tell me .. am I wrong?
I would like your honest opinions about this...
but I feel since husbands daughter is now working and has an income
( she told us she makes good money as a waitress )
and she still lives home with her mom, her mom has provided her with a car
that we ( her husband and I ) should discuss the relationship she is asking us for
and that she should pay her own way when we go out.
I feel that is a good thing, and not about the money...
my husband says "girls don't pay" but I feel in this case it would be very helpful for helping her to grow up and be more realistic about what she demands from us.
I feel the major mistake my husband has made with her and one reason she is so disrespectful is that he has given her too much... often when she was acting very badly.
It will also prove to us she is not trying to manipulate us and be her free entertainment.
She has stopped asking that we also take her friends out, but I feel under the circumstances she should pay for her own way when we go out.
what do you think? good idea or bad one and how can I get my husband to see the light if this idea dn my feelings are good ones about her paying her own way when she goes out with us? he says if he asks her to pay her own way she will not want to go around him...
I told him if she only wants to be around him because he is the free entertinment, why would he want her around?
comments?
I also find it hard to deal
I also find it hard to deal with she likes to lick salt off his margarita and he should not allow her to do so.
She is not of legal age to drink as its 21 here and she is only going on 20.
I tell you I never saw a person like her who likes to push all limits and test so much.
I feel asking her to pay for her own way will show too if she really wants to have a relationship with her father and me... or just intending to use us for recreation.
If she is ok with paying for her own way and does so a few times, I think it would be safe to pay sometimes... to let her know... we are not here on this earth to provide her with free meals and recreation as she tends to abuse and misuse everything she can in unbeliveable ways.
I see it as a way to set limits with her, although husband says its crazy.
?
Not sure but at what point do you stop paying for your kids?
I feel it is when they get a paycheck and she gets one, no rent to pay, no car payment, BUT PLENTY OF NEW TATS AND PEIRCINGS !
I don't agree with this.
I don't agree with this. This sounds more like dad wanting to take his daughter out, he should pay. When she marries and you all go out, then I would agree that they can pay for their own family. I do think you're being nit-picky.
She might be nit picky on
She might be nit picky on some points but seriously read all her other blogs. Her husband is simply off the hook when it comes to his babygirl. This 20yr old sounds like an extremely manipulative,money grubbing little freeloader and I don't blame Jeans for being frustrated. I DO however blame her for not taking more control of her own life. The 20 yr old is an adult. Husband is an adult. Let them do what they're going to do and keep your money separate as possible from them to avoid these types of frustrations. The sooner you learn to let things go,Jeans,the better you will feel about yourself and your life. I'm not saying let it go and be a doormat. Just the opposite. Letting things go and living your life can be a huge source of spirit and an enormous source of peace and strength.
Being down in the trenches ankle biting along side sd20 and husband is so far beneath what you should be at this point in your life. Rise above it and let them wallow in mediocrity and cheap tattoos
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
yeah barbie... you may be
yeah barbie... you may be right
thankx
It's really not about the
It's really not about the money but her freeloader attitude. I find it quite un-nerving and can't help thinking about my own relationship with my father and how he would have reacted if I had that attitude with him. He would not have taken well to it.
It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with my husband....
because he does not seem to take any offense to being outright used and made a fool of by this girl.
He is soft on her on hard on me. Seems to be it should be the other way around.
Since the day I met her she has said nothing to me except to call me names and ask me personal qiestions like "where" I work...
she never gave me a chance and has called me terrible things, yet she aplogizes to hisband and not me and I am expected to go along with any change of hert he may have concerning her.
It's almost too much burden on me and I have lost respect for myhusband.
Now all that has to happen is resentment set in and we are on our way to a divorce.
why? because I loved a man with kids from a previous marriage, one a terror and I have to pay for it.
Life isn't fair.
Sheesh, you don't want the
Sheesh, you don't want the man to pay to take his daughter out? That's pretty sick Jeans.
I had a step father that was a jerk just like this. My mom would ask me to go out to eat lunch with her and he would get mad if she paid for my lunch! Nevermind the fact that I paid for hers alot also!
It sounds to me like you are jealous of your husbands and his daughters relationship. He's right, girls don't pay. Deal with it or get a divorce.
Thats right, not anymore..
Thats right, not anymore.. after several years of doing so, it seems to have only made her worse.
She has a huge sense of entitlement and also wants very expensive things. A trip to a burger joint isn't good enough for her...
Her mother told her so.
Now she is going on 20 and she can take herself out to her favorite places.
Our relationship with her is not to entertain her.
Seems most mature and resposnible people would know that but his daughter like many, do not have much in the way of a solid foundation mentally, so they suffer more than others.
I agree that there is
I agree that there is probably waaaay more going on there than just being upset that he wants to pay for his daughter when u are out....I would expect my DH to pay for SD18, who btw, is working, when the three of us go out....she is his daughter....I think the REAL issue may be that u feel insecure in yur relationship with the DH that u seem to come second after SD...the only way to fix that is with HIM...no matter how badly she treats YOU, its really between u and yur DH whether she receives consequences for that.....HE is the one who should demand that u are respected and provide SD with serious consequences when she is disrespectful..one question...if she treats u so badly why would u even WANT to go out with the three of them?...tell DH that u don't feel comfortable going out with her and u will wait to go out until it is just the two of u ....good luck!
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
He has demanded, unfortunate
He has demanded, unfortunate she did not abide by his wishes until he had to get tough with her.
When she refused to pay her health insurance copays we found her on myspace. She was going on about all her new tats. so we knew she had money to pay them, so we cut her off the health insurance before she ruined our credit.
After that, it was like a slap in the face as she woke up so suddenly. Now she has to prove she can act civil or we can't be around her.
My husband can do no more for her and she is not my problem. Her BIO MOM is there to raise her and now will have to deal with the entitled monster she created.
It is justice come to real life... we can only tell her what is right and wrong but have no way to enforce anything, even making sure she pays co-pays, which is why she is no longer on the health insurance.
Poor baby is not something we think of when we see her. She will have to now sink or swim and make her own life or forever be her mothers clone. The choice is hers.
ps.. my husband doesn't want to go out with her, he finds her overbearing and childish. She is just like her bio mother personality wise only more immature.
When he has gone out with her in the past, for several years when she was a minor, she also never appriciated it according to him, so he doesn't want to spends any more time or money on it. She has to start growing up.
Just like we all do, hopefully her bio mom won't keep her from doing it.
Things are working out here now since we
put down our laws !!!!
so thanks everyone for your help but seems we have gotten things under control
It wasn't so hard... all we had to do is begin to say no
to her
and keep firm with our boundries. She has no option now but to be respectful or she is not allowed over.
If she doesn't like it, she can get her own place as she is well into adulthood now ! no longer a minor or child !
That her mother has created this little snobby entitled young woman is going to have to fall where it belongs, in her mothers lap !
haha
Maybe if you would show a
Maybe if you would show a interest in her instead of labeling her as a waste of time she wouldn't hate you so much. Then maybe you wouldn't be so jealous about having to pay for her meal. Get over yourself.
We did that for years, can't
We did that for years, can't you read?
hahaha
guess not............. so stop responsing with your nonsense
if you can't keep up with anything written.
thanks so much
Exactaly...........how do
Exactaly...........how do you like it when someone pays no attention to what you are saying and just goes off in some weird tangit? That's EXACTALY what you've been doing to everyone else. It sucks doesn't it?
You blogged this for empathy, concern, suggestions, ideas, etc. But instead I met your blog with judgement, not accurate assumptions, and just plain nastiness. Doesn't feel good does it? Of course not, and it doesn't feel good to anyone else either.
hey stop posting on my
hey stop posting on my threads, ok?
You are too ful lof anger and resentment and talking like a fool.
Maybe you are?
take it out somewhere else... perhaps a nice trip to walmart to have a fit like a 3 year old will help?
lol
Well head on over to wal
Well head on over to wal mart then and have fun, because you are a fool! A jealous insecure one at that.
Okay, maybe it's just
Okay, maybe it's just me...but I find it a little 'disturbing' that she likes to lick the salt off his margarita. That's just plain disturbing! You like to lick salt, Here's the salt shaker...have a blast!!!! I'd put a stop to that ASAP! Glad to hear that things are working out though with the implementation of rules. Kids need rules and guidance...we are responsible for the future adults of our nation.
I sense a little Oedipus
I sense a little Oedipus complex going on there...