You need to make a comment on Facebook that you are absolutely exhasuted taking care of her dad. Wished that he was well enough to go do something like that. Make it upbeat. She will probably block you. But, I would say something. I took care of my first husband without a lot of help. Help that came my way was not very helpful.

He died from Skin Cancer and it was long and painful. I hear your exhaustion. Trust me, this girl will tell everyone who will listen, how much she is doing for you. I was amazed by that. I did say something to my SIL's once that what they were doing was not helpful, stop mailing him stuff, just come and sit with him for a few hours so I can take a break. Never happened for me.

You need to just let her go and realize she is not there for you. When hospital visits come up, just make it clear that you don't just circle around for the really bad stuff. You have to be there for the day-to-day stuff. You can leave after you have said hello to your Dad. Move her along. It is so hard for the Caregiver when everyone feels they have to show because he is in the hospital. That is the time, that you do not need that kind of help.

Hard part for you is it is your DH's child and he wants to see her. But, he knows who is doing for him. Being a caregiver is so hard. Can you look into some of the other charities or home health care to give you some relief?

I do not have any good lines for you, but I do feel for you. I can only imagine how hard it must be... Sending you huggs!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I know how hard it is since I was the primary caregiver for my Dad when he was dying of cancer. She sounds like a real piece of work and, frankly, she probably wouldn't be much help to you if she did ever show up to give you a break. Maybe his other 3 kids can help out a bit. Or I would check with local social services to see if they have any programs that might offer some relief. Another idea is to check with your church (if you go to church) because they might be able to help out as well.
I think I agree that I would post something on her FB page too. What a brat. Something like "It would be great if you could spend some time with your Dad, he really would like to see you and I could really use a small break. I don't want to mess up your plans, but don't you think this is a bit more important?"
We sure have raised a worthless bunch, haven't we?

I know how tired you are, how much you are hurting, and how much you need help. I've been there. My first husband died of cancer, and I was the primary caregiver, also. Fortunately, we did have a strong support group and had friends and family (and a grown daughter) to help us out...it's still not easy. You need to find someone (hospice?) to give you a break, even if it's for an hour a day. You just need to have time for YOU or you will burn out and won't be good to anyone! I will tell you, when his time comes (and it WILL come) you will know that you did everything you could for him.

Now, as for the step daughter, she needs a swift kick in the keester. When you said,

"The difference between my husband and I is, I am not afraid to say my kids disappoint me, and tell them, they disappoint me.
I absolutely can't stand the sight of this woman..",

I knew exactly what you meant. I don't even want to imagine if DH became ill because I KNOW his kids couldn't care less, but he thinks the world of them. And, yes, I tell my daughter all the time that I'm her mother until one of us dies, and she knows I mean it! DH, on the other hand, wouldn't say "boo" to his kids if they were in prison! God forbid should their feelings be hurt!

It's a shame his daughter is missing out on the last precious moments of her father's life. She WILL regret it someday. Let her be. Find a support group for yourself. I KNOW you have super powers to get through this!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this without much help. I also live with a narcissistic sd, and she is a nightmare. I learned long ago not to expect anything out of her-not even a thank you because I likely won't get it anyway.

I hate to say this, but I would just accept the lack of help as the way she is. I would also brace yourself. I don't think that she will get any better.

Sending you lots of hugs!

You cannot do this!!! Your own health is going to suffer if you continue. This is too much for you emotionally. It is very had dealing with someone who is sick like your husband and sounds like your SD is extrememly selfish and self centered but you don't have to play her game. You don't have to be mean, doesn't sound like you are the type but when she calls next time needing your help you need to ask yourself if it is something you really want to do, realizing there will be no return for you. If she does not want to see her father, I would not even ask her to be a part or keep her informed. My husband's son have been the same with him and I would not contact them at all if he feel sick.

If you like to read, there's a book that helped me a great deal that I would like to suggest: "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr Wayne W Dyer. You need to take your life back and I think this book might be one step in the right direction to do just that. Best to you!

What you did for her daughter probably saved her daughter's character. Doing good things for people make you a better person. The sd is has used you and tossed you. When she gets tossed, do not make the same allowances and help her again.

You are taking wonderful care of your husband. I hope you are doing some things for you also. You have needs too and I hope you work on getting what you need as well.

If it is getting to you too much, hide the feed for sd on facebook until you become interested in her again. We raise kids to be independent from us, and she is at the moment. Enjoy her being gone and being supported by some other unlucky person, rather than her darkening your door again!!!

I know you must get tired and things bother you more when you're tired. Hope this helps.

ALL I CAN SAY IS HUGS TO YOU. HE IS A LUCKY MAN TO HAVE YOU SINCE THERE IS NO TELLING HOW HE WOULD SURVIVE IF DEPENDANT ON THIS DAUGHTER. I AM ESTRANGED FROM MY DEAR HUSBANDS CHILDREN. I HAVE BURIED 1 HUSBAND MANY YEARS AGO. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT NEXT TIME AROUND I WILL NOT TAKE IN TO CONSIDERATION ANYTHING HUSBANDS FAMILY THINKS THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO DEMAND CONCERNING A FUNERAL. LAST HUSBANDS FAMILY PLANNED THE FUNERAL TO THEIR LIKING. I PAID THE BILL. THEN THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. NOW FOR THIS HUSBAND I WILL HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. LAST TIME HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR HEART STENTS I IGNORED THEIR CALLS AND HANDED HIM THE PHONE TO CALL THEM LATER IN THE DAY. I REMEMBER SEEING A SAYING ONCE, SOMETHING ABOUT "BE GOOD TO YOUR CHILDREN- THEY CHOOSE THE NURSING HOME YOU WILL LIVE IN" MADE ME THINK "BE GOOD TO YOUR STEP MOM--SHE WILL DECIDE IF YOU KNOW DAD IS SICK, DAD DIED OR WHERE THE FUNERAL IS AT.