Unreasonable? A bit long but please read.
Hi cybersisters
It has been a looooong time!
Just wanted some input really. Things have been fairly easy going for a while until this weekend.
My stupid partner did a lot of miles yesterday ferrying his son around (fine, don't have a problem with that). Put off taking him back home last night so he stayed with us (again, no problem with that except he was supposed to be decorating this morning!). SHe left early this morning to drop his son home and said he was taking him straight there (it is quite a long way away) and then coming straight back. About a 2.5 - 3 hour round trip.
So, after a good while I called him to see when he was coming back, expecting him soon. No answer. I texted him to state that I hoped he wasn't hanging out at the house with his ex wife listening to her BS when he better things to do at our house (they don't get on, she is manipulative in the extreme). No answer. I texted his son to see if he had left yet (not something I would usually do), in the meantime I got a call from him saying he was doing stuff with his son (who he had spent the whole previous day with travelling) - what was my problem? He was having fun. By the way this was not a regular contact meeting - it was outside of that.
I then got a text reply a bit later from his son saying they were still together and THEN got a call from my other half saying that he was on his way back. He said he didn't know why his son had sent that text. We then had an argument, got disconnected and I decided to go out for the day so he could come home to an empty house. I was pretty cheesed of with his attitude and lack of respect.
So my points are:
1. If you are going to hang out with your son - don't say you are coming straight back.
2. Don't hang out at your ex wife's house - regardless of if she is there or not as it is not cool.
3. Don't give me attitude when I am sat here like a dummy expecting you to do what you have said.
When I got home I tried to explain all that. He said HE wasn't posessive (which he really is)and wouldn't have a problem if the tables were turned which is crap. He would. And, why didn't I just go away and do my own thing? Fine. If that is the way he feels then he can go screw himself which is what I told him. I also asked whether I should make a date to go round MY ex's house. To which I got 'do what you like'.
Thing is - am I wrong here? I am tired that after all this time he is still pushing my buttons with this situation, I am still the one who has to bend and is perceived as unreasonable and he can do what the hell he likes with no respect for me. What is going on here? I am really angry (and I don't really get angry often). I feel like asking him what the F is going on here and telling him that if he can't respect me then P off!
Usually we have contact visits and all is well. I just don't expect people to say one thing and do another. I don't! I actually communicate any change of plan because I have CONSIDERATION!
All input gratefully received. Thanks.
Sorry that should have said
Sorry that should have said HE left early to take his son home.
Don't want to confuse you!
No its not unreasonable
I absolutely HATE it when my FH does that kinda thing and trust me, it happens alot (although not necessarily with SD, just on a daily basis with everything). And just like you said, I hate sitting around like a dummy (I personally prefer the term "sitting around with my thumb up my ass"
) THINKING that he'll ACTUALLY do what he said he was going to do. And when I call him to see where he is/what he's doing, he gets mad at ME for bothering him. Gee, sorry if I don't like sitting around indefinitely wondering when you're gonna show up.
You're not being unreasonable at all. Its a matter of consideration and respect. If you tell someone, especially your significant other, that you're going to do something or be somewhere at a certain time then DO IT. And if you happen to change your mind, then have the courtesy to call the other person and let them know that your plan has changed so they're not sitting around expecting one thing when you're doing something else entirely. Seems pretty simple to me, how 'bout you?
I think
you have a valid reason to be frustrated, you proceeded with your day based on what dad said his plans/timeline were...then his timeline changed and no notice to you.
I would take him up on his suggestion that you do whatever you want, and would add- when you want....if he's around to spend time when you have time to spend time with him- fine- otherwise- his loss
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
Result
He apologised earlier
if my husband
was hanging out at his ex's house I would never had married him. If he starts, I'll divorce him. He said he did not want her in his life and I hold him to that. Don't know what your situation is but I covered all that BEFORE agreeing to marry.