DH FINALLY blasted SS about his lack of responsibility!
so Dh took SS 11.5 and SD 12.5 skiing yesterday. The ski resort is over an hour away from our house. So... my DH pulls in last night about 7:30 pm NOT a happy camper. I said "What happened and why are you so late??"
DH says he would have been home over an hour ago, except that when they got about 20 minutes from our house, DH just happened to ask SS if he had his snowboard. SS does the deer in the headlights, looks like he just woke up from a drunken stupor look and DH has to turn around, drive all the way back to the ski resort, which is now closed, walk back through the complex and LUCKILY SS snowboard was still there! DH told him on the way back that if he was not there that they were done skiing for the year. He said he also had a big talk with them both about their lack of responsibility. DH told them it is NOT HIS responsibility to remind them of everything, to baby them and make sure they have things, remember things etc.
I told him I was proud of him and that is exactly what I was trying to tell him a couple of weeks ago when Skids were over and they leave empty food packages in the cupboards, empty water bottles on the table etc. At the time DH says "Oh, they are 11 and 12 they don't think about these things" I told him that was ridiculous, they are not 3 and 4 and they need to START acting their age. So I think last night DH finally got it.... if they can't even be held accountable to throw away a bottle when they are done with it, or put their dishes in the sink, they how in Gods name are they going to be responsible enough to do anything that requires one miniscule shred of responsibility??? Hopefully DH will stick to his guns on this.. but I'm not holding my breath just yet.
DaizyDuke, YES!! Soooo happy
DaizyDuke, YES!! Soooo happy for you!!!
Is there something going around lately that the DH's are starting to grow balls and actually starting to PARENT their kids???
Your DH actually had a talk with them about RESPONSIBILITY (their lack thereof)?!?! OMG, those poor, poor COD's!!! What a horrible, psychologically abusive father they have - doing such a HORRIBLE thing!! (sarcasm dripping)
I just posted something similar a few minutes ago - about my FDH & one of several conversations he has recently had with my fskids (FINALLY) about being grateful for whatever he can AFFORD to buy them for Christmas (he pays MASSIVE CS$$$ to BM even though he shares true 50/50 joint custody of fskids with BM). They seem to think (in their delusional minds that BM has PAS'd them to death with) that "MOMMY always buys EVERYTHING for us & Christmas gifts with HER MONEY" (naturally implying that my FDH NEVER spends $$$ on them and is "cheap". Hmmmm.....wonder where they get THAT from???).
I am SOOOOOO incredibly proud of your DH, too!!!! Maybe, just maybe, he is FINALLY starting to come around and see what you are talking about with the empty food packages, wrappers, water bottles, etc..!!!
Slowly, slowly...wait a minute, slowly, wait, wait some more (sound of crickets). LOL!!!
You should do something extra nice/special for your DH - positive reinforcement!!!!
They seem to think (in their
They seem to think (in their delusional minds that BM has PAS'd them to death with) that "MOMMY always buys EVERYTHING for us & Christmas gifts with HER MONEY" (naturally implying that my FDH NEVER spends $$$ on them and is "cheap".
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this ticks me off to no end... I also had this conversation with my DH... MONEY SHOULD NOT= LOVE! If he thinks his kids are only going to love him or supposedly love him more because he buys them every little thing their hearts desire then that is sad.... and also contributing to their lack of resposibility/appreciation for what they DO have. But of course BM always makes it into a contest with him.... when she comes around begging for extra money she always has to throw in DH's face all of the things that she has spent money on like she's mother of the year or something.... um hello... you are SS mother... wouldn't you be happy to buy him school clothes, instrument lessons, school pictures etc.?? Oh wait, I forgot that takes away from HER clothes, dinner out, movies, etc budget.
Exactly, DaizyDuke,
Exactly, DaizyDuke, exactly.
I have absolutely NO CLUE whatsoever why it is SO FREAKIN HARD for these DH's to teach their kids some responsibility, some accountability, some appreciation for what they already HAVE?!?!
"I also had this conversation with my DH...MONEY SHOULD NOT=LOVE!" Love this part. We recently had a similar conversation with fskids over dinner. I suggested that we all forgo Christmas gifts this year - and instead, go serve food at a soup kitchen/homeless shelter for Christmas (which I myself have never done, but would happily do so). FDH played along with me and agreed, just to see their reactions. We were trying to teach the skids the TRUE MEANING of CHRISTMAS. That it is NOT ALL ABOUT GETTING AS MANY GIFTS AS POSSIBLE.
FSD16: "OMG, we would, like, not get ANY GIFTS?!? Well, then we wouldn't have ANY gift opening on Christmas morning!!" (as if I'm implying something totally insane and I'm stupid, like "Duh"). "No way. I'd go to the soup kitchen AFTER I opened all my gifts first." (hello? did she miss the part where we would FOREGO the Christmas gifts?!?).
FSS13 was like "No way to the soup kitchen thing. That's weird. I want to open gifts on Christmas."
Then they proceed to walk away leaving empty food wrappers, drink cups/bottles, dirty napkins on the table after dinner. FDH made them come back & clean up their messes. I'm sure they got right on their cell phones/BM hotline after that and texted BM all about the CRAZY MILOMOM wanting them to actually FOREGO Christmas gifts to help others that are poor/in need.
GRRRR....
Crayon, I agree - it HAS to
Crayon, I agree - it HAS to be humiliating for them. I think that's why they're so DEFENSIVE of their "perfect kids" that "never do anything wrong...intentionally, anyway". It's a classic defense mechanism. They KNOW it is totally embarrassing, so they ACT like their kids are "normal", make sense??
Also, in my FDH's case, he grew up in a broken home (his dad left his mom when FDH was a teenager & with 10 kids) and his Dad really did NOTHING for the family after he left and they divorced. So, he's "overcompensating" for what his Dad did to him, maybe??
So, he's "overcompensating"
So, he's "overcompensating" for what his Dad did to him, maybe??
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without a doubt!!!! My DH's father left when he was a baby and he never heard another word from him. I KNOW that DH over-does for the skids because of this. As he has said he wants to be a better father than what he ever had. I kind of can't blame him, but he needs to reach a happy medium and again... the amount of money he spends should not be equal to the amount of love/attention the skids give him in return.. that's BM psychology 101 crap!