SD8 shrieking defiant monster - REWARDED!
Long vent and I'm so mad its hard to type.
So Dh comes home at the very moment SD8 and SS11 are having a tug of war with the "kids laptop". An expensive peice of machinery, right? They are screaming, tussling, yanking on laptop. I go outside and tell Dh please get in here quick your kids are going nuts. He goes over and tries to stop them, says sternly "stop it" "let go of that" over and over, they both scream "i had it first!" etc.
(neither had it first. they both got to it at the exact same time. i was like 10 feet away). after watching DS have no success with getting either to let go of the damn laptop or stop screaming over each other, I step in and say "hey! SD8 and SS11, go to your rooms for 5 minutes to calm down!". SS11 goes. SD8 refuses. DH finally says "if you don't go it's going to be longer..." "now its going to be 15 mins"...etc. SD8 just sits there with a bratty look shaking her head.
He finally takes her by the arm and get her into room. she SCREAMS and shrieks "let me go!!! let me go!!!" over and over for the next 5 minutes straight(no exaggeration, it went on and on. the girl has lungs), scratching DH's arm, beating on her bedroom door. he finally escapes her room. she comes out early. runs around house, locks herself in bathroom. get put back in room. etc.
THEN SHE COMES OUT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AND ASKS FOR DESSERT.
Before he can reply I walk away because I want to slap her bratty face and of course that would be BAD, I'm thinking.
A while later he comes to our room where I am. She follows and says, "can i have ice cream" followed by "will you play a game with me" and he says "sure".
OMG! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I talked to him about the fact that he shouldn't be rewarding this horrible behavior. He said, "well she finished her 15 minute time out (which with all the fuss and trauma probably took over 30 minutes to accomplish) and her attitude improved." Hello, so just forget about the screaming, scratching, door pounding, laptop abusing? Forget about the fact that she RUINED my appetite with all the trauma and drama and shreiking?
If it were my kid who did all that and then asked for ice cream and a game I'd say, "i don't think you deserve those things after what you put everyone through earlier". I'm not even going to ask if I am wrong or off base here on this, because I KNOW i'm not taking crazy pills!!! AAggghhh!!
When we were little, and my
When we were little, and my sisters and I would be fighting just like that - cats and dogs. And my older sister used to beat the crap out of me!! My father would get us to separate and then - HE WOULD MAKE US KISS AND HUG AND MAKE UP. My mom laughed and said she hated it because she knew that we were ready to still kill each other. But my father would make us stand there and say our sorry and hug. And then we would get sent to our rooms for fighting. Hahaha - what a way to torture kids, huh??
That's hilarious. My friend's
That's hilarious. My friend's mom used to make her and her siblings stand there hugging each other for fifteen minutes straight if they had been fighting. If they let go from the hug, they had to start over. hahahaha. They hated it, so I guess it worked.
I've seen my BF do this
I've seen my BF do this before. If the kids get REALLY bad (this has only happened once or twice) he makes them sit and hold hands for fifteen minutes. If they fight, it's fifteen more minutes. It worked pretty well. I was shocked that they could actually sit still that long in the first place, considering their ages (3 & 8 ). I had to leave the room so I didn't burst out laughing. I thought they were going to burn holes through their hands.
I can relate to RTK...my SD
I can relate to RTK...my SD could get in trouble for something, be sent to her room and she would literally shake the house with hitting the walls or door or whatever. Once her punishment was over...DH would be all smiles and giggles.
IMHO, the punishment is good, but are we teaching the kids about lasting effects of whatever it is they have done, if, the moment punishment is over, it's as if nothing ever happened? Example only: if skid breaks a momento or family heirloom or something really important and goes to timeout/bedroom/whatever. After that punishment is done...does it help me get over what was done if DH and skid is acting like nothing happened? What if the infraction was a physical harm and the result was a bruise on another person? Does the punishment take away the pain or the fear that it could leave if all is "good" once the punishment is over?
What about this instance...my SD told her BM that I drug her up the stairs by her hair and slammed her into a wall. The only punishment she got was a stern talking to by DH for lying. If SD had told a teacher...or if her BM would have called the cops...would that "punishment" have made everything better if I were arrested or lost custody of my own child?
I think some parents need to do a better job of teaching their children that some behaviors have long lasting effects. I am not really into guilt tripping my daughter along with discipline, but I don't "forgive and forget" either....
I know how that is...BF
I know how that is...BF daugher acts absolutely horrible and after getting yelled at...she cries...BF has to go and console her and act like HE was in the wrong....ABSOLUTELY ABSURD. I can not believe how manipulative these young children are sometimes and how easily their parents are blinded by it. I would never let my Bio's get away with that bull because I wanted them to be productive adults...they sure tried a few times but there is no way I would have ever let them be in control over me...that is crazy.