Maybe step children and rudeness are like cats and litter. You love the cat, but....
I am new to this site, but it seems that rudeness is one of the most common complaint of stepparents. I feel relieved in a way because my 7yo SS is rude, hurtful, and disruptive, and I thought I was just sucking at being a SM, but I am not alone, and maybe it's not just me. DH and I have 3 children together and SS, the oldest. His behavior is outside of my comfort zone, and I don't know how to cope! I keep hoping, for years now, that one day he will settle in. In the meantime my nerves are wearing away and our other children are growing up with this little cyclone ripping holes in their happy little days. I feel like I have been shoved into the role of the evil step mother from fairy tales. That's not me! that's not who I wanted to become! But he just constantly demands things, to play video games, to eat sweets, to get anything that he can think of at the moment, and then we have to say no, and then he has a tantrum about it, and then he gets sent to his room, and he tantrums, and then he comes back and demands again. It is maddening. I am constantly scrambling to keep ahead of him, keep him fed, keep him busy, but I have a 4yo and twin 8 month old girls to keep up with too, and the saddest part is that looking after all 3 of them is easier than just him alone. It's like he just needs SO much attention, all the time. He gets just as much, if not more of our love than the other kids, but he just always wants MORE, of everything. My DH and I aren't rude people, we are fairly quiet types, really, or we were, though sometimes we lose our tempers. DH has a much shorter fuse than I do. But I guess with Step Kids, if you love the kid you have to deal with the shit.
I think a lot of times SKs
I think a lot of times SKs are insecure because their world has been turned upside down, and they do need a lot of attention. Whether we can give them as much attention as they need is a big question in my mind, especially when you have bio kids of your own and are naturally going to feel more protective of them - to give them the attention they need and keep them from being influenced by the bad behavior of the other child. It sounds like you're doing the best that can be done with the situation. Maybe you can arrange some play dates or other activities for the kid (like sports or service activities) to give you a break now and then. No, you are not alone.
My 3 skids just moved in with
My 3 skids just moved in with us recently and I feel the same way. Ages 4, 9 and 11 all boys. The 9 year old thinks im the devil because of the same issues. He is doing aweful in his school (he was already kept back) we keep taking things away and its just getting worse. I have recently signed him up for soccer and swimming, hoping it will calm him down a bit and maybe get him out. The other children have issues but they are not rude and mean, they just do not behave in terms of listening and bad behavior from their mom. Try to get him into some counceling and maybe some activities, atleast enough to give your little ones a breather as well.
Good Luck