My husband doesn't like my daughter!!
Ok guys, I need to vent. There has been some tension in my house I have a SS9 and a SD8 and a BD9 and a BD3. My husband and my BD9 have not bonded, and in fact, sometimes things seem to get worse than better. I took a lot of time to bond and get to know my SKIDS before we moved in together and got married, and my husband did a little bit, but not much. Now, he treats my BD9 so much different than his kids. He barks at her all the time, and in situations where he would not do this to his kids. Now, his kids are seeing that behavior, and my SKIDS are now treating my BD9 horribly!! They lie about things she does (caught SS9 lieing 3 times one day to try and get her in trouble..what does DH do..just "talks" to him about it!!). I have pointed out to him several times how he treats my BD9 different than his kids but he swears he didn't. Well now, my BD says she has been telling her dad about how she feels like an outsider in my home!! This devestated me, ad broke my heart. I went to DH and told him to pull his head out of the sand and start acknowledging what is going on, and make a conscious effort to fix it, or this will never work. I will NOT have my BD feel like she is an outsider!!! Needless to say, DH first reaction was to get pissed at me, and then started blaming BD, by saying she was just over sensitive, etc., and that he wasn't going to make an exception for her. I flew off the handle, reminded him that the problem here is that he doesn't make an exception for her, he only does it for the SKIDS. That got him quiet. He has thought about it last few days, and says he sees what is going on now and is going to change. But will it?? Should we try family counciling? And what about SKIDS? How do we get them to quit picking on her..it is ridiculous, and that part just started recently. (around the same time we started takiing the ex wife to court for custody) so I am assuming that vile BM has something to do with the SKIDS treating my kids this way. REgardless, it has to stop. I don't want my BD feelign this way, and I don't want her to dad to think I am not properly caring for her!! I feel like I could scream!! And this does not help my attempt to bond with my SKIDS, who, of course, I have been breeding resentment towards now that all of this is going on! I treat my SKIDS just like I do my own kids, why the hell can't DH do the same??
Wellllllll......I do NOT like
Wellllllll......I do NOT like the adult Skids. As a matter of fact, I've disengaged completely from them for a wide variety of reasons. As the old saying goes, "Dead to me". Would I want my husband to treat my grown daughter like this? No way. However, I wouldn't let my grown child do the things his kids do on a daily basis. Being as mine is an adult, if DH doesn't want to be involved in her life, so be it. She had an excellent father (deceased), and she knows no one will ever replace him. She has a career, and good friends. She is polite to DH, bakes him goodies and always speaks kindly to him. However, he is much more a part of my life than hers. So.....
In your case, your child is just starting to get to those precious pre-teen years, you know, the years when you realize why some animals actually eat their young! And, she is also discovering that she has some power by playing you, your husband, and your ex against each other. It may well be that your husband is harder on her than his own kids. It may also be that she has learned to push his buttons. Family counseling may be a good idea, because this situation isn't going to get any better in the years to come!
No No No No No I'm with you
No No No No No I'm with you on this one tj. My hubby does the same things too, he treats his boys totally different then he does my daughter. They can leave the dinner table early, she always has to stay there and finish her supper. They get "talked to" she gets yelled at. My hubby doesn't listen to me either, I feel like I have to force him to be a part of her life, but he won't or always puts it off. You and I are in the same boat, and its not one that is filled with vodka lol, if you find a solution let me know.
I can give you an alternate
I can give you an alternate viewpoint. Im a stepmom and most of the time I just want to relax. DH tries to FORCE his daughter on me. I really just want to be let alone. I have spoken with him several times about only making plans to get her when he wants to spend time with her and so on.
I think you may need to think about how much pressure you are putting on DH. Maybe he doesnt want you pushing your child on him. Give him a break.