out there without me. My job doesn't let me go back East to visit for weeks at a time whenever I feel like it. DH is semi-retired consultant, he can go out there for 2-3 weeks, work from home when he needs to it's no big deal. All his family is back East. Honestly, I think he likes it out there with his adult kids, the grandkids, playing golf with his sons, rather than being home and arguing with my teenagers.
I think his kids are awful, passive aggressive brats, but DH thinks it's all about them not being over their mother's death and when it comes to anything about his first wife's death, DH simply won't think logically.
I'm sorry your stepkids are
I'm sorry your stepkids are so petty they'd deprive a child of a grandparent. I am even sorrier, you DH is an idiot and doesn't see how hurtful it is. I wonder how he would feel if the children called him by his first name. Make sure your money doesn't go towards this children since apparently you aren't worthy of their attention. Spoil your own or a friends. MY MeMaw was one of my favorite people in the whole world & was not even blood related but a friend of my grandmother.
Also, remember karma is a B%^&H. I know my SD16 stepfather's parents insisted on being called by their first name, and SD still resents them to this day for it. She purposely tries to get the younger half siblings to do the same thing.
Oh my money isn't going to
Oh my money isn't going to any of DH's kids or grandkids. They don't need it. Not that money hasn't been a major issue. The issue in the beginning of our marriage was the stepkids insisting none of their dead mother's money going to my kids or me. SD has money left over in her college fund (very long story) that was money her mother inherited. DH's has put that in college funds (529 accounts) for the grandkids. His grandkids have more in their college funds than my kids do. It's been such a major issues, especially with the first wife's family. The stepkids all have good jobs, they all went to great universities, etc. DH has bragged about how much the two boys are making. I'm honestly jealous of those posters who's stepkids are jobless living at home. It'd be better than having DH brag about how great his kids are doing in life. I so worry my kids won't ever measure up.
I've tried to appeal to them that their kids should have a grandmother, but in their opinion, their kids were deprived of a grandmother when their mother died and that's the end of the story. They won't let me replace their sainted dead mother in any shape or form. When SD briefly lived with us, she wouldn't let me do anything for her. Nothing. It was like she was a very polite boarder.
I didn't want his first
I didn't want his first wife's money, the issue has always been what DH's kids see as 'mom's money' and what after first wife's death went to DH and was rightfully in DH's name. There was a 'college fund' that was for SD & the SS's education. I had no idea the money was something the first wife had inherited, it was just money in an account in DH's name only with no restrictions. SD's college was very expensive, when we first got married I said that all three kids could have gone to state school for what it cost to send SD to Brown. SD ran to her mom's side of the family and told everyone I wanted her college fund for my kids, which wasn't true, I just was taken back by the cost, I thought she'd have gotten more aid or scholarships or something. Because of issues between DH & SD, her grandmother paid for much of SD's education and what's left in her college fund is now being distributed to DH's grandkids.
I understand where the money came from and don't want it, but I am a bit resentful that DH paid for all three of his kids to go to very good schools and my kids will not have that luxury. There was nothing in the first wife's will that said that money had to go to only SD & SS's education, it was just money that went to DH after she died. It's DH's kids who believe every dime their mother brought to their parents' marriage should be going to them. I am resentful about that. They certainly don't need it. There's such an inequality between his kids and mine- it's not even funny.
When DH & I first got married, he really prioritized my kids. He missed the second oldest son's graduation because he was coaching my son's little league game. He really made an effort to spend time with my kids and become a family. Now.... my son's a teenager and rather than be a parent to him, DH will just go into his office and call one of his sons. I know it's wrong to feel this way, but I hate it. I wish it was just us.
AGAIN WITH THE ENTITLEMENT.
AGAIN WITH THE ENTITLEMENT. That is not your money!!! LOL that money was for her kids and future grandchildren! NOT YOURS. You are claiming that the step kids are nasty yet you seem very nasty to be around. You sound very miserable and jealous.
DH's grandkids do not call me
DH's grandkids do not call me "grandma" or anything close to it and I couldn't care less. I am NOT their grandmother (DH's xwife is "gramma"). They are not related to me. I very rarely see them, and I can't stand SD (their mother). Yes, they are cute right now, but give them 10 years and they will be evil teenagers just like their mother was. Go ahead and call me a "bitch", but these children are not in a good situation. I can do nothing about it. So, I just stay away.
Let this go. That does mean
Let this go. That does mean don't waste your money on grandma gifts for them too. Grandpa can get those. The bigger issue is why does your DH exclude you to visit them? Your DH is the one showing them you are not a part of his family...and if your bio kids are your DHs, he is disrespecting them even more.
PS honestly, I would make a "blank" family reunion tshirt, take my family on vc w/DH, not invite them but send them pics wearing the shirts!
Two years ago, I freaked when
Two years ago, I freaked when DH spent the week between Christmas and New Years with his kids without me. He did it after a therapist told him it was best for him to visit his kids without me. We did counselling, the therapist sided with him. Therapist said DH is a parent to his kids, he's got to be allowed to be a parent and I have to be supportive... I don't like it, but DH wants a relationship with his kids, if I keep him home, then I'm the one being blamed for him not seeing his kids.
I never thought he'd be gone this much, but DH is semi-retired, and I am not. There's no way I have the time off from work to go out there like he does. He wants to go out for the grandkid's births, he was out there last month for his sons's MIL's funeral, he even goes along with his son on some of his business trips. He's doing the semi-retired, I can finally travel thing.
DH loves going off and doing things now that he doesn't have to punch a clock every day. He's older, I kinda feel like I have to let him do this rather than waiting for me to retire. And the alternative is what really scares me. I know DH wants to move back there. All his family is there, all my family is here.
What I've learned is that if
What I've learned is that if the stepchildren don't accept you early on in your marriage, it's not going to happen later. Obviously that is what has happened in your case. And it probably isn't about you; it is about anyone who became their stepmother. For me it has been over 20 years of their indifference towards me and having to come face-to-face with it bothers me terribly. I would prefer not having to be around them at all. They don't accept me, they tolerate me and there is nothing I have ever been able to do to change it. Maybe your husband is trying to shield you. Read the book StepMonster and just make the most of your life with your husband and your children. That is who your family is. Feel relieved that you don't have to make those visits with him because if you feel left out now is is still better than feeling just like that when you are in their presence. Accept also that if they aren't willing to take the time to get to know you and don't want you in their lives, then it is their loss, not yours. You just can't make people feel the way you want them to. My stepchildren never wanted to have anything to do with my kids either and I feel my kids are better off for it. Disengagement is the key. Build a wall, don't let them in and enjoy every moment of your own family.
I want to be so angry about
I want to be so angry about this, but I can't. DH will blame me if he is cut off from his kids again and now with the grandkids... It's just harder now that his kids aren't just on the opposite coast and calling DH every once and a while. There's constant reminders that DH has these kids who don't want to know my kids and me. Before they were so much more out of sight, out of mind. Now there's grandkids babbling on the phone.
I don't want my marriage to end. Walking away, kicking DH out for going to see his kids, I can't do that. I love my husband and my kids love him like he's their own father. My kids don't have a biodad that's in the picture. DH is their 'dad', DH is the guy who will walk my daughter down the aisle when she gets married, it's just hard to accept that at those big family events, DH's kids won't want any part of it.
The family is not going to blend, his kids absolutely refuse to relent and DH can't make them, not when they are so willing to cut off contact. DH has talked to him, maybe more than I'd liked him to, because rather than laying down the law and insisting they treat me and especially my children like family, he's starting to take their side on certain things. They see things so much differently than I do, it makes me so sad that DH has internalized some of their warped views of things in our life together.
Honey, are you sure you want
Honey, are you sure you want to put up with this? I am thinking you are not getting much out of this, except hurt and pain - and the only option is denying it? I think I would try to start thinking of how you can get along without DH, because unfortunately it seems his heart is elsewhere dear . . . sorry but that is how I see it based on this??? think about it??
The husband very likely can
The husband very likely can not make the grown 'children' call you by anything other than your first name. And granchildren - ditto. You will always be the outsider. The way my husband and I handled this was to leave. Told the ex-wife she could be grandma X 1,000 forever-a-saint and we were gone. So she is grandparenting by herself and you know this is just as well as it was hell co-parenting-step parenting with that woman anyway. Sometimes it does not turn out to be 'The Brady Bunch' happy ending and best to just walk away, especially when all the child support has been paid and no outstanding obligations involved. We found it easier to make a whole new 2nd family (with additional children) than to make the 1st family behave towards us in any way that approached 'normal.' Just saying: sometimes the best ending is the unhappy (have to leave ya) one.
It must be Throwback Day on
It must be Throwback Day on StepTalk!
If your adult skids don't
If your adult skids don't want you in their lives or in their children's lives sadly this is their choice. I see the issue here is more about your dh and why he would go and see them anyway when he must know how much it hurts you
When my dh's eldest daughter had sgc she initially did the exact same thing (insisted her child call me by my first name). I was absolutely fine with it (and like you at only 45 I thought it would feel weird to be called grandma anyway) I figured works two ways honey and no problem I will be nothing more than Disillusioned to your son
However I didn't have to worry about my dh going off to see his daughter and grandson without me. My dh has tolerated a lot of crap from his daughter but so far not that. I think he would have taken a stand and told her no way, if I'm not invited then guess she's made a choice that her son wouldn't see his grandfather....or we would have figured out a way to spend time with sgs without her in the picture
And that is key. I'm disengaged from dh's daughter and she no longer has much power over me any longer. When she pulled the 'sgc calls Disillusioned only by her name thing' she saw it had no effect, in fact I was happy to go with it - and I'm sure she also realized all the great gifts, attention, affection, etc.. that would have gone to sgs where I'm concerned would have been greatly reduced, he would be no more to me than the son of a stranger who would receive the same common courtesy and respect but no more. Most importantly I think she also senses dh would not side with her and exclude me so she hasn't gone that far. And lately she has begun to refer to me as Grandma Disillusioned to sgs as well...
If you are okay with dh excluding you then I guess you just have to focus on your life and your kids. I wouldn't go to any trouble about including your dh in your kids events either or by enforcing that their children one day call him grandpa
Your dh has made a choice to not tick off his kids for fear they will walk out of his life. Does he not fear by ticking you off you will do the same? Clearly he has made a choice to put hurtful mean behaviour above protecting his wife. If you can live with that, then go live your life with your kids and make sure you and yours come way before him and his
I called my step grandmother
I called my step grandmother by her first name, she was a witch. I respected her for my grandfather and I did let my daughter call her grandma. My daughter did this until her bio granddaughter got pregnant and she made the comment, in front of my daughter who was 13 at the time, I am finally going to be a great grandmother. This really hurt my daughters feeling, and my daughter stopped calling her grandma, her choice not mine.
Maybe if the woman would of not treated my brother and myself differently than her grandkids it would of been different. For example for Christmas we got $20 in a card and her grandkids got expensive gifts. My grandfather would go behind her back to do for us.
I think that if you are good to the kids that is all that matters and you SK's should pick nickname for you to be called. The adult SK's need to put their feelings for you aside as I did when my daughter was born. GL
The grandkids have never
The grandkids have never called me grandma or nana. They call me by my first name and this has been going on for 15 (oldest is 15, youngest is eight). To be honest, It does not bother me because I am 48 so I always felt kind of weird being referred to as a grandmother anyway :). I lowered my expectations and that has helped me to not really expect much out of them or get to upset of anything they do anymore. Disengagement... plus they live across the country and we only see them maybe once or twice a year.
Once my SD had to actually explain to them what i was in the family. I think when they were younger they had a hard time figuring out the dynamic so she said "She is like a grandma." Good enough for me... the FIL is actually referred to as grandpa or pops by the grandkids even though his is not the bio granddad. I think this is fine and it does not bother me at all because their real granddad passed away before they were born and he and the MIL are there all the time (they live about an hour away).
I agree with the others, let it go
My DH's son and girlfriend
My DH's son and girlfriend were pregnant when I moved in with my two kids (at the time 5 and 11). We weren't married yet and I was afraid of me being known as "grandma" incase something happened and it didn't work out. I should never have said that but through my dating I was always very careful about establishing relationships with my kids and anyone else. I also figured by the time he was old enough to talk, we would be married and grandma would be great!
I know exactly how you feel. Things started out bad with the skids and only got worse. They don't live with us now of course, but every time my DH heads over there to see them it breaks my heart. And what's worse is when he comes home and shares all the cute stuff they do. I have finally had to just tell him to keep quiet, I don't want to hear about it. When I did force DH to take me over its like they are starting on the grandkids cause they will run to Grandpa and hardly acknowledge me when I reach out to them. It hurts my feelings so bad since the oldest grandkid lived with us for two years. She now has three beautiful babies that I can't get close too.
I resent my DH and I think from day one this whole thing should've been different. I was never allowed to go to the hospital with my DH when step daughter in law was giving birth. Bio mom was there and didn't want me there. Seems like my DH has always let his side of the family make the rules for our relationship. When the skids finally out BM helped them move. She also wanted my DH to help her. Of course I couldn't be in her presence. I threw the biggest fit. I gave him the ultimatum that if I wasn't included he couldn't go. He told his kids this, next thing you know, the evil step daughter in law informs me that if I don't butt out and mind my own business my DH will not ever see his grandkids again. So I had to give up.
What I do is try my best not to think too much about it. I recommend a hobby or something you can do for fun when he goes to see them. I feel so bad for you. I know how you feel. Sad part is there is no happy answer just less hurtful one. Good luck to you!
They are not your grandkids,
They are not your grandkids, so it's not for you to decide what they call you its up to their parents. Their parents must have their reasons so you just have to respect that, and let them be and accept it. Sorry to be rude, but you sound like a spoiled little kid who just can't get their own way. You sound just like my step-mother who always has to have the last word on everything! You don't have to control what other people do.
If it was me, I would let the kids call me whatever the heck they wanted to call me! Be grateful that they even come to visit you, focus on the good things in life.
My stepgrandkids are not even given the opportunity to visit us. Unfortunately their was bitterness between my hubby and his ex-wife, and she turned his kids against him. (and me) So we don't have a choice. He worked 7 days a week to keep away from his ex-wife! And she turned it against him and made the kids when they were growing up think he didnt want to be around them. So they have a bad attitude to their father now, no matter what he does and we don't get to see the grandkids at all.
I would gladly let the kids call me anything they liked if only they would be allowed to visit us.
Just be thankful for what you have and be happy! Its a lot more fun that being angry or upset about something. You can choose
BTW please don't get the
BTW please don't get the wrong idea my comments aren't meant to be upsetting ... it's just that I would let my step grand kids call me anything, only if they were allowed to visit us ... so it seems a bit selfish to me when you complain that step grand kids call you by your first name?
I would let the kids call me anything they wanted to, if only they were allowed to visit us! So I just can't sympathise with you that's all.
This blog is two years old.
This blog is two years old. :?
Disney & Echo, Thank God
Disney & Echo, Thank God almighty these new posters can't read dates and are recycling old posts.
I jest lernned to reed last weak.
I Have been married 23 years,
I Have been married 23 years, a second marriage for both of us......both previous spouses have since died.
My husband left his wife and son 10 years before he married me. He always paid their bills but never invited his son to our home. (The son was a jerk with his previous girlfriend) We opened the door to my stepson, after his mother died. He has always been resentful and awkward...then he married and had children...and he and his wife were always rude so five years ago I gave up.... I told my husband that I was not able to do anything right. Now...I never invite them. My husband handles it, Fathers' Day we left town, my husband's choice. Saturday night, we celebrated a child's birthday at their house. We were there 3 hours....then went home....so I just held my tongue for 3 hours and it was over...
I just have to put up with them about 3 times a year for about 2-3 hours each time. It's do able...I don't care that they don't like me. They are put out that they no longer welcome on holidays with my children. They have tried to invite themselves but my husband says we are busy or not home... They got what they wished for and now they do not like it!!!! Exclusive quality time with Dad...ha ha
And now I don't have to ruin my own family occasions where people are happy to celebrate together.
Don't force yourself,
give up and tell your husband to handle his side.,,,,
You and only you decide what
You and only you decide what you will be called by any child. Their parents don't dictate that, spouses don't dictate that, you dictate that.
So quit letting the toxic Skids stipulate what you will be referred to as by their children.
If you want Nana then Nana you are. I do not allow children to call me anything but by my name. "Mr. (Lastname of Firstname)" is their only choice if they are not related to me and those that are related to me refer to me by the title I represent. Uncle or Dad. Dependind on the kid. I don't care what age they are. A toxic crotch nugget will never be allowed to refer to me other than as Sir or Mr.
A quality kid, I will work with on what to call me.