I need to vent (quite long).... I have been married twice

#1 dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant with my son. I later found out (from wife #2) that he had affairs all through the 3 years we were married.

#2 I dumped him because he wanted us to become swingers and betrayed me with his best friend's wife. ALso he allowed his son to sexually abuse my baby.

All through this, a total of 12 years, I NEVER EVER had an affair or even put myself in a position where I might behave inappropriately. Yes, I was lonely, yes I longed for someone to sweep me off my feet, but I never acted on it. I stayed in my 2nd marriage for 6 years after his indiscretion to try to make it work, we went for couselling but nothing changed.

Now I am with the man of my dreams, my soulmate, who suffered under a wife who slept with every one from his best friend, to his employees. Yet now he takes it out on me. He doesnt trust me. if he phones me and I am in the shower or my phone is giving trouble (has no reception), he FREAKS. He acts all pissed off and angry with me, like Í've done something wrong...like I am cheating on him. He always wants to know where I am going, how long I will be and then throws in a comment "you with your boyfriend, hey!" In the beginning it was quite funny, but after 5 years it is really getting old and stale. I can't stand it anymore! If I tell him this, he tells me to dump him because he's a 'stuff up '.... WTF! We really love each other, but this is the one thing that really gets to me because I am not the type of person who would cheat in a relationship..I respect the other person too much. I would rather break it off with that person first. He knows that he has trust issues, and he knows that he needs therapy but he won't go..."oh we can't afford it" is all I hear. He is lying next to me in bed now (after I locked up the house, put the kids to bed and came to bed myself, he's here with the lights off curled up in a ball, no 'good night everyone' I know he has toothache, he won't go to a dentist (we don't have insurance anyway) but his teeth are crumbling due to anti-biotics when he was a kid, so he has acknowleged he needs false teeth, but yet he will not go to a dentist, even if just to have the f*cker tooth out that is causing him pain (this has been going on for months now!)

Along with this I have to deal with his turd-brained son who acts like a moron eventhough I suspect he is not (although the jury is not out on that one yet!) How many times do you need to tell a 14 y/o to throw his acne face-wipes in the bin and NOT in my car or in the yard??? WTF!

I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

I am also not well...I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and am on medication, but cannot afford the Psychiatrist visits every month (1K per visit). So instead I take my pills, do yoga and come here every while to try to cope.

Our sex-life is up to maggots because he has an inguinal hernia (groin)and as a result he has a premature ejaculation problem. It doesn't worry me really as much as it worries him, but I think that it has affected our sex-drives enormously. I am not being satified and he knows that, but I don't say anything to him. I can go without sex for ages, have in the past after I left my ex and in between meeting FDH ( for about 18 months). He won't have his hernia sorted out (It is huge!) for a couple of reasons..1)he's scared 2) we don't have medical insurance & 3)government hospitals are so bad here that people die in the passages waiting for beds and no-one notices until the smell is too bad to take!

I am quite a patient person and I can take a lot, but I am at the end of my rope now with all this.

Sorry...don't expect a response...just needed to get that off my chest. Feel a bit better already...just despondent.

MG