Help me am I just being to critical
a step mother as well as a mother to my son. The problerms lie at being a step mother. Her mother threw her out of the house at 15 because of her ways. I took my then partners daughter in to my own home of which I didnt share with her father. It was then that we all decided to live together. Whilst living in my home his daughter was one of as close to an angel as you could get but it was short lived when we decided to move to wales and get a house together. It was like I walked through the front door to a new step daughter. Her father would allow her to go out and do as she pleased at 15 because he was scared of checking up of where she said she was staying because of the reaction he got from his daughter the first time he did do so. She liedof where she said she was going but her dad wouldnt challange her on this because she would give a verbal abuse to her father up set him then ignore everyone in the house for weeks at a time. At 17 it was all getting out of hand and I said that it wasnt a good impression for my 12 year old son to be seeing.. I decided that I wanted a time kerfew of 2am. Her father gave her this kerfew but did not stick to it. She wud stop out till 5am/6am. Her father never challanged her on this. She didnt work she finished a hair dressing course at college a year and half ago at 18. She got a job which lasted 2 weeks and she walked out and claimed job seekers using bullying at work for why she left. She gained a one day a week job in a local salon where she got to have a great boss who used her shop at night as a drug den. which got busted. She hangs out with all the local drug dealers. Her father again wouldnt challange her on this but one night she came home in middle of night and the guys car she got out of sat in the street beeping his horn till she got in house. Her father challanged her on this and the abuse that came from her mouth was disgusting and her father backed down. My son was woke with this and this made me angry so I challanged her on the disrespect she was showing her father only for her to launch at me fists ahead and launched a mobile phone in my face. I did retaliate at this without thinking temper made me hit her back once as her father was jus standing there watching his daughter hit me in shock. He then hugged her because I had done something I am not proud of as I dont beleave in violence. Its not just that her grandma knows everythin that goeson in our home even with the extra lieing details for grandma to feel sorry for her. I have tried telling her dad not to give her anything till she starts showing respect to people. He has bought her a 2 grand car set her up with all that she needs for mobile hairdressing got lots of leaflets printed for her to post to start herself up in business but she refused to post the leaflets so my now husband paid my son to post the leaflets for her. When she got phone calls to do hair she would refuse just so she could go out with her mates stay out all night and come home in the morning and sleep all day. She does nothing to help in the house and her dad doesnt make her pay board because she is on the dole. What would other people do with this matter???
This is what I fight to
This is what I fight to struggle with. I was bought up in a broken home but I never punished ppl around for what I went through I just knew it was up to myself to make happiness. I work 2 jobs and pay half towards the house and she refuses to show the slightest of respect towards me. My hubby his mum and I struggle to be on the same page and that is why she has a free reign to manipulate situations to make people feel sorry for her. She has a far easier life than I did at her age. The only rules we set is to either pay board or do some house work to help out whilst we are at work. BUT she refuses to help and has told her gran and dad that she not clean up after my son and I. Now understandable if we were both a pair of scruufy tramps but in fact the only jobs we have asked her to do is poilsh and vac the dining room and lounge. The arguments in my home are perthetic. Her father does not like taknig board and nor do i realy but I have forced the issue with many a discussions explaining that he needs to enforce that she either helps through respect for what I do do for the house or she pays board. Of which has finaly turned to board like a few times b4 and she wont give it till her father asked for it and he wont ask for it an will forget about it till I say board and it ends up in another debate and people gettin up set. I understand that my hubby is in a hard place but I struggle to settle when he allows her to be a spoilt bratt and all along my son is seeing this and is trying some of the same answering back but my husband and i put him rite. My husband is afraid to challange his daughter on anything and when he does he will txt it to her even if she is up stairs because he is scared on ow she will react if he simply went to her room and sed to her come on help out do a bit of house work, I use to say tht he shud go to her not txt but I also have txt if she leaves a mess I will txt her in the most nicest of ways to ask her to come and tidy it as I am also afraid of her reaction for her fathers sake but if it was down to me I wud go to her and I wud most def not allow her to talk to me an her dad in the way she does, at the same time Im scared of chastising my son for something he sees sd get away with incase he rebells. I have felt like leaving on many occassions and infact it gets me down sometimes cus my hubby allows sd to have more of a say than me and he does allow her to slag me down and he wont correct her behavior until it has pushed me as far as to thinking it better I go. Im too old for all this ow long will this go on for if i stay. She makes me feel that uncomfortable in my own home at times if im going to make tea and sd is in the kitchen I will wait till she has finished and left the room because she would stand there and ignore me...Ive tried me breaking the ice when it like this but I get snubbed or a snappy one word answer back and as I keep telling my hubby a person can only keep trying for so long and 5 years has had it toll on me when I know it will always be this way...
I didnt file for the simple
I didnt file for the simple reason I did retaliate after she had punched me a few times an launched a mobile phone in my face. I was heart broken that I had retreated to something that I far from agree with which is violence. Althought it was a natural reaction and I didnt even know I dun it till i heard the contact I was shocked and disgusted in my self. Im lost in how I should think now. I love my hubby but wonder if this will ever change and like you I agree until he gets a pair of balls and stands up to her things will never change. He makes a better father to my son as he does check him when he is doing wrong. My son has far more respect for him than his own child. But when sd bats her tearful eyes at him he falls soft at her. I dnt want her to be thrown out I dont want to live like this but all I have ever asked for is a little respect for what I do do for this house. Am I fighting a never ending battle I dont know...Will my love for my husband help me through this well Im begining to think no because no matter how much love ther is between him and me this house will never give me what I need to be happy and that is for my hubby to stand his ground with her. Im close to loseing myself. I find my self crying and have to ask my self why and it all cus this house is perthetic. Sd will always see it as her an her dad and my son and I are outcasts. Im aware tht it up to my hubby to change this but she is one stubborn hard headed character and I am stronger than my hubby he is to (ohh if she dont show you respect then you dont show it her) but then wen Im cooking a sunday dinner he feels sad tht she not getting one an ask me to make her one because after she hit me I refuse to do any cooking or washing for her...I have on a few occassions made her meal to see if she will help me but was I suprised when she didnt no beacuse I kno her all to well.take take take and giv naf all
Another thing is sd father
Another thing is sd father and her mother split whn sd was 2yrs old. she ran to granma an dad telling lies about her mum on how bad her mum treat her. the same sort of lies of which she now tells granma about her us. My husband and I are well aware of this now but it jus seems my husband lets it go over his head but it not as easy for me as most the lies are about me and then I get grandma beeing very cold towards me as SD has asked grandma not to say what has been said. I ask my inlaw why she being cold to me this is when grandma will tell me what SD has sed. When I ask hubby to ask SD why she keeps coming out with these lies he wont so as to not cause arguments. I ended up visiting a councellor because all this made me feel very low and the counsellor was willing to set up counselling for SD but hubby refused point blank. She loses all her friends on a regular basis and gose crying to her dad. Dont get me wrong I think at time SD is a real nice girl but I just think it time dad took some steps on challanging her ways as she is becoming to be a a very disliked person through out her life. I think if left un challanged she will never learn tht this behaviour of lieing to ppl about other ppl to get other sympathy is going to make her continue as she runs back to granma and dad and they jus go out and giv her money or buy her things cus they feel sorry for her and they beleave tht all her friends pick on her when we have heard her on phone to friends slagging another friend down. Her behaviour for an almost 20yr old is some what childish but gone unchecked I believe this will never stop. She is a bright girl she got 8GCSE but doesnt understand tht it her lies tht is causing most her problerms. But in the mean time because she hears me arguing with her dad because she continues to ignore me or walks past me with her nose in the air or telling lies about only makes matters worse in our house. AND the only time she smile is when she hears her father an me argue.