I totally understand. I have this issue regularly with SD13's BM. She knows damn well that I will get anything that SD13 needs so she just doesnt get her anything. I have been in SD13's life for four years. The first year we did 50/50 school clothes and her BM bought her school supplies. The 2nd year same. Year 3 she decided to see what would happen if she pulled the "I dont have the money card" and guess what I took SD shopping and bought all of her school clothes and school supplies, the same happened last year and I know it will again this year. I have been putting money aside for a cpl months in anticipation. I dont think it's fair that I have to foot the entire bill but alas I will not let my SD go without. Also she prefers to go with me because as she told me her moms idea of school shopping is taking her to walmart and telling her ok pick out 3 pairs of jeans, 5 shirts, 2 bra's, a bag of underwear and a bag of socks. Walaa school shopping is done. Being 13 she is not a fan of that. She knows if I take her I will take her to the mall which she much perfers so even if her mom wants to take her (which she wont) she will still ask me to take her either in addition or instead. Just this year BM has pulled this same card at Christmas (barrowing money from me to get presents for SD and her sibs) and then at her Bday party where we agreed to split the costs at the last min. she just said she didnt have the money and I had to choose to foot the bill or cancel the party the day before. Obviously I was not going to do that so I paid the entire 500.00+. There is no magical solution and that is frustrating. The only thing I look forward to is when SD13 is an adult and looks back and remembers all that I did for her because I loved her. Her being grown seems like a long way off though.

I don't know what the solution is, but when/if you find it, please let me know! My husband pays out $500 a month to SS8 BM and it's still not enough for her. She complains that she doesn't have the money either... she also just spent $130,000 having another baby with her new husband... invitro, early delivery, the whole 9 yards. This was about the time she was writing to DSS and filling out affidavits saying that children were too expensive and that my husband should be paying her more. Well, excuse me, but if children are soooooooo expensive, then why is she having more!!!!

But I digress... this BM drives me crazy with all her "I don't have any money" routines. Her husband doesn't make a lot of money and she is a freelance photographer who doesn't get a lot of work... #1 because she isn't that good and #2 she lives in a small town and relies on her business cards being in prom shops to get business. Her and her husband also bought a house above their salaries and have a used (new to them) vehicle. But it seems like she wants my husband to pay for her lifestyle. Not only that but she bums free meals off of my husband from his family's restaurants as well as the restaurant chain that he is currently working for... PLUS she still uses my husband's family's beach house every year! Talk about a gravy train!

She totally takes advantage of my husband and I can't stand it. She has threatened to take him back to court before and to not let him see his son, etc. etc. so that is why I think he tries so hard to keep her happy. Can't imagine what she's going to do in 9 years when that gravy train comes to a screeching halt!

JMO.. SS is 15, explain it to him, tell him you dont want him to go without but you dont want to go without either.. his dad pays xxx amount in support a week, and paying for ALL of the extras is something you are just not gonna do while his mom pays for nothing. at some point he should take that up with his mom.
My skids are with their mom, DH had yesterday off and was gonna take them shopping, asked BM if he could take them and she said they said they didnt want to go shopping, she said she would buy all of their school clothes.. and she refused to bring them home
1. dh works alot of weekends, and had yesterday off
2. dh was being nice by asking, she has no set visitation, dh could have demanded they be back here at a certain time and there is nothing she could do about it.
so we decided that they are gonna have to take it up wiht her when the school clothes never show up.. just like the past 5 yrs, including the 500 layaway she had for them.. never got them... they knew it was the only time their dad could go, they chose something and thats the way its gonna be... sooner or later we have to stop making up for where she leaves off.. and you should too.. that would be an issue for ss and his mom.. maybe your DH could say he has 1/2 the money for sports or whatever..and leave it at that.. if she dont have the other 1/2 ss can be upset with her, but explain it to him first.

Geez...Nobody gets a raise when their kid needs clothes, school supplies, etc...what happens is that you budget and cut down on extras to buy those things that are a need...I'm not sure why people receiving CS feel entitled to say "I don't have the money" so that someone else buys it for them...

Crazy witch did this ONCE...and DH said NO...thank God...he did buy the kid a 50USD pair of tennis shoes for school, because BM demanded he buy a specific brand/style, etc...this while DH had no job and I was paying CS...that was the LAST time...That is what CS is for...

Good luck...I think that the 15yr old needs to understand that your DH pays X amount and BM X amount, same as if they were in an intact household and if there's no money, there's no money...

PS - just like truant two months ago telling DH off because she wanted money for "school clothes" because she was saving CS for something else...sure...hmmm...because her mom had two other kids to support and didn't have money...funny, but about a week later her sister posted "my mom got me tickets to go see Justin Bieber", a few weeks later "my mom got me a bunch of Hollister shirts...mood SPOILED", and just a week ago BM posted "my hubby is great, we got tickets to X concert and we're going in a couple of weeks"...ah yes, and by the way, her 8yr old child was sent out of the country to visit grandma for a month...and truant wrote last week "went to Babies R US and had so much fun with my baby daddy" (buying stuff for baby) ...funny how she has no money...gotta love it...

We paid $2700 a month is support before we got custody of my stepkids. And it still wasn't enough. She was constantly calling and asking for more. We didn't want the kids to go without, so we paid. No matter how much money we sent above the $2700 required, it was never enough. We finally had to cut her off. Of course, she told the kids that we weren't paying. We simply said that we had sent mom a check (totally true...she did get the child support check) and that we had no control over what she did with it.

2700? We've had to live off 1600 a month, 3 of us, w/a special needs kiddo w/no assistance from anyone and paying speech therapy, etc...what is wrong w/these women?

2700 or 1600 a month.. BM pay 200 a month and claims that is MORE than enough to get 2 kids what they need.. when she is asked to pay 1/2 of them signing up for a sport, she says "I paid my money, use that"...
She will do nothing above or beyond that! Its not like she is even paying back the money she stole from her job! I guess we should give her a break though cuz her craigslist boyfriend isnt working and she is supporting him and his kids...
Actually the only reason she has had a job for almost a yr (woohoo) is because at her last contempt for not paying CS the judge told her that if she does not hold this job she will go to jail for 6 months, only getting out to look for work..she has a few yrs history of getting the job to get out of the contempt then quitting.

BM is the CP and it is HER responsibility to provide school supplies, sports dues, housing, clothes, food, etc.......................... for the child that she has custody of.

Your DH pays CS which is his contribution to supporting his child and CS should be used by BM to help cover school supplies, sports dues, housing, clothes, food, etc........ and ...... you and DH provide for SS-15 when he is in your home. DH does not call BM for money when SS-15 is visiting DHs home so why should BM call when she is the CP and the kid is with her?????????

Sounds logical to me.

Best regards.