wills and life insurance decisions! HELP!
My husband and I recently started working on our life insurance and wills now that our baby is due in November. I have a 6 almost 7 year old stepson that I've known since age 3 and help care for 50% of the time. My husband and I seem to disagree however on the way to split up the life insurance and our assets should something happen. We both contribute almost equally to the assets until now and I will actually be making at least 30% more than him this year on. I don't quite feel right about equally sharing my portion of the assets and insurance with his son since he has a mother and another family (even if they make less than us). We are also considering one more child and his mom has 2 others as well. He feels that we should split everything equally no matter what (although he doesn't seem to count the 300K policy he already has that goes to BM if he dies or that our child would have no parents if we both die). He is making me feel awful and says that he cannot expect me to treat his son equally because of how I feel about this and could not live with himself. Furthermore, he now wants to put some of his assets,etc in his son's name even if I am still living to ensure that he gets it since I can "remarry" or his Biomom could relocate, etc.
What do I do? What has everyone else done with this? Does it matter that we have joint custody and his son likes me? And yet anything could happen down the road....
Hm..
That's an interesting slant I hadn't considered. Is it fair that our estate be divided equally, when half is actually from me and I'm not BioMom to my two SKs - they have their own moms. DH and I are trying for 1 or two of our own.
Wow, you've really given me something to think about. Because at first I agree, its not fair to your own child together. But imagine that situation in probate. The bad feelings and resentment that the SS will have toward you/DH/your biokid.
Sorry I don't have a solution for you. I think DH's life insurance should be split among all kids. Your life insurance should be split among only your kids. DH should be allowed to bequeath certain specific things to his son. Maybe they are important to his heritage or significant mementos.
You may ask him why he's being so rabid about providing for his son. Does he think you would edge him out or deny him a part of the estate? Maybe he's heard "horror stories" about this and just hasn't really opened up to you about his fears.
Sorry this is a bit long but
Sorry this is a bit long but I couldn't stop typing. I have a SS who is 9 and a child of my own on the way. I have already discussed this with my husband and if he changes his mind shit will hit the fan. Basically if we were to both die then half of my husbands assets would go to SS and then other half to my child, and my assets would go to my child. It may not seem like the easiest thing to do but as we acquire more then it will get spelled out in the will. Life Insurance is easy. Half of his goes to SS and the other half to my child. Mine goes to my child. Now if we have more than one kid together then it DH's assets and life insurance would be split over how ever many kids we have, and my assets and life insurance would be split only over my kids. Now in the event that DH dies first then a portion of assets and life insurance would be set aside for each of our children and SS after any bills are taken care of. As for your DH saying that you could remarry well guess what so can BM which if they do it they same way your DH wants to do it then the Skids will make out when everyone passes. I think it is the only fair way to do it when you both can't agree. Also kids are not entitled to anything when their parents pass away, if my dad were to pass away I would expect my mom to first of all pay off the house, the funeral expenses and any other bills she has. Then I expect her to put the rest away for her retirement. If she gives me any I would be surprised but I don't expect a dime. I can understand if the kids were under 18 maybe setting aside a percentage for each kid after all debt is paid off. But you will still need money to supplement the money you lose when your husband passes away, the BM and Skids don't (unless you pay child support in which case some states require that whatever would have been paid by your DH still has to be paid if he leaves any money or assets behind). Good luck, it isn't an easy battle to win but you need to make sure that you and your own kids will also be taken care of in the end because you are right the skids will still have one parent. Now I do want to add a short comment regarding skids who don't have the other parent or step-parents who feel differently about this situation. If you are the SKids only provider then the situation changes and it should all be split, or if you feel that it is only fair then by all means that is awesome. My SS has a mother who spoils him rotten, no one pays child support and my husband agrees that his mom would be able to provide for him if he passes, however I would be fair and if there is any life insurance left over after debt has been paid then I would set up a college fund for him as well as my children. However regarding the house and the cars and trailer I would say no because my children and I still have to have a place to live and a car to drive.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Thanks for your thoughts. His BM is already remarried and I have no idea nor would she ever tell us what she is doing. He also does pay child support even though we have joint custody because he makes more than her but I don't think PA makes you pay after death. We both definitely agree to make this think iron clad so she never ends up with anymore than necessary. He just feels really strongly about splitting equally and I'm afraid because I don't agree he is going to feel differently about me in a bad way. He is a pretty sensitive man type in general but especially about the son. I think he honestly didn't think about puttin the $ aside for my SS if he dies until he started looking into all of this as did I on the internet and realized that I didn't agree with him on this and feels I won't be fair now. Something he never considered before.
As for the life insurance, shouldn't you leave some to your spouse if you die first - not just the kids even after bills are paid for upkeep of home, expenses of children, etc. Problem is, how do you make sure that biokids get what you desire when he does pass since it will be his will at that point? This sucks!