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Wills with stepchildren

Tiffany89's picture
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I am a single lady about to marry a man with two adult children. We are going to be writing a will very soon. I don't want to seem like a money rubber becuz I am far from that but...what is the norm when it comes to a will when marrying a man who already has children? I don't have any children so I don't have a problem at all to give them all my assets if my husband and I both were to pass away. What if my husband dies before me though? What is fair to divide my husbands assets with his children or his wife (me)? Split all equal between all 3 of us or the wife gets 1/2 and the two children get the other 1/2 to split? I have no idea?

BethAnne's picture

My husband's daughter is only 6. She is named on my husbands life insurance policy (with various stipulations with what she gets at what age). The rest of his estate will go to me. My husband knows that I am under no obligation to give my SD any money if he passes, and he is happy with that as he knows she will be looked after with the insurance policy. With adult children I suppose it is a slightly different equation. I would look at what you would need in terms of living expenses for you/funeral costs etc if he should die. Then look at what is left over and decide how to split that with your husband.

Tiffany89's picture

Thank u and I appreciate ur thoughts! I am at a loss becuz I can tend to not really think of myself of feeling like I deserve anything or much becuz he has had his children who are in their late 20's that have been there in his life longer than me. My husband to be Is all about being fair an equal so he suggested we split all three ways?? I also have friends telling me that is not fair to me! They also have a mother that they are in their in her will also.

Tiffany89's picture

I am also goin to give his children all of my assets when I die too becuz I don't have any children. I feel I am being fair! My husband is older than me so his odds of outliving me are low!

Orange County Ca's picture

Get Living Trusts. It's called living because you can change it anytime you're still alive. Each of you put the major assets into the Trusts. The house for example gives the survivor the right to live in it until they die. Then the kids get it.

If you have assets of consequence the income such as rent can go to him until he dies.

Make sure the kids know that these trusts protect them - that they'll get the assets when both of you are gone but not until. They have no say over how the asset is used but normal restrictions would be if he died and you re-married or co-habituated with another person - then you lose the house.

His kids are getting all of his assets anyway if I were you I would find a worthwhile charity for your assets. Surely the money could do more good there than in the hands of already well off people.

Plus its possible after a few months or years you'll have second thoughts about his kids. Don't you have nieces or uncles, a school alumni fund, a church, me.

Definitely a Living Trust. Your attorney can explain in more detail.

luchay's picture

I guess it depends on the financial situation YOU will be left in should he pass before you?

If you are living in a house that is in his name only, and you have minimal assets of your own, then theoretically if he passes first and his whole estate is split 3 ways that includes YOUR home. Would you be able to buy another home with your own assets and a third?

Don't mean to appear rude, but also how old are you? Are you going to be able to support yourself if need be should your husband suddenly pass. At what point will that change?

Say he passes when you are 75? Will YOU have enough to live without stressing about money, will you have a home etc?

I think (just off the top of my head here) the house should go to you, and then split any other assets 3 ways (of course it's hard for strangers to say as we don't know what's involved etc.)

Don't think of it as "fair" think of it as how EITHER of you survives after the other passes. You BOTH want the other to be comfortable, and so that is the first priority over adult children.

Perhaps even the house and 50% to you, to be passed to his children when you pass?

Lets face it, if you go first all goes to him, then his kids?

godess-clueless's picture

"Women who marry late in life should not be entitled to half the man's assets because they were not around when he was earning them?" The adult childrens view of situation may not always be what is actually fact.

My dh came into the marriage with a home. Does that mean they are entitled? I think not. DH had only paid off 10 thousand of the loan. It was a wreck. It was my retirement savings that paid for the gaslines, furnace, cental air, total rehab of all flooring, walls, every door, and trim wood, and paid off the entire mortgage and hooked up to city water. DH had a home---there's more to the story.
The children had nothing to do with anything in our life. They were adults when we met and dh had been divorced from their mom for over 20 years.
We have been together for 14 yrs. and I would be very pissed to find my self handing them anything should he die first. They contributed nothing to my life. They have not had contact in years. From my own experience when I hear someone say they feel they are entitled because dad had a home, furnishings or money in the bank I question did he owe on the mortgage, credit cards, and loans the children knew nothing about.

SAHsigh's picture

It typically goes like this:

Primary beneficiary: Surviving Spouse
Contingent beneficiary: Decedent's children/stepchildren

Note that specific bequests are, just that, specific -- you spell out what minutiae goes to who and in what quantity.

It's always best to talk to an attorney with ample experience in estate planning, though. Things change from one state to another... Don't forget to consider the impact of inheritance tax; some states still have it (though most have eliminated it for spouses).

Rags's picture

Our Will names the survivor as the sole heir and beneficiary of the entire estate. In the event of our co-demise it all goes into trust for SS-22 until he either completes a Bachelor's degree from a regionally accredited institution or turns 40yo. Kind or our way of parenting from beyond the grave.

The trust will be executed jointly by my brother and/or my dad.

If I predecease my bride then she can change the will as she sees fit since it will all be hers at that point anyway. Since I have no BKs I have no intent to change the Will should my bride depart before me which is entirely unlikely anyway.