Have reached the end of my rope...thinking of tying a noose!
If you were me...
What would you do with a child who simply won't be disciplined?!?!?
SD11 has been tested and re-tested...
Not ADD
Not ADHD
Not aspergers
Not cerebral palsy
Seemingly...just a f*cking brat.
She won't do anything (even to take something to another room) that I request of her.
She won't do any chores (or at least not on time or correctly)
She won't speak in anything but a tiny-two-year old voice when grudgingly addressing me. (even though she speaks normally to all others...unless I am there.)
She refuses to keep her room clean. (not just messy, we're talking hidden rotting food here.)
She is not confronting...more passive-aggressive and manipulative.
She doesn't throw fits or swear and yell...just slowly sucks the life out of everyone around her until none of us want anything to do with her.
Have tried EVERYTHING!
(except spanking…cause I live in England)
Positive reinforcements, charts and rewards, leaving her out of family activities, taking things/privileges away, grounding, time-outs, early bedtimes, even removed everything but bed and clothes for school from her room and made her earn them back. (she never earned them back BTW)
None of the above made any difference to her behaviour at all...except the positive reinforcement, which actually made things worse.
Have taken her to not one, not two, but three different counsellors...to no avail.
She seems to have no conscience.
No regret.
No sense of right from wrong, just what she wants - when she wants it - the way she wants it.
I am afraid.
If she is like this now…
How will life be in a couple of years when hormones & teenage-hood takes hold???
How much wider will the gulf between her father and I get due to her and her behavior? (I have disengaged and he hates it, thinks it makes the awful atmosphere of animosity even worse)
Not fair to her older sister who lives with us.
Not fair to us as this is keeping us from having any child(ren) together.
Not fair for the holidays we miss because none of us want to go with her.
Not fair for the dinnertime we spend in front of the tv instead of around the table cause none of us wants to deal with her.
I am tired too.
Should I just run now and cut my losses???
Have I just wasted another precious, never-to-be-gotten-back 4 years of my life???
What would I be leaving for???
I don’t want to be alone…both my bio-girls are grown and gone now.
Who else would ever want an over 40, disillusioned, slightly chubby, fed-up me???
Feeling very sorry for myself.
Pity-party…seating for one please!
maybe she's depressed?
maybe she's depressed?
Not according to the three
Not according to the three counsellor’s we took her to.
She was only 5 when her mother died...and by the opinion of everyone who knew BM, her fav daughter was the elder one by far. (Thought that was pretty sad when I first heard it...now understand and sort of commiserate with BM completely!)
I've been told SD11 had almost no reaction to biomom's death; it just didn't really affect her life all that much.
I would love it if she were just depressed...cause there are pills for that!
Hey…maybe I’m depressed and should get some pills of my own huh???
Lol
"Who else would ever want an
"Who else would ever want an over 40, disillusioned, slightly chubby, fed-up me???"
Plenty of men!!!
And lemme tell you a secret...
There are sooooo many men who PREFER chubby women.
If you think you need to go, go. Don't EVER stay because you think no one else will want you. If this one did, then so will another.
Lostandalone, I'm sorry you
Lostandalone,
I'm sorry you are going through this. You and her dad seemed to have done your homework to have her checked for certain problems and have also taken her to a therapist three times. I certainly don't mean to sound harsh or rude in any way, but one thing came to mind. Could she be a sociopath? You mentioned no conscience. She is only 11 and I'm not sure what age those signs would start to be obvious. You also mentioned that positive reinforcement and punishment has done nothing to curb her behavior. That seems odd for an 11 year old. You'd think that something would trigger a change in behavior to some degree. There is a book called the Sociopath Next Door. My good friend told me about it as her deceased FIL was a Sociopath and she was enlightened by reading the book. Again, it sounds weird to say something so harsh about an 11 year old and I do not mean to offend in any way. Just something that crossed my mind. :?
I personally have no issues
I personally have no issues with a parent spanking a child that belongs to them. In this case, that would be the DH. With SD being 11 & possibly already experiencing some hormone changes, etc, it seems kind of on a weird line, to me, for a father to spank his 11-year old daughter...especially not knowing if there is some sort of health/mental issue with her.
OMG, sound's like you are
OMG, sound's like you are living my life! My boyfriend's daughter is 12. Constantly steal's, compulisively lie's, and honestly when you look at her she has NO REMORSE for anything she does. You can take everything she own's away and she just does not care. She has gone to the school and lied and told the teacher her Dad punched her, they checked her and realized she was lying, no bruises or anything. I have 2 daughter's myself I cannot say that I have never gave my own kid's a spanking but it is rare. With her though everyone say's she need's a good old fashioned spanking. You can't do it with her. She say's if my Dad ever hit's me I will call the police and put him in jail. Which just infuriate's me. Who does this kid think she is. She has tried to light my bathroom wall on fire, BF just say's well I know its serious but she just burnt it some, on top of it her reasoning was it made her feel better. Then were watching tv one day and she get's up during a commercial like she was going to get a drink of something and walk's up to my cat sleeping on the back of the couch and start's punching it. Of course she say's I don't know why I did it. I feel like I am living in the dang twilight zone. This kid will not shower on a consistent basis. I think she is a sociopath, BF just say's no it's just a phase. I've been living with the same phase for 6 year's. I am sleeping with one eye open at night. BF is currently living with his Mom, begging to come home. Im afraid to do it, also afraid financially for myself and two daughter's. Cant decide which is the lesser of the two evil's!!!!