The positive...I adore the new family that I have decided to become a part of but I need to make sure that I am making the right decision to stay before anyone gets their feelings seriously hurt not to mention the little ones whom already deal with separation anxiety issues.

I started a relationship with this guy about 5 months ago and he mentioned his two daughters 2 and 3. Right away I tried to do some research because I want the best for everyone and learned that there are some things that take time, especially for the little ones to warm up to me.

THe 3 yr old is the one I'm having most troubles with. From the beginning, she would tell me she doesn't like me. It hurt, but I learned not to take it personally and still treat her as if she were my own. I am pretty sure it's because she hasn't seen her father be affectionate towards any other woman besides her mother; and I understand...so after some time, she finally got over that phase.

From the beginning...I've never met a guy I was so compatible with and our chemistry just clicks, but he has a family. So, I made the choice to work into it.(Note that this is all hearsay) The first thing since I started dating the guy is hearing his friends and family talk about the ex how she was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to him. She was a one night stand who refused to leave and shortly after was pregnant. He was under the impression that she told him she was on birth control. He stayed with her for the baby and although there was no relationship with the two adults, he stayed for the baby. THen another night he was drunk and she got pregnant again. Again what I was told...don't know the truth...but it happened. SHe has 2 other children and by hearing from friends and family, she is neglectful, screams at them, has no source of income, I'm pretty sure the living set up there is illegal and irresponsible...He ended up leaving her after finding out that she was doing drugs while pregnant and stole a bunch of money from him. THere was even a question on if the 2nd child was his because of the lack of their sex life but he doesn't care to know and is still there which is amazing. I try so hard not to pass judgement and after hearing all of these things, I knew what i might have to work with in the future.

It makes me worried why the mother doesn't care to meet the girl who is dating her ex and is around their children all of the time. I'm not in her home so I don't see how their life is. The boyfriend says she loves her children and is a good mother so I go with it as everyone else says they've seen the opposite.

I read that the step parent must let the biological parent do the parenting...but what if there was none? No discipline. The father basically wanted me to help and jump in and would support my decisions. He says I'm the perfect girl for him and wants a future with me so seeing how we work together in this blended family will prove how things will work. I told him that I will jump in but if he doesn't feel comfortable with a decision or rule I make then he needs to inform me so that he doesn't resent me in the future.

Now that you have the blended past, here is the now...

When I came in, I felt certain ways about things and would ask a lot of questions and do some research because I wanted to make sure that I was doing what is right for the family. When I started being around the children more (7 days a week every other week)Here are some issues that my gut has told me:

1.Co-Sleeping (Which can either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what side their on. I'm not a co-sleeper. My parents never did with me and I don't plan to with my future children. We took out co-sleeping).

2. The 2 and 3 yr old were not potty trained or even in the process. (They now are after a few weeks of my reminding them to go often and giving positive reinforcement. It took longer because every time they would go back to their mothers it seemed when they came back, the training was reversing)

3.They had no bed time nor daily schedule (Now we have them enrolled at a pre-school/daycare/school. It's wonderful! And they come home eat dinner at 5:30, play a little with puzzles and what not, Bath at 7:00, their favorite show and put to bed at 8:30. A system. The father is very happy how things are going. But when he picks them o=up from their mothers, she lets them stay up until whenever, not sure what she feeds them and they refuse to go to bed until midnight; so I had him send her an email letting her know what we do when we have them and what she does so we can get them on the same schedule. She has not yet responded but I sure she will. Just recently, they never went into each others homes, the b/f had to walk in and get his child who slept for 4hours and it's 7pm. I don't know any parent who would allow this!)

Those were the top 3 issues and we're working on them and we work well together...reading books at night and what not. Now there are some issues I am finding hard to work though.

The 3 year old:

Before I get into the negative part I must say that she is very good most all of the time. She follows direction such as, can you take your shoes and put them away or before you bring out another puzzle you have to put this one away first...thank you. Sometimes when I drop her off somewhere she will tell me she loves me and give me a hug but most of the time she is not like that and I don't want to make her give me a hug or ask unless she does it on her own. Otherwise it just feels forced and I want her to come around on her own. She asks for things instead of demanding and has a very close relationship with her father

1. Clinginess and her whining for attention. She is not neglected at this home at all. Separation anxiety issues? Not sure...

2. Her fits when I try to get her dressed for school are just way out of hand. So now I told her father he has to get her ready in the morning...I help get them dressed while he gets dressed as a time saver. Lay out their clothes every night and makes sure he has a lunch...but somehow he's still late by a few minutes and I don't want to be the one to blame and if she doesn't want me to get her ready, she has that right as a 3 yr old. I'm not sure why she acts like this.

3.About a couple of months ago, she starting humping things. After doing some research, I guess it's normal for a toddler to do. She told me that her mother told her to call it tickling which for some reason really disturbs me. But if she does this, she knows only in her room and not out in public.

The 2 yr old:

1. Very independent and tends to wander off a lot. Biggest issue is that she ignores us and does what she will do anyway. It's great that she out there discovering the World but if it's dangerous, I need her to listen and avoid a bad situation.

2. Middle of the night screaming and crying. It's not monsters...So we now leave the door open and let her know we're right across the hall and not to worry. Is this just a phase?

3. When she doesn't get what she wants, she'll throw things or pout, have a fit...I just don't know what to do about this...I try to give her options but it doesn't always work.

If you've read all of this, thank you for taking the time to read it. Basically I am starting to find that I'm almost at my wits end and I don't know if by continuing this relationship, I might find myself no longer being the fun loving carefree person I used to once be. It's challenging enough to be in a relationship with a guy who has a nutty ex and 2 wonderful kids...I only get one chance in life and I'm stuck on whether to stay or go and I don't want to waste anyones time. At least the b/f has many new tools to work with and he is very nurturing to everyone in distress as I help in every way I can because I adore him and the kids. But my health is going down the drain and sometimes I wonder if Post Pardom Depression can onset as a step parent. I do love him and we still click and fit date nights in. I just don't know what to do. Help?